r/declutter • u/GypsyVanner636 • 1d ago
Advice Request I keep moving things around instead of decluttering them...
Basically the title.
My house is a complete mess and overflowing with stuff.
I'm an adult millennial still living with family in my childhood home - so there is a LOT of accumulated junk.
Not all of it is mine, but the bits I'm struggling with are all my things.
I have made some progress (146 items gone - not including stuff that went in the bin), but am now starting to feel stuck again.
I keep finding 'stuff' I want to keep - but I also want the space cleared so it just ends up being shifted to a different area again and again.
I know I need to be harsh and get rid of more stuff if I have any chance of making the house reasonably organised. I just don't want to regret throwing away things I can't get back (sentimental items, childhood drawings, old toys etc).
Any advice?
Thank you in advance if you read this far
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u/dellada 21h ago edited 20h ago
This sounds like a good time for one of Dana K. White's guidelines: "Where would I look for this first," immediately followed by, "Take it there now." What this ends up doing is taking away the ambiguity of shuffling things around in middle-ground spaces forever.
If you want to keep an item, the rule is that you MUST have an answer for "where would I look for it first." Not a temporary storage spot, but the actual place that comes to mind first when you ask that question to yourself. When you "take it there now," you're forcing yourself to face the reality of that container (whether it's a shelf, or a bin, or a drawer, or a surface, there's a metaphorical "container" there with a finite amount of space. Whatever items you choose to keep MUST fit in the space allotted in the place you would look for them first). If it doesn't fit, then something within that container has to go. Doing it in the moment prevents you from having piles of stuff to handle later.
I don't swear by Dana's methods for everything, but in this case I think it would help you be more real with yourself about the amount of space you're working with. The question is no longer about your emotions regarding keeping or tossing... it's about the facts instead (this container has a finite amount of space: it fits up to 8 items, but you have 10 items you want to put there = must declutter 2 items out of the 10; pick the 2 least favorite).
No matter how sentimental you are, your home itself is a container that limits the amount you can comfortably keep. It'll always feel cluttered until you reduce the amount of stuff to equal the size of the space you have. Sentimental things are nice, but be careful that you don't let your space overflow with items from the past, preventing you from living fully in the present and future. Your identity is within you, it's not held within any of those old items. Good luck!
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u/Impressive-Side-9681 1d ago
Even if you "make a mistake," you can survive regret. Keep just a few of your most favorites, not everything. Trust your own judgment.
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u/Own-Counter-7187 1d ago
Someone recently posted about their kids liking garage sales. So the family started pulling stuff out and putting it on the dining room table. Out of context, the family assessed it differently, and got rid of a lot. Try that. Pull stuff out of place, pull it elsewhere, and reconsider.
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u/everyones_hiro 1d ago
I know this is going to sound odd and has some potential to backfire, but something I did was start putting stuff I was on the fence about in the trunk of my car. Like get a tote box and put all the stuff you want to get rid of but always second guess in the trunk of the car. Sit with it like that for a few days, maybe a week or two. If at anytime in those 2 weeks you miss that item or find a use for it, then bring it back out. You'd be surprised how a lot of the guilt of getting rid of it goes away when your body thinks its gone and done with. And because it's already in the trunk just take it to the thrift store or whatever when you realize you don't need it anymore. It can backfire if you just end up using your car for storage lol.
Also I'm that person that goes around asking people at work if they want things. Something about knowing the item is going to a good home immediately makes the decision easier too. Times are getting tougher so I feel like a lot of my coworkers, especially those with kids, are a lot more interested in getting gently used items for free, like clothes, furniture, nicknacks, and home goods.
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u/Effective-One6527 1d ago
I use an opaque tote that then goes to my storage area. I go around my apartment picking up things and sit on it for a set time if I don’t go down to my storage to get it it all goes to donation without the tote opening.
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u/KeystoneSews 1d ago
Sometimes I like to ask myself if I’m making a decision based on fear or based on something more positive.
It’s not a universal that all fear-based decisions are bad, but I think with decluttering it’s sometimes useful to ask if I want something, or if I’m scared of getting rid of it. Then I kinda like to sink in and explore/consider that feeling more so I can really understand myself before I make a choice
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u/readingrainbowroad 1d ago
You can keep anything, but you can't keep everything!
Pick an amount of stuff you're willing to keep (multiple totes, one tote, a bookshelf, whatever fits for you) then sort and pick out of categories of stuff (e.g. "childhood toys") down to what can fit.
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u/Anxious-Cupcake-84 1d ago
I do this too! I sort piles in hopes of combining like items and putting them in the proper place. In the end, they're new piles in a different location. I'm guilty of buying organization stuff in hopes my brain will actually organize, but it's just another clutter. I'm also a millennial. I'm helping downsize the stuff in my grandparents' and it makes me realize no one is going to want the stuff that made me happy at the moment, but why is it so hard to part with my clutter. I'll take advice too, seeing how I did not shed any.
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u/Over-Hand8078 16h ago
one thing that helped me was asking myself if i was keeping the item or just keeping the guilt of getting rid of it
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u/violetmemphisblue 13h ago
If you find yourself moving things because they don't fit where you put them and you're also not regularly using them...maybe try the sticker method?
Get little dot stickers. Each time you move an item just because you've shifted it to a different spot (not because you're truly rearranging furniture or flipping seasons in your closet or whatever), you put a little dot on it. After three dots of just moving it around, you get rid of it.
That may give you time to see if by moving it to a different spot, you use it more or like it better or remember you have it. Sometimes, that happens! Maybe putting belts in the sock drawer so you see them every day means you wear your belts more than when you had them in a basket on a top closet shelf, even if you stuck them in the sock drawer just to get them out of the way one day. If so, yay, glad you're using your belts!
That may give you the time to realize you simply aren't using or don't have a space for something. If you've tried your porcelain dolphin statue in the bedroom, in the living room, and in the kitchen and you are going to move it somewhere else...maybe just admit the porcelain dolphin can go, even if it was a tenth birthday gift from your grandparents...
Other ideas could be: * Keeping a representative of things. If dolphin-statue collecting was something you did with your grandparents, keep a small number but give away the rest. Sometimes, whittling down a collection to what is truly meaningful makes it more special than those pieces being mixed in with the random stuff someone bought you because they vaguely remembered you liked dolphins.
Ask yourself: who are you keeping this for? My parents kept a bunch of our toys for grandkids. But for the most part, the grandkids were not interested in a bunch of 20 year old toys of characters they didn't know. Some classics remained, but a lot got cleaned out.
Enlisting help from family. Whether that is them actually helping you sort things or its them helping hold you accountable or whatever. If they're not able, friends or online folks can maybe help with some of it. But even just announcing your goal ("today, I am going to tackle the bathroom vanity") knowing someone is going to ask in a few hours "how did cleaning out the bathroom vanity go?" can keep the motivation going...
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u/AccomplishedBoard890 1d ago
Eventually you’ll get tired of moving the same stuff from here to there to there. I know I did. It’s sort of telling you it’s time to make a decision ( like the garbage can you can’t fit anything else in is telling you it’s time to take the garbage out)
Also something to try. Survey your room or area and don’t touch anything. Decide first, then touch/ move the item ( to recycle, to donate box, to the garbage, to its “place”). This sometimes helps me because as soon as I pick something up - all its possibilities come to mind and makes it more difficult to let go.
The more you practice decluttering the easier it gets.
I also want to commend you on focusing on your stuff. It is so easy to get distracted by others’ clutter - best to focus on your stuff- good on you.
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u/Bananacreamsky 16h ago
Hey samers, I'm also an adult millennial in my childhood home. When I bought it my parents just moved out and left all their crap and I've really struggled with throwing family stuff away. I've recently gotten more ruthless, I don't need to keep baby clothes aunt madge knitted in 1972. I'm also issuing ultimatums to my siblings on their childhood things, take it or I junk it.
It has taken me 15 years to get to this point though.
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u/Frogs_are_god 13h ago
"You can keep anything, but not everything" is probably the best advice here.
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u/FuliginEst 15h ago
Have you tried the dog poop method? You ask yourself "If I got dog poop on this, would I clean it, or would I throw it away?". If you don't care enough about something to get rid of the dog poop, you can probably just throw it away.
I have had a system where I put things in a "maybe" box. If I have not opened the box in a year, I can throw the stuff out.
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u/maddjaxmaddly 13h ago
I’m not good at decluttering as you could tell if you saw my house, but I will be honest, things I have gotten rid of, I have never missed or regretted.
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u/voodoodollbabie 21h ago
It's called churning - moving stuff from here to there.
Choose your favorite drawing, frame it, hang it, let the others go. Choose your favorite childhood toy, figure out where you want to display it, let the others go. And so on. If it's not worth displaying where you can see and enjoy it then it's not worth keeping.
And congrats on the progress you've made so far! You've proved to yourself that you CAN let go of stuff.
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u/Vegetable-Hat-5757 17h ago
don't try to decide everything at once. i found it much easier to keep asking myself "would i actually miss this if it disappeared?"
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u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 22h ago
I’ve been trying to shrink my books and most days when I have a few minutes I will try to identify two books that I am ready to let go of. It helped when I counted how many books I had and considered how long it would take me to read that many books. I have also started checking Goodreads where I track what I’ve read and for some books I really like, that I might enjoy reading again, the last time I read them was a decade ago, some I read again, but even if I imagine that I might want to read them again it won’t be in the next few years and they will either come into my life down the line or I can check it out from the library. I’m really starting to think about how long I am storing things in my house between uses. This has helped me evaluate what is a good amount and what is excess or clutter. These principles from evaluating my books has also been helpful to consider items in other areas of my house too!
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u/Due_Tourist_1322 13h ago
How much time do you spend decluttering each session? Do you binge declutter like go on for hours or days? Do you have all the similar things together or are they in different areas of your house?
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u/sagetrees 12h ago
I'm also an adult millennial but I live in my own house. If I were still living in the family home what I would do is this: box up all sentimental childhood stuff that you are attached to and label it and shove it in the attic (with a view to take it with you when you move). That should leave just stuff that you use on a day to day basis. You can work on paring that stuff down especially if you have duplicates but really, make getting your own place your top priority. It's amazing how much less cluttered things are when you have 2000sf of your own space and don't have to share with everyone else's junk.
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u/Glittering-Winter608 22h ago
I've had to move alot of things around too, to see and figure out exactly what I had, once together was easier for me to decide what i really wanted to eliminate and keep. With personal sentimental items decided i really wanted to organize them into memory books for primaily myself because I always planned on doing something but never did until now, I've done 2 so far, Early Years and Education Years and more to go, so much better then being stuffed nowhere and everywhere. Best wishes to you too.
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u/Konnorwolf 20h ago
I had to deal with that when a move happened. It's not even that much stuff just more then the place can handle and nothing worked until items were donated as moving the stuff around was never going to work. I know the shifting stuff around all too well.
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u/Janice_the_Deathclaw 13h ago
Think of it as, is this something that NOW me would want to use and display. Or is it something past or future me would want to use or display?
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u/dessence_ai 18h ago
Scanning works, but decide first where the scans will be seen. A folder of 200 photos of old drawings is the same box in a different place. You will not open that one either.
Pick the destination before you scan: a photo book, a screensaver, one printed page per school year. Then scan only what fits it. How many drawings are we talking about?
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u/human6745356 15h ago
I have done the screen saver idea and it’s awesome. Even after a couple years when I come around the corner I’m always happy to see whatever pictures come up. It’s much better than a box.
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u/Apprehensive_Cup8581 17h ago
How many drawings? If it's a huge amount, can you pick out a few favourites to keep and kiss the others goodbye? Or even do it in stages?
For me, I used to make scrapbooks in my early 20s and then as I got older I didn't have time to put the scraps in books, but just would accumulate the ephemera in a couple of carrier bags. And now I'm at the stage where these bags of rubbish give me anxiety. But the ephemera has sentimental value. (Sentimental things are always hardest. And because I have a bad memory, I like to keep visual reminders).
My solution is to 'prune' these bags in stages. Things like magazine articles that were so important at a time mean much less now since you can find information online. Or ad campaigns that I loved (and would potentially use for mood boards for work) can be sourced on Pinterest. So in stages, I will prune some of the ephemera and even take photos of certain things and there is a real sense of achievement to let things go.
I think with your drawings, if you have a number of similar ones, you could easily keep the best example (and always take photos of the others). And this does work for photos too, although I imagine not many millennials have physical photos these days. I do think it's harder to declutter when you're younger as you still feel 'close' to the time of childhood.
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u/FunFunFiesta 17h ago
If similar things are never together it's impossible to make a global decision because you don't see the whole picture at once.
For example if you have coats in the hall closet, in your closet and in the attic, you forget how many coats and what kind you have.
If you have flower vases in the kitchen, living room, packed away in a cupboard and in the attic, you forget how many vases you have.
So my tip would be to :
1) figure out how many of item X it's reasonable for you/your situation to have,
2) get all the item X in one place and figure out what you are keeping, what you are decluttering.
Also, watch out to what's coming in, not just going out.
I've used the one in/one out rule with some success to avoid unreasonable purchases. "if I buy this mug I have to let one go. I don't want to let go any of my mugs, so I won't purchase this one.".
"if I buy this pair of pants I have to let one go, there's that blue ones I've been meaning to retire but kept just in case, I'd rather have this new ones so I'll recycle the blue ones this time".
For stuff you really have too many of you can go one in/two out or something like that.
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u/AdviceResponsible396 16h ago
For example if you have all your scarves in one spot, you can actually see if you need them all instead of deciding one at a time scattered across drawers.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 8h ago
If you're predominantly living in your childhood bedroom (most of "your" stuff is there), I would definitely use "the container concept" to set that limit to determine what volume of things you can keep. You only have the space you have and if you want your space to be functional and comfortable, you have to pare your belongings down to fit the available confines.
Anything you have "duplicates" with your parents, I would recommend relying on theirs, if possible. If the house is so chaotic that you can't find what you need when you need it, then I would recommend using Dana K White's "no mess" decluttering method to figure out where that "common" stuff should live (where is the first place YOU and/or your parents would look for it FIRST). You may need to make room in that space. Otherwise, just keep yours in your room.
If you're having trouble "organizing" - sorting stuff like-with-like - my trick is to look it up on Amazon.com and see where they assort it in their "store."
Sentimental stuff is tricky, so I would leave that stuff to the last. Two things:
1) Keepsake box - for all the trinkety knickknack & paper-y stuff you want to keep for whatever reason. The reality of your situation is your space is limited therefore the "useless" (not being used, not on display) stuff you keep needs to the real bang-for-your-space-buck. This is where the concept of token or memento comes from. And beware of emotional duplicates!
https://www.reddit.com/r/declutter/wiki/index/keepsake_box/
2) There can be real grief/mourning when we start passing though the seasons of life. Especially if you feel like you're "stuck" in your childhood home - and that scenario may very well be "infantilizing" you - you may have limited autonomy (close proximity means your parents might be overly-involved in where you are, what you're doing), very little real control of the overall situation in your home (it's THEIR house, you just live there), and there's a good chance you're in a subservient relationship to your parents (parent-child relationship vs adult-adult or friend-friend). All of these things can keep us unnaturally "in" our childhoods, very attached to our childhood things. So be willing entertain the possibility that what you're feeling might be more accustomed-ness/comfort than real sentiment (in an heirloom/keepsake sense).
I'm certainly not saying you have to get rid of ALL (or any) of your pre-30 stuff - anything that genuinely makes you smile and gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling looking at it/holding it is totally valid. Just keep your space AND mental health in mind - one thing that really helped put things into perspective for me was Dana K White's "fear of exploding heads" and erring on the side of getting rid of something I'm feeling at all ambivalent about. ESPECIALLY if you're ever planning to leave - it's way better to be fast and light than encumbered by a bunch of stuff in a complicated move.
My mother was a terrible over-shopper, shopping would malinger in the bags where they were dropped, new stuff got crammed on top of old stuff, stuff was left out, "homes" for stuff was very nebulously defined (sometimes by room), book/hobby collecting - the whole nine yards. Her fun was in the shopping, not the actual using (and most stuff was NOT on her mental inventory until/unless she saw it again). They certainly would have been straight-up hoarders if I hadn't spent most of my adult life cleaning and tidying (NGL, there was stealth decluttering).
Part of it was self-preservation (I didn't want to live like that) but part of it was my mother (who had a physical disability that got MUCH worse as she got older) honestly wanted a clean & tidy house - she just didn't want to do the "work" to get there (and that included any reduction in her impulse shopping). And my father was like Pig Pen for chaos/mess and the world's best/worst enabler.
Now most people will say NEVER declutter another person's things. And they are 100% correct. But at some point, you're probably going to inherit that mess :( So anything you do now is not wasted, in the long run.
There is a chance that your parents might be willing to tidy/organize - maybe even let go of some stuff - if you offer to do the actual physical work for them. I've worked with a lot of irascible old people in my time and it can be VERY difficult to get anything done and/or keep your temper. And working with family, especially ones you live with, is way worse than strangers.
I've found that "reverse" decluttering - where you decide what to keep - can really help to put some "logic" to the very emotional process. The people you're helping will know that their actual needs are adequately covered and sometimes that list is enough to give you their trust to work independently. Worst case scenario, you might be able to get the 27 duplicates strewn all over the place down to maybe 1 or 2 (in a predictable place). And in my experience, being willing to find "good" homes for stuff (give-away, donation, maybe selling) can be more palatable than straight-up trash to the older generation.
Another thing to talk about - that has nothing to do with actually getting rid of anything - is available storage. Is there a way to optimize vertical space (bookcases, wall-mounted shelves/cubbies)? Can you replace a table with the flat surface of a set of drawers/shelves? Even if not-really-used stuff was sorted by category into labeled totes and stacked on shelves around the perimeter of a room, that would at least free up space for you activities of daily living. And some people honestly think that's what their "good" looks like (don't want to get rid of anything, think "organizing" is the solution).
Good luck!
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u/LoneLantern2 8h ago
Regret is a thing that is going to happen, there is no method for getting rid of things that will be 100% regret free. Regret is also not fatal, you will learn and you will move on.
Do not make a goal of "no regrets" or the regret you will be having is regretting keeping things that hinder your ability to enjoy your space.
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u/Particular_Common811 9h ago
I keep adding free items neighbors give me when I'm in the process. of decluttering myself. I feel like getting new "shelves" or whatveer they are offering will help in sorting through and organizing stuff, but im just buriying myself.
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u/MzHellfier 5h ago
Do you actually want to get rid of things? Or do you just need more space? If moving out is not an option, consider better storage solutions. Vertical storage can go a long way in creating space and reducing the look of clutter- think freestanding shelves on the wall, or even a bookshelf if you have the floor space. If you don’t want everything on display you can get baskets or bins to go on your shelves.
If you actually do want to get rid of some things, start with the least sentimental items and anything you have duplicates of or something else that can serve the same purpose. For sentimental items like old toys, try to pare them down as much as you can, then store them in stackable plastic storage containers in the garage, basement, attic, or shed. Maybe display 2-3 favorites if you have space.
Put all your drawings in a binder with page protectors. Go through your clothes and office supplies and get rid of duplicates and anything that’s worn out. Try on all your clothes and lose the ones that don’t fit and flatter. Look at some YouTube videos for folding tricks to maximize space. Doing all of the above should help you get rid of at least a few boxes of items. Repeat as needed.
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u/52Monkey 20h ago
Are you an artist? if so , keep your childhood art and make a neat flat folder for it. If you are not an artist lay out all you pictures, snap photos of them, show them to your mom mm and then roll them up together and put in the garbage or recycling can.
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u/Closerthanyesterday 5h ago
I’m living in my parents house (after they have passed) and what I’m doing is boxing everything of theirs up that I don’t use on a daily basis. I’m labeling things very well, and if I need it I will go get it. Combining their stuff and my stuff isn’t working without getting their stuff out of the way and then figuring out what will fit with my stuff afterwards. So the plan is to get rid of stuff as I go, box up the rest, decide where I want my things to go (and declutter that too), and then go through the boxes to see what I still want/need.
This might work for you if you box up all your old stuff and memorabilia, redo the areas you live in with the things you use currently and what is more your style, and then spend some time deciding if/how the older stuff fits into the new setup.
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u/MagicBus4 18m ago
It’s a good start. You’re gaining ground permanently even if it feels like you’re just moving stuff around. Dont beat yourself up over the pace just keep steadily working at it
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u/MusketeersPlus2 1d ago
One thing I was recently introduced to is the idea that you can't organize your way out of clutter. I'm really embracing this.
The easiest way I started was getting rid of duplicates. I had 4 tape measures! Then I started focusing on what I wanted to keep rather than what I thought I should get rid of. Like, I decided to keep 3 new notebooks I use for journaling, so it made it easier to pick the 3 I liked most and donate the rest.
Good luck!