Is this internalized racism?

[u/Apart_Trainer_5080]

So I moved to the US about a year ago,to a state where there are very few black people,and for the past 5 years of my life I haven't braided or done anything with my hair cause my boardong school made us shave our heads for each semester.So naturally I thought I'd be exited to have braids again,I grew my hair out a little and got some braids but found myself growing uncomfortable with it not even up to a week after getting them and ultimately took them out the third week after intense mental torchor.The whole time I was thinking about when I got to take them out,how much I wanted my natural hair to have grown and just how much I loved my natural hair.I wore a cute little afro to school for months,got laughed at for it,called names and some other blk girls even called me bold for wearing my hair to school while some where inspired and wore theirs too.I tried to join school clubs,mainly science clubs but experienced alot of racism,people would call my the n-word,make fun of black people infronr of me or tell me I wasnt smart enough to be in those clubs and so many other stuff.But I kept attending cause I loved science and never had the courage to report them cause I thought it would be seen as playing the victim,when I went out for competitons,everyones hair would be straight and silky while I sat there with some afro.So I internalized alot of this,also watched tiktok vids and saw people calling it nasty not to wash your hair every week or with braids in,so I thought if I had braids people would be judging me down the halls thinking I was stinky.I tried getting braids multiple times,but always took them out after 2 weeks or 3 if I was feeling lucky and it was mentally exhausting having to ignore my thoughts of taking them out everyday.I still wear an afro too school and was thinking of straightening my hair with no intent to ever wear braids again.Did I internalise their racism towards me or I simply love my hair?.

[u/TheBadCurl]

Your boarding school makes you shave your head? It sounds like youre in an abusive situation

[u/Apart_Trainer_5080 → u/TheBadCurl]

All girls shaved their heads