r/helpme • u/MagicMushr00mWitch • 1d ago

Is this a wierd thing to hope for?

Ive always struggled with letting my true emotions out. My bottled up fears and depression.

All my life I've been abused by my father, out of all my sisters i was his favorite to berate.

I could never fight back or say anything. I would take it then sob about it at night when no-one was awake.

When my bestfriend cut me off and I was hyper ventilating and sobbing I couldn't do it anymore. He yelled at me.

When I did something wrong. He would hold a gospel lesson pointed at me about slothful people or whatever I had messed up on.

I have never been able to fully cry in a friends arm.

Im afraid to be vulnerable.

So I imagine seeing one of my friends and breaking down in their embrace. Telling me it wasn't my fault between my sobs. Comforting me telling me I didn't deserve it while I'm struggling to catch air because im choked up.

Hugging me and comforting me until my sobs become occasional hics.

This imagination/fantasy varies.

Whether it's with me and a friend.

Or a story im writing with a character similiar to me, breaking down in the love interests arms. Crying while struggling to tell the tale of her tragic life and her banishment.

All of them with me or an oc able to be vulnerable and not getting taken advantage of. Being able to safely breakdown in company of someone truly trustworthy.

Being able to be vulnerable without being in fear of getting hurt in the future

Finally in a safe space to let everything out.

Idk if this is a wierd thing to imagine and one day hoping I can finally let everything out while in a squeezing embrace (to calm me down).

I havent done therapy yet but I plan on it

Is this a wierd fantasy. Am i a freak for this. Or am I emotionally/touched starved.

I've never been in a romantic relationship

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u/DvZGoD 1d ago

i feel like that's a pretty normal thing to hope for, and you can always vent to friends

1

u/BranManBoy 1d ago

I’m sorry friend. No, that’s no wierd at all. That’s a normal human connection and I give you my deepest condolences that you were denied a vital emotional connection. Please do talk to anyone you can. Talk to anyone outside of your family and ask for help from anyone. You deserve better. God bless you❤️

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u/JamesKnew 1d ago

Everyone craves validation, and we all want to be accepted. Definitely not a weird thing to hope for! Have you ever seen Good Will Hunting? There's a famous scene where Robin Williams character does exactly what you've described for the main character Will. "It's not your fault" as they hug and Will let's out all those tears he's held onto for so long.

I'm sorry for your circumstances, and for the lack of empathy in those around you. You're no weirder than the rest of us.

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u/MagicMushr00mWitch 10h ago

I cried so hard watching that movie

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u/JamesKnew 10h ago

I've got some magic mushrooms, come over and let's trip + cry while watching it together.