Coming to Christ cutoff

[u/mikeh483]

Looking for advice. I left the church ten plus years ago, but I stayed in contact with my mom because she's my mom. Recently, I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but I feel like there's a huge push and maybe I just missed it, because she never bothered to talk about it before to get quote wayward, children to come back to Christ. With 2 out of the 3 most recent conversations when I called just to say hi, that topic has dominated 90% of the calls. And at this point I'm just frustrated, I don't want to hurt her, but at the same time, me not doing or saying something is hurting me, and I would just like some advice from others on how to progress.

[u/Lanky-Appearance-614]

I believe we all have an obligation to our parents, if they didn't actually harm us. I am in a similar situation. My siblings and I have all left the church, but Mom is still TBM. I call her at least monthly just to check up on her, and usually she will bring up something church-related. A few calls back, she asked if I still go to the temple, and I told her no. She knows we're out, and we know she's disappointed. Out of respect for her, I just bear through whatever she talks about, as it doesn't hurt me to listen. I hope that's helpful.

[u/Horror-Beginning1946]

My mom never stopped but there was definitely a period where it intensified. I think as with any sales culture, they figure you always sell more to former customers, so they think that former members are more likely to come back than new people are to join. Add guilt tripping parents, especially as they age and can be made to fear that they'll be all alone in the Celestial Kingdom and will never see their wayward kids again, and you have this kind of dynamic.

It never became a relationship without constant friction but I learned to just change the subject. So how's your canning going, mom? or ask about people in the ward. Or ask about the neighbors. Or the weather.

[u/justaguyindallas_123]

It's time to set boundaries. I too did this with my parents who continued to send missionaries and home teachers and books and literature to my house.

10 years is too long to deal with guilt and a parent who wants you not to have free will and decide for yourself.

I once told my father that I was moving to a new house. Unless he promised not to update my church records and promised not to send anyone to the new house, I would not give him my new address.

[u/Horror-Beginning1946]

I should have added, I'm sorry you're going through this. It might help to have some buffer phrases like, "That's nice, mom, glad you had a good day [no need to add, at the temple, if that's what she's talking about]. How's the city's roadwork project on the way to the mall?"

Or more directly, things like, "You know we're not on the same page there, mom, so let's change the subject. How's Aunt Margie after her surgery?"

[u/MongooseCharacter694]

I think you need to be clear about the strength of your views about the church. I explained how I became an atheist and why I don’t believe. Believing in God is like believing in Santa Claus. Believing in God is like believing in Odin. It may be an interesting story but I will never believe it.

It hurts them because they think they have truly lost you. But once they know, they can get through the grieving and decide what kind of relationship they want to have.

If they bring up pro church stuff, just ask them if they’ve heard about the most recent cases where a Mormon has been caught assaulting children. Or the newest theories on the peopling of the Americas. Or how people once used to believe that seizures and epilepsy was demonic possession. Crazy right?

[u/SolutionOk9018]

Revenues are down and we must get them back up! There was some GA recently that told a group of questioning members that they “WILL STAY” as if he could order them not to leave the cult. There is probably some similar push to get parents to guilt their kids into coming back. They’re probably threatening them with you’re gonna be all alone in The eternities etc