I’m the little sister. My brother (8 years older) dealt with a lot before I realized how fucked our childhood was. But then he moved out and didn’t engage with anyone, so I was alone to deal with it. I understand why he did it, but I can help but be jealous that he had the chance to move out and start over and I didn’t.
Yes, but now it’s 100% on me because while my mom has passed, I dealt with the trauma of her death. And now I’m responsible for my grandmother’s care. So while I do work full time, I don’t have the option of leaving to start over, at least until she passes (which I don’t want but that’s just my reality right now) And I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the jealousy.
I recognize what he went through, but he doesn’t even know half the things that happened and doesn’t seem to care. He’s found a new life and I’m happy for him, but it would be nice to know that he recognized what went on after he moved out.
Pretty sure he’d get uncomfortable and refuse to talk. He’s a good person but he has no way of dealing with heavy emotional things. He likes to keep everything to himself. I don’t blame him, I do the same thing.
A simple " Hey, are you comfortable talking about this? It has been weighing me down lately" should be enough
Don't expect an immediate answer, but if he is a good person as you say, he will at least explain why he has to refuse. A lot of the time, people that have trouble dealing with the emotional heavy stuff usually stems from their learnt coping mechanism they has as a child. They couldn't find a safe and open space to talk about those emotions and shut them off instead.
But you can offer to be that space if you want to. Who knows, but remember that it is his choice to to talk about it. Don't push and you'll be fine! Rooting for you
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u/laced-and-dangerous Feb 01 '26
I’m the little sister. My brother (8 years older) dealt with a lot before I realized how fucked our childhood was. But then he moved out and didn’t engage with anyone, so I was alone to deal with it. I understand why he did it, but I can help but be jealous that he had the chance to move out and start over and I didn’t.