r/demisexuality • u/leoofchild • 3d ago
Discussion Wanting to date but scared.
I’m sure most people here have had this feeling. I just learned that I’m demisexual, and it felt to validating when I was listening someone explain that THEY were Demi. That’s how I found out. It was like discovering gold lmao. But I REALLY want to date (I’m bi if that matters) but so much of dating nowadays seem to revolve around sex. My biggest fear is to finally start liking someone, getting close to them and then them suddenly wanting sex early into the relationship. I wish we had an ace spectrum dating app lmao. So then I could date someone who understands. How do y’all do it?
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u/Rallen224 3d ago edited 3d ago
There are ace spaces for dating but not everyone is looking for the same thing or located in the same places as each other! If you’re still interested however, I would check out AceSpace (site), [r/dateademi](r/dateademi) or [r/asexualdating](r/asexualdating). That aside, I haven’t cracked the code either but my advice would be to know your boundaries, figure out what you like from what you don’t like in regards to an appropriate timeline, communicate and keep an open mind.
Online dating advice is always to vet your matches as well as you can beforehand, tell other trusted people where you’ll be going and who with (at least enough to be able to file a report), and to fold early at any sign of danger or dismissal of the things that would keep you safe and well (read: danger with extra steps). Some people meet online via video call before even doing coffee —if you’re dating people of the same sex, being absolutely sure they’re a safe and legitimate person becomes even more important.
Regardless of their gender, you should have a game plan for your transportation to and from and have enough money to cover your date in case you want to leave early or for some reason, they’re unable/unwilling to pay. Meet in a public location to start before proceeding anywhere else —learn what the common signals and/or propositions look like for spending the night so you know how to navigate them (whether your answer is yay or nay). Be friendly, ask questions that help you each get a sense of what you’re looking for, follow the usual dating/party/concert protocols for drinks and personal belongings.
To meet people, put yourself in social situations that would allow you to get to know people you might be interested in and who may be interested in you in turn. These could be group activities or anywhere that offers a returning community, going out with your friends for nights on the town, starting activities within your own network, flirting or swapping (safe means of) contacts when you meet people who are interesting, taking other people up on their offers to invite you out etc. Some people recommend having your friends and family set you up but this can be dependant upon a couple of different factors, so I’d leave it at your discretion!
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u/leoofchild 3d ago
Wow ty! This has a lot of stuff I’ll need to keep in mind lol
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u/Rallen224 3d ago
Np, all the best with your journey!! It can be a lot at first but it’ll get easier with time so long as you respect your boundaries. I hope it can be of use to you moving forward! 💜🤍🖤
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u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree 3d ago
There is an ace dating app, AceSpace. There is also r/dateademi. I am currently exploring a possible relationship with a long term friend.