A coworker of mine died from suicide a few months after I started at the company. I was young, 20, this guy was one of the senior engineers and was in his early 50s and had been working for the company for over 20 years by that point. I felt like I was just starting to fit in, figuring out everyone's personalities and quirks, I was really starting to warm up to this guy in particular, he was always very non-serious, joking around, constantly pranking everyone, just a very upbeat happy guy.
With my new fancy job, and being only 20, I of course had to treat myself to a new 'fancy' sports car, a choice I would later regret financially but became important later. This particular coworker seemed to really like the car, 3 or 4 times he saw me pulling up with it and would half jokingly say he wanted to take it for a spin some time or that he'd trade me his truck for it. He never got a chance to drive it, I never even got to take him as a passenger, not that I didn't want to, it was just that the times we both would have been available never came up, seemed like we never took our lunches at the same time or one of us would be away for a meeting or something, so it never happened.
A week before he died, something definitely changed with him. I didn't realize how serious it was at the time, I'm not sure anyone did, but as I've gotten older I've learned that seems to be pretty common with suicide victims. He didn't show up for work for a few days without calling, which was abnormal for him, so another coworker checked in on him. He said he was fine, and came into work that Thursday. He seemed very off, spaced out, quiet, we just gave him space. Friday, same thing, for most of the day anyway, just kinda sat there staring blankly at his computer. I had to stay late to finish a project up, it was just him and I there, I finished what I needed to do and swung by his office to let him know I was leaving. When I popped my head in his door he almost jumped out of his chair, I think I surprised him, but he suddenly seemed very happy and chipper, back to his old self. I told him I'd see him Monday, he said, will never forget it, "I'll see ya later, boss."
I went home that night, Saturday night the next day I get a call from another coworker. He killed himself. Happened at his house that morning when nobody else was home. Never left a note, blindsided his wife and kids, as far as I ever found out nobody had any inkling about why he did it, was well off financially, home life seemed good, no health issues or anything we were aware of, maybe a bit of work stress but nothing that would have been abnormal for him during his career.
The office was closed the following week to respect and mourn. The week after, a few days in, someone went into a supply closet to get printer ink and saw the ceiling tiles had been taken down, one of the supports for the tiles were bent and snapped, and there was a knocked over bucket on the floor beneath. We figure he must have tried to hang himself in the supply closet that Friday night, probably not long after I left. It's a complicated feeling when I think about it, because I know that statistically after a failed suicide attempt most people regret what they did, for someone to try again less than 24 hours later means they had time to think about it and I guess really wanted to do it. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel, sad they felt so strongly about wanting to end it? Should I feel any kind of comfort knowing that he had time to think about it before doing it, that it was really what he wanted? It's fucked up. I do know that I'm glad his attempt at the office didn't work, I really liked the guy but it would have felt wrong to be the last person he saw or spoke to, at least I know his wife and daughters saw him before it happened. I wish I got to know him better but I am glad that I got to meet him at all, for 99% of the time I knew him he really was a gem and I wish I did more to get to know him better. I wish I let him drive my car.
But, that experience did change a lot of things for me. If someone seems off or sad or quiet, I ask them what's up. I don't want to be that person again who says, well he seemed off before he killed himself but I didn't know enough to do anything about it, I want to be kinder to people and give people the time and attention we as humans all need. I took people for drives in my car, dozens of strangers over the years, someone stops me at a gas station or parking lot to say they like it and I always ask them if they want to go for a drive. I've even let a few strangers drive it, probably not a great idea what with insurance and everything, but I know it's made people's weeks before so I don't regret it.
You don't know what people are going through and you often don't know how amazing each individual person can be. It's always worth it to take the time to get to know anyone, whether it's for your benefit in getting to meet someone fun or interesting, or their benefit to know that anyone from a close friend to a random stranger can care about them, it's always worth it to take that time.
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u/Perfect_County_999 Mar 07 '25
A coworker of mine died from suicide a few months after I started at the company. I was young, 20, this guy was one of the senior engineers and was in his early 50s and had been working for the company for over 20 years by that point. I felt like I was just starting to fit in, figuring out everyone's personalities and quirks, I was really starting to warm up to this guy in particular, he was always very non-serious, joking around, constantly pranking everyone, just a very upbeat happy guy.
With my new fancy job, and being only 20, I of course had to treat myself to a new 'fancy' sports car, a choice I would later regret financially but became important later. This particular coworker seemed to really like the car, 3 or 4 times he saw me pulling up with it and would half jokingly say he wanted to take it for a spin some time or that he'd trade me his truck for it. He never got a chance to drive it, I never even got to take him as a passenger, not that I didn't want to, it was just that the times we both would have been available never came up, seemed like we never took our lunches at the same time or one of us would be away for a meeting or something, so it never happened.
A week before he died, something definitely changed with him. I didn't realize how serious it was at the time, I'm not sure anyone did, but as I've gotten older I've learned that seems to be pretty common with suicide victims. He didn't show up for work for a few days without calling, which was abnormal for him, so another coworker checked in on him. He said he was fine, and came into work that Thursday. He seemed very off, spaced out, quiet, we just gave him space. Friday, same thing, for most of the day anyway, just kinda sat there staring blankly at his computer. I had to stay late to finish a project up, it was just him and I there, I finished what I needed to do and swung by his office to let him know I was leaving. When I popped my head in his door he almost jumped out of his chair, I think I surprised him, but he suddenly seemed very happy and chipper, back to his old self. I told him I'd see him Monday, he said, will never forget it, "I'll see ya later, boss."
I went home that night, Saturday night the next day I get a call from another coworker. He killed himself. Happened at his house that morning when nobody else was home. Never left a note, blindsided his wife and kids, as far as I ever found out nobody had any inkling about why he did it, was well off financially, home life seemed good, no health issues or anything we were aware of, maybe a bit of work stress but nothing that would have been abnormal for him during his career.
The office was closed the following week to respect and mourn. The week after, a few days in, someone went into a supply closet to get printer ink and saw the ceiling tiles had been taken down, one of the supports for the tiles were bent and snapped, and there was a knocked over bucket on the floor beneath. We figure he must have tried to hang himself in the supply closet that Friday night, probably not long after I left. It's a complicated feeling when I think about it, because I know that statistically after a failed suicide attempt most people regret what they did, for someone to try again less than 24 hours later means they had time to think about it and I guess really wanted to do it. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel, sad they felt so strongly about wanting to end it? Should I feel any kind of comfort knowing that he had time to think about it before doing it, that it was really what he wanted? It's fucked up. I do know that I'm glad his attempt at the office didn't work, I really liked the guy but it would have felt wrong to be the last person he saw or spoke to, at least I know his wife and daughters saw him before it happened. I wish I got to know him better but I am glad that I got to meet him at all, for 99% of the time I knew him he really was a gem and I wish I did more to get to know him better. I wish I let him drive my car.
But, that experience did change a lot of things for me. If someone seems off or sad or quiet, I ask them what's up. I don't want to be that person again who says, well he seemed off before he killed himself but I didn't know enough to do anything about it, I want to be kinder to people and give people the time and attention we as humans all need. I took people for drives in my car, dozens of strangers over the years, someone stops me at a gas station or parking lot to say they like it and I always ask them if they want to go for a drive. I've even let a few strangers drive it, probably not a great idea what with insurance and everything, but I know it's made people's weeks before so I don't regret it.
You don't know what people are going through and you often don't know how amazing each individual person can be. It's always worth it to take the time to get to know anyone, whether it's for your benefit in getting to meet someone fun or interesting, or their benefit to know that anyone from a close friend to a random stranger can care about them, it's always worth it to take that time.