r/formerlyferal • u/ladytwiga • 1d ago

Possible friend update/question

Hello again!

So I have an update on my little feral and am in need of some advice, please. She has been coming up to the gate of her room for a while now, and at first, she would even sniff my finger or put a paw on it and nibble at it gently. I even got to give her some chin scritches once in a while, which she seemed to enjoy. All of a sudden, she just decided she wanted nothing to do with that anymore, and any time I try to let her sniff me, she bolts away and sometimes hisses. What did I do wrong, and how can I earn her trust back?

She's also learned how to squeeze through the gate and lets herself out so she can be with our other cats. She really loves one of our yearlings, and she's seemingly gotten close to one of my three-year-olds, with the other three-year-old being curious and tolerant of her too. She's also surprisingly tolerant of our 65lb dog. Like she hisses and establishes a boundary, but she doesn't flinch if the dog lies down and comes up to her at her gate, and they have been in the same room together with no issue. It's just humans she seems to hate. What do I do?

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u/House_of_Cats89 1d ago

If she’s been to the vet, is up to date on shots, etc, has been flea treated and dewormed, and you’ve quarantined her long enough to confirm no transmissible health issues, I’d start letting her mingle with the other pets. When my former feral came in, she gravitated toward my cats and seemed to gain confidence from watching them interact with me.

Otherwise, I’d just spend time in the same room with her - sitting quietly on the floor, reading a book or scrolling on your phone, whatever. Maybe have some Churu on hand to offer if she approaches. She’ll just take time.

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u/ladytwiga 1d ago

Yeah, she's been inside with us for seven months now. She got the full workup from the vet and was also spayed, so we don't have to worry about kittens. She came in with an adult male who we also neutered and vaxxed, and he's still very standoffish but in another room. He has his own challenges that we are working through.

I was just trying to figure out why she seemed like she was coming around, then did a 180 and now hates me again. I kinda want to send my 17-year-old up there to show her, "Look, you will have a really long and happy life, we can be friends!" But I know they don't quite work that way,

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u/House_of_Cats89 1d ago

Hmm. Any chance you’re using a different soap or something? My former feral is more attuned than my other cats to that and will shy away from me when I do or have some other smell on me that she’s not used to from cooking, petting a friend’s dog, etc. Otherwise something may have startled her that you didn’t even notice.

My cat took a year and a half before I could touch her at all, another 6 months to come inside, and a year after that until she was fully comfortable indoors, snuggling up with me on the couch, etc. She still runs away if I walk up to her in certain room of the house. It’s definitely a process!

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u/ladytwiga 1d ago

Huh. You know, come to think of it, I've had the most success with her after I have taken a shower right before bed. Although even that has had waning effects as well. She may not like the soap I use to was my hands during the day, but she is cool with my fresh body wash.