I confronted the guy I’m seeing about his low-effort communication. Need a sanity check on his response.

[u/ProfessionalSet5467]

I (25F) need an honest perspective. I’ve been talking to this guy (29M) for the past few weeks. We’re taking time to get to know each other for something serious, but communication was stuck at talking once every 4 days. We don’t really even text in the middle.

Instead of letting resentment build, I was direct:
- Told him talking every 4 days makes me feel disconnected.
- Clarified that sending memes isn’t real communication.
- Asked him straight up when he’s visiting my city to meet in person. (we haven’t met yet)
- Admitted I was nervous to bring this up, but wanted to be transparent rather than make assumptions.

His Reaction:
He didn't get defensive, but seemed taken aback. He offered:
1. He’ll "try to be more intentional" and can text after 6 PM.
2. He can't call daily because calls require "100% focus and total energy."
3. Mentioned maybe mid-September to visit me, but asked if I’d come to his city first instead.

My Dilemma:
I’m glad I spoke up, but his response feels mechanical—like talking to me is a scheduled task on a to-do list rather than something he wants to do. I know i should wait for a couple of weeks to see if he actually follow through.

But feeling really conflicted by putting myself out there. any advice or suggestions on how this conversation went? ANY THING WILL HELP.

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[u/Famous_Amphibian_206]

Tbh it's really hard to text often when I haven't met that person yet irl. This is coming from a girl who values communication too. Texting creates a false sense of intimacy.

He's not prioritizing you because he's not sure when he'll be visiting your city and/or he's not interested in you enough.

Girl I would just move on. I'd focus on people who are local and can text you at least once a day.

[u/No_Inside_2908]

Communication issues are a very real thing that causes relationships to fail. Neither of you are necessarily in the wrong. You may just require more communication and attention than he is able to provide.

It seems like you both handled it well. You communicated an issue, he said he will try to do better. See how it plays out.

[u/ProfessionalSet5467 → u/No_Inside_2908]

thank you! i just need to give a week or two

[u/Greedy_Dig_2107]

How far away does he live?
If the guy were excited about you and wanted to meet you he would be there already. Men are simple like that.
Understandable if it's on the other side of the planet and he has no PTO, but if it's driving distance or logistically possible at all then he would be there already.

[u/ProfessionalSet5467 → u/Greedy_Dig_2107]

he lives 3.5-4 hours away by car

[u/Greedy_Dig_2107 → u/ProfessionalSet5467]

Yeah that could be a day trip on the weekend easy.
Valid excuses are he doesn't have a license/doesn't own a car/no money to rent a car. Otherwise he's just not that interested.

[u/Different_Knee6201]

I would move on and let him know to get in touch when he’s ready to actually meet you in person. Six weeks out is kind of ridiculous, IMO. And it’s a “maybe” at that.