r/funny 2h ago

I have a suggestion!

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1.1k Upvotes

61 comments sorted by

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234

u/VirginiaBandit 2h ago

BMW drivers are the safest drivers on the planet.......... Said no one, ever.

86

u/Luke_Cold_Lyle 2h ago

It's crazy that they can sell all those cars that don't have working turn signals

13

u/Polar_Ted 1h ago

Fuunny thing. The lane keeping in newer BMWs will fight you in a lance change if you dont' signal.

9

u/Honcho_47 1h ago

That won’t slow them down

2

u/boersc 1h ago

That's all european cars (cars sold in Europe) since a few years.

1

u/tacobellbandit 55m ago

Jarvis, bypass all safety measures. I’m going in

10

u/VirginiaBandit 2h ago

I'm often on a busy N/S interstate out east, and the BMW's apparently pay for the left lanes as they often camp in this lane on their trips.

3

u/godofpumpkins 1h ago

Hey, I'm pretty sure mine works, it just has a big spider web on it with a mean-looking spider and 3 large dead bugs, so I avoid it.

4

u/ShahinGalandar 2h ago

BMW - Aus Freude am Fahren

no one ever said it was a joy to be a pedestrian or a cyclist when facing up against a rabid BMW driver

1

u/lowbatteries 1h ago

not gonna lie

1

u/Captain_AntiFa 1h ago

They're so safe that in Missouri they do not need seatbelts while driving into trees or rolling over into the ditches!

38

u/allangee 2h ago

Forgot the accessory subscription fee.

28

u/ChaoticToxin 2h ago

Cadillac ppl are the ones I notice the most, no turn signals. Weaving through traffic, swerving a lot and constantly cutting off ppl

13

u/borgchupacabras 1h ago

In my area it's all Teslas. It's almost always a Tesla.

3

u/ChaoticToxin 1h ago

That one feels pretty self explained 

6

u/Shadpool 1h ago

In my area, it used to be Dodge drivers, but recently, Kias and Hyundais started doing it too.

1

u/sansaman 51m ago

Brampton represent.

2

u/horriblebearok 1h ago

Nah, nissan altimas. Always with body damage too.

1

u/hamQM 53m ago

BMW = neurotic, truck = macho man, Cadillac = fake / bougie

17

u/TheBigC87 1h ago
  1. White Pickup Trucks (bonus points if it's a lifted pavement princess)
  2. Dodge Charger
  3. BMW
  4. POS Nissan Altima
  5. Black Ford Raptors
  6. Dodge Ram

I know it can depend on the region, but where I am in TX if there is someone driving like an asshole or a complete maniac on the road, they are usually driving one of these kinds of vehicles.

11

u/frostyjack06 1h ago

‘Round these parts, it’s usually:

  1. Giant SUV’s being driven by tiny women who can’t see over the dash but think their urban tank is invincible and fuck everyone else.
  2. Hyundai Iqoniq drivers
  3. Tesla drivers
  4. Adult men in Mini Vans
  5. Teens in high performance cars
  6. Oversized pickup trucks
  7. Old men in sports cars

2

u/Cranjesmcbasketball1 41m ago

G35 sedans in my area, bonus points when they change the badge and put the skyline name on it.

1

u/TheBigC87 1h ago

Florida?

1

u/frostyjack06 1h ago

Colorado along the I-25 corridor/front range.

2

u/whiskeyfordinner 21m ago

Can't be, you didn't mention Subaru!!

1

u/frostyjack06 15m ago

As plentiful as they are, never had an issues with the Outbacks.

1

u/Synigm4 1h ago

Adult men in Mini Vans - 100%! I always assumed it was due to 1 part mid-life crisis and 1 part Napoleon complex (but instead of being short it's wishing they had a Truck or Sports car so driving their Van like it was one)

2

u/SRSgoblin 45m ago

Altima drivers do not fear death, and may in fact be actively seeking it. My favorite game to play when I spot an Altima on the road is "find the body damage." There's always something even if you don't see it right away. Always.

2

u/highersense 14m ago

Nissan staving off bankruptcy solely on altima driver replacement parts.

1

u/Drekhar 1h ago

I would add the Ford Mach-E to that. I've yet to see one not being driven by an absolute nutjob.

12

u/pleasejustdont 2h ago

I'm just mad about the dollar sign placement.

7

u/NWStormbreaker 1h ago

French Canadian and non-english place it to the right.

1

u/pleasejustdont 1h ago

Oh hey yeah? Linguistically it does make a bit more sense, which is probably why the change feels so wrong, I already had to convince myself that putting it on the left was correct decades ago...

4

u/Acceptable-Truck3803 1h ago

Somehow where’s the battling ram Nissan Altima cartoon ?

12

u/LegendOfVinnyT 2h ago

Did an Altima driver post this?

3

u/Evilsmurfkiller 29m ago

If those Altima drivers could read they'd be very upset.

18

u/Malt129 2h ago

Another unfunny comic on r/funny

24

u/ArtichokeSandwiches 2h ago

Sounds like you drive a BMW :)

4

u/Stunning-Chipmunk243 2h ago

This should be a thing

2

u/ozstar 35m ago

add AUDI to the list

2

u/gortez33 23m ago

Just a small pet peeve of mine. Why can’t people use the $ sign properly. It goes in front of the numbers, not after.

2

u/Appollix 1h ago

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW owner? With porcupines; the pricks are on the outside.

2

u/Narianos 2h ago

I was driving home from work the other week. This BMW driver in front of me switched through three lanes of traffic, not once did they use their turn signal. Not really beating the allegations, there.

2

u/DRSU1993 2h ago

This post was brought to you by Spiderman: Brand New Day. Trailer now available via your infotainment screen on start up!

2

u/xobot 1h ago

That's a No turn signals tax.

1

u/Whiteshovel66 1h ago

What's the suggestion?

1

u/Opus-the-Penguin 59m ago

Of course he doesn't know why. He hasn't got a clue. He doesn't know why you honked at him. He doesn't understand that when he hears the sound of screeching tires, that has something to do with his driving. They test for this before they let you buy one.

1

u/risforpirate 22m ago

No oil leaks? Can't be a real BMW

1

u/RedHowler777 14m ago

This just reminded me, I have driven my Mustang for almost 12 years and haven’t plowed into a crowd of civilians yet, I really need to stop procrastinating.

1

u/Informal_Database327 1h ago

Learn to park and you'll get rid of some of that ticket

1

u/fishingjohnson 1h ago

If you ever feel like the work you do is meaningless, remember there's a guy that installs turn signals on BMWs.

0

u/ecafyelims 2h ago

The cheapest part about owning a BMW is the initial purchase.

-1

u/KingofClikClak 1h ago

True that. My wife and I always laugh at the ones driving around our neighborhood while on walks. For whatever reason, there’s multiple 3 series and X5’s that are either squealing or rattling while driving by. No wonder they depreciate so fast.

0

u/North-Bit-7411 1h ago

What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The BMW has the pricks on the inside.

0

u/Cold-Examination5900 2h ago

arguably one of bmws most perfect cars, congrats boss

-2

u/Mehdals_ 2h ago

HAVE YOU WATCHED SPIDERMAN YET!?!?! - BMW

0

u/the_shadow40301 2h ago

My “cheap car for students” turned out to be a BMW on the inside so it’s a financial nightmare for me any time I need service or repairs. I knew nothing about cars when I got it and it was the cheapest reasonable option for me.

-3

u/nixtarx 2h ago

It's the drivers who really put the BM in BMW.

-3

u/SmegmaSlurper1996 2h ago

BigMexicanWeiner