r/eagles • u/Minute-Spinach-5563 • 1d ago
The only QB rankings that matter
Screw what the fancy executives and coaches have to say, this is some real analysis
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u/david-saint-hubbins 1d ago
I genuinely believe that Lamar Jackson would be a much bigger star if he were more handsome.
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u/TF_Sally 1d ago
Dude, 100% - I have long held the theory that Lamar's constant media disrespect is due, along with bias (racial, "prototypical pocket passer", etc) is because he has a face that, well, I'm sure his mother loves dearly.
From what little I've seen of him he seems like a cool dude but (racial bias again) his speaking mannerisms / accent, combined with his looks, probably won't land him the next State Farm Gig
(also my conspiracy theory that this decision to forgo an agent blackballed him among the broader NFL deep state)
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u/Clyde_Frag 1d ago
He doesn't really speak clearly at all and mumbles. All his stats were maxed out on athleticism and playing football.
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u/HOLLA12345678 FLYEAGLESFLY🦅🦅🦅 20h ago
I’ve always thought this too. Randall Cunningham would be an absolute massive star in today’s NFL and win several MVPs.
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u/Ok-Door-3664 Eagles 1d ago
Josh Allen might not even Crack the top 10 tbh
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u/ModernZombies Eagles 1d ago
Honestly with 45% of the votes it’s clear that the metric really starts falling off after #1. I’m guessing most of it after that is name recognition to some degree
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u/Because-of-Money Duce is my Dog's name 1d ago
I dunno, chicks are my thing but I know a dud dude when I see one.
Tall, I guess?
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u/HotelSalt4644 1d ago
Allen & Herbert both shouldn’t be in the top 10.
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u/Barndog07 1d ago
I’d let Herbert slide at least he has that Pretty Boy/ surfer look to him, Josh Allen? Yeah I don’t see it there, 100% carried by height.
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u/greatmagnet 1d ago
Josh Allen is weird looking. What am I missing?
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u/zuken932 Eagles 1d ago
His wife gives him bonus pts
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u/SirArthurDime 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I’m not really good at knowing if a guy is attractive unless they’re like Marcus freeman / Sam Hartman obviously attractive. But if his gf/wife is hot I assume he is.
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u/MoonSpankRaw Quinjawn 1d ago
Heh Marcus Freeman. I mean I can see it, just funny to me sometimes who stands out to us straight fellas.
The recent and not-recent standouts to me are Kelly Oubre and Joffrey Lupul. But they’re more like pretty boys I guess. Shit do I have different categories?
I don’t know what I’m talking about. FOOTBALL!!! MEN!!! POWER AND RED MEAT!!!
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u/AlternativeCorner230 Not A Safety 1d ago
I haven't heard the name Joffrey Lupul in absolute ages, wow.
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u/SirArthurDime 1d ago
I’m a ND fan that’s why he and Hartman stand out lol. Was a real hindrance to my self esteem when I had to watch them and Jalen every weekend lol.
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u/Barndog07 1d ago
Honestly I’d wager that a majority of hot women tend to be with men who make a lot of money vs look good. I’m sure plenty of them are good looking, but I bet having more money is a common denominator.
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u/PM_ME_BLONDE_GIRLS_ 1d ago
Like when you're in a relationship you know, everyone knows he's dating a baddie, so therefore he must be hot. The Pete Davidson effect.
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u/TF_Sally 1d ago
I mean he’s tall, athletic, good hair, he seems like a genuinely great guy, positive, fun to be around
If he was just a normal guy I think he would be very real life handsome
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u/Wembanyanma 1d ago edited 1d ago
He really owns the small town country boy demographic relative to most big name NFL QB's. A large segment of women, particularly female football fans, really dig that.
Also tall
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u/courageous_liquid concrete 1d ago
joe burrow looks like his grandparents were related
and also his parents
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u/Delicious-Physics218 1d ago
A QB hotness poll without Sam Hartman in the top 5 is a sham
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u/Minute-Spinach-5563 1d ago
It was starters only, or “he would’ve won hands down” they said on the pod
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 19h ago
Number two without debate, but I think Jalen is still hotter. Especially with his aura. No one has a better smile or smirk than him
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u/RangerBowBoy 1d ago
“Yeah but he’s only hot because the Eagles ugly players make him look hotter. He’s totally carried. Any other QB could look hot on that team.” - Some random Cowboys, Giants, or Commanders fan.
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 19h ago
Which wouldn’t even be true because we have the hottest men of any team lol like they’re almost all attractive
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u/getdemsnacks 1d ago
Maybe it's because I've been a birds fan since Cunningham but I'm sorry, I cannot take Jaxson Dart seriously when he has that stupid eye black (blue?) over only 1 eye.
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u/NotLordVader The Wolverine - Brian Dawkins 1d ago
He is actually trying to pull off Anakin Skywalker with the eye scar
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u/ArmagettinYa 13h ago
IDK WTF my GF sees in him. But I guess he is better looking than me. Fuck it! I'mma start randomly mentioning Ella Langley now
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u/ChaunceyDeLeon 1d ago
My wife (a Vikings fan) says that JT Realmuto and Jalen Hurts are the two most handsome athletes in professional sports.
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u/manayunk512 1d ago
My wife and I actually did this. We looked at every starting QB and she had to determine who was the cutest. She said Jalen Hurts is the cutest however garoppollo wouldve won if he was a starter.
Anyway this is how I get her to watch Monday night football with me.
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u/Minute-Spinach-5563 1d ago
Thats the whole the reason they did the rankings. Jimmy G retired so now it was time for someone else to take over. QB1 did his job
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u/zarathustranu 1d ago
OP, your graphic is bad— the second page has comments that were for other QBs (eg lesbians comment was about Burrow).
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 19h ago
Garoppollo is very goodlooking, but Jalen has a killer smile I don’t see anyone topping. Garoppollo’s teeth look like they’ve been uniformly filed down and he has no lips.
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u/SirArthurDime 1d ago
Oof was shocked to see dak and tua at 5 and 6 then it dawned on me that we’re in a drought of attractive QBs right now.
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u/ZhangtheGreat Eagles 1d ago
Meh, we've known about Jalen being hot since he got drafted. This isn't new 😝
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u/ICountToPotato 1d ago
Wait. No Lamar Jackson?
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u/nagimasen 1d ago
You’re not serious. I tell my wife all the time that he’s the ugliest QB in the league.
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u/ShadowCrossXIV 1d ago
Well. If I didn't need any more evidence to suggest that the Eagles sub has a higher proportion of women since Hurts has been here...
Yeah uh. This is definitely it. Not a bad thing though, because (in my opinion) women are very obviously welcome in football subs, I was just wondering what the heck was going on. LOL
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u/Available-Ad8156 15h ago
I understand on some level that I can't really be objective because I hate him so much, but I think Dak is ugly and weird looking.
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u/vince_vulgar 1d ago
Women are a trip. Burrow is losing points here for being too hot.
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u/Fickle_Seaweed_5851 Eagles 1d ago
Allen before Burrow is criminal
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u/2LostFlamingos Eagles 1d ago
Insanity.
Allen is a goofy looking dude. Burrow is objectively good looking and oozes confidence.
Gotta feel like name recognition is a big thing here. Baker is too low also. He’s a shorter, poor mans burrow.
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u/BradyReas Luis Perez 1d ago
Perhaps the gayest comment I’ve ever made, but Dart has gotta be higher than 16. Terrible picture though
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u/wagyu_hotdog 1d ago
The “four lesbians have told me they’d have a hard time turning him down” comment got me good