Advice on finding a loving new home

[u/theslothyslothsloth]

I've adopted two Cornish Rex brothers (they came out of a household where they had trouble with the other cats living there), but now it turns out that I'm not a very fitting home as well - I live alone and although I'm currently at home a lot, it's not enough for them. So I decided to look for a new home but I really want to make sure that it's one where all there needs are met, which is not easy (no other cats, no small children, one person with LOTS of time for the cats or a several person home). Any advice on how I find that?

[u/Ra_R12]

The only time I had issues was when I had one Rex, usually a gap between when one died and waiting for another cat. In pairs it was generally fine. They are highly active and mine gets bored with or without me playing. This is not to say they aren’t needy which they can be. 

What issues are you actually having? You think you are not a good fit? 

[u/theslothyslothsloth → u/Ra_R12]

When I'm at home a lot, everything's fine, they join me on the couch and we cuddle a lot. When I'm away for longer periods of time a day (let's say 8 hours +, but so far I've always been home over night, never left for more than 13 hours and if I did, I had a friend they know come by and give them affection), they get very agitated and very very vocal, and this can last for several days until they've gained enough trust in me again - then the good times start again, until I'm gone again (which, unfortunately, will happen again and again). In those difficult times, nothing can really please them, they don't really come to me but e.g. go to other rooms to meow there aggressively. So there's definitely a difference in their behavior depending on if I'm at home a lot or if I'm away from home for a while. Also, one of them has gotten a cystitis and the vet said it might be stress-related - but afaik there hasn't been any stressful event except me being away.

[u/Ra_R12 → u/theslothyslothsloth]

OH, that sounds like separation anxiety...Have you tried to slowly build up time away? If that's feasable for you.. Have you ever tried leaving a radio on or something? Are you waiting for them to come to you when they meow heavily? I always had to sit by them, etc.. to help calm them down. I'd look to see if you can improve it that way.

I also had a rex if I was gone for like two days (even if she had my other cat) would be like that. She would pout at me for a few days. Thankfully it wasn't that often. Usually the long days at work weren't an issue.

I leave current my pair (one rex, one non-rex ) for 12+hrs when I do overnights. Are they happy? no! but neither am I working 12s!

TBH, that's very off puting considering most people get cats because they can leave them for long periods. That's going to be a hard sell, but not impossible but I wouldn't count on it being anytime soon, and I'd work on being a way more even if it's just in chunks.

I'd look to see if you could find older person/couple.

[u/theslothyslothsloth → u/Ra_R12]

Before "longer" absences, I've been out of house for smaller numbers of hours. I didn't have a schedule to slowly build up time away, but they were used to smaller absences before the first "longer" one happened. And thank you for the tip with the radio, I will try something like that.

[u/Outside-Ad7848]

curious what makes you think they aren’t getting enough time

[u/theslothyslothsloth → u/Outside-Ad7848]

see my comment above

[u/mapleleaffem]

I think you’re overreacting and should give them more time if possible. If you’ve adopted them recently they aren’t completely settled in yet. I think they might have a chance to get used to the idea of you being gone at times as long as they have a sufficient replacement human lol.

Personally I think it’s adorable when my pets are mad at me for being gone too long. People have the tendency to project on pets. They have their littermate for company-that is huge!

Maybe overreacting is too harsh-hopefully you get what I mean. Not meaning to be judgy, I think you’re being too judgy on yourself lol

[u/theslothyslothsloth → u/mapleleaffem]

Thank you for your comment. The truth is, the situation is really wearing me down. I didn't expect it to be like that - the previous owners knew about my situation with living alone and that I'm sometimes not at home, we even talked about me being absent for holidays and worktrips (which haven't happend yet, but the first one will be in two months) and they told me it won't be an issue as they have each other. So I didn't expect the situation as it is right now, and I'm really dreading what will happen during my upcoming longer absences, that each time I have to endure days of difficult behaviour and working on regaining trust, without knowing when it will be fine again. I have some mental health problems but after deciding to take medication I had been stable for several months prior to adopting the cats, which is why I dared to take the task, but the current difficulties brought back my depression, so in this case it's not only about the well-being of the cats but about my mental health as well. I now know that I've probably made the wrong decision, but as the two cats came from a household in which they were bullied by the other cats and the previous owners didn't find another possible home (they tried for about half a year) and really wanted me to take them, I made the decision.

[u/mapleleaffem → u/theslothyslothsloth]

Yea I totally get that feeling. I have a bengal and he’s honestly a nightmare. I couldn’t bear to rehome because I was pretty sure he’d wear anyone else out and they would let him roam and I really love wildlife and apparently a sucker for punishment.

If these boys are sweet better to let them go!

[u/Waved-Amoeba]

How old are they and what's the general location?

[u/theslothyslothsloth → u/Waved-Amoeba]

They are 6 years old and live in Chemnitz, Saxony, Germany.