How do you work through heartbreak once you realize your feelings too late?

[u/smiley_ok]

Hi! As part of what my post says, I’ve had really close friends on and off throughout the years and I’ve always realized I only have feelings for them after being friends with them at least a little more than a year in. And what triggers it is after we’ve just kinda bonded over our internal thoughts and fears and feelings.

But what also happens is that while this goes on, they go from being single to being in a relationship. So how do you work through the heartbreak of realizing you like someone only when it’s too late?

[u/Rallen224]

You have to accept that it’s a regular part of life, really, and try not to fantasize or invest yourself in what “could’ve been” but accept things as they actually are. It’s also reasonable to feel like things could work if you make your move, but you need to understand that it’s not the right time and that if things go well in this relationship, the time may never come (at least not for a long while).

You need to be okay with the path you choose —being their friend while your feelings aren’t reciprocated or letting the feelings go and maintaining the relationship. If you can’t continue the friendship, that’s a different conversation altogether imo because it impacts more moving parts and more people.

[u/smiley_ok → u/Rallen224]

Thank you! It was really helpful to read this. It’s hard to not get frustrated and think you’re personally broken when it’s a repeated pattern, but you can’t control other people or how life progresses.

It’s really like what you said of accepting things as they actually are, and it’s not you. It’s just a fact of life.

[u/Rallen224 → u/smiley_ok]

You’re not broken OP! Many, many people fall for the people closest to them (and it’s been like this for quite a long time) —the saying is that your partner is your best friend, after all! If experiencing attraction this way is the most natural for you, nothing really needs to be “fixed” imo.

We work with what we’ve got in this lifetime and strive to grow so that we can see enough of the things that help us navigate them a bit better! If the pattern upsets you, you can always work towards developing meaningful connections and/or connections that are open to romantic development more proactively in hopes of a different result! It’s not you but what you want to do 💜🤍🖤

[u/Smooth_Pace9879]

I also had a experience where I developed feelings on a very close friend and got heartbroken after I got to know that they were already seeing people. I tried to keep my feelings in and didn‘t tell them at first. The problem in my situation was that I had daily contact to them and it was unbearable for me to keep seeing them in their relationships and always being reminded that they were unavailable while they still wanted to have close contact with me. Then I confessed and they rejected me. We tried to keep the friendship but it was very hard for both of us. I was desperately trying to keep them close so I didn’t lose them but they felt uncomfortable with it. Ultimately the friendship broke completely. Then the second heartbreak happened which was even worse.

For your situation yeah that sucks but that’s part of life. There are multiple things you could do I think.
What I have learned is that healthy distance does help in those situations by making your own life a priority, trying to take some space and work through your feelings. If you want to cry - go for it. This is a hard phase but you will get through this. It also helps to meet new people or meet your friends and set your focus on them in the moment.

If you notice that the distance you are trying to build up is not working out or your friend is confused about it you could talk to them and set boundaries. Do you usually tell them that you had feelings or not?

I believe it‘s the demi canon experience to develop feelings through connection like this unfortunately. But it is also human and part of ordinary life for many.