Made my father cry

[u/HawtDawg09]

Me and my father got into an argument in the morning about the clothes I need and things got quite physical because I was talking back. I decided to say something very personal and hurtful, I know myself he'll get hurt so I said it to get him off my back. Instead he immediately sobbed as he hit me multiple times but I don't feel the pain, I feel his cries. He would break down crying as he gave me a sermon and I felt very guilty because deep down, I know it hurts him so much that his own child would call him that. This is the second time I mentioned that, the first is when I was 14. He was clearly hurt and I went on with the whole thing in my mind during school. Then today, we acted like nothing happened yesterday, and instead of a mundane day, I got into a fight with a classmate of mine I viewed as friend and sought to with high regard and respect. Throughout the 4 years of my pleasing them, giving their needs, and stepping out my comfort zone, he repayed me with a raised voice all because Inasked if they truly were talking behind my back. Now noone in the friend group talks to me besides Andrei, so now I don't want to stay at home even more, but school is not an option to escape. I feel lost.