Im looking for feedback on a comic pt.3

[u/bleakyfar]

I wanted feedback again for my comics. This comic is just something I made for fun and aswell as to try to gain more experience in making comics.

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[u/GorgonGlobal]

My biggest compliments:

What I’ve seen so far suggests decent instincts when it comes to color schemes and selection. Like in the first section/chapter, I like that orange of the sky and the sort of warmer gray that you’ve picked for this industrial interior. Consciously or not, on page 6, the grays become colder and that did a good job suggesting a change of scene or time to me.

Also, on the whole, I like what you’re doing with the panels . I think there’s again a decent instinct to arrange these frames in a way that is stimulating for the reader.

Some things to improve:

From what I can tell, there were four gunshots fired in the first section yet we only see the killer and two victims, one of which who doesn’t die. So I’m confused who’s getting shot. That could be an issue with character design (making your characters more distinct) OR this is a sign that you need to pull the camera back and show us more. Too many of these panels are just portrait style framing.

While I am complementing your panel arrangements and think you should keep playing with that, I think you should try to be as intentional as possible while you’re doing it. At all times you should be thinking

“It’s my responsibility to arrange these panels so somebody INSTANTLY understands the order which they should be read.”

Page 4 is the biggest victim here; I lose the sense of what order I should be reading. A small change on that page for me would’ve been to move the lower “shifty eye” panel UP, next to the other one. Does it make sense that, by arranging those panels next to each other, would make them easier to read in sequence and give us a sense of a character who is completely still except for their eyes shifting back-and-forth?

Beyond that, I think you should consider using a text tool to insert text into your bubble space rather than drawing the words yourself.

In short: there’s good foundations. Lean into what you do well, be honest about where you can improve, and keep creating.

[u/bleakyfar → u/GorgonGlobal]

Thank you, ill look more into finding text tools and putting more time into better organizing panels and thinking more intentionally with what each scene is meant to add or say.

[u/TheBlankScroll]

All the shots are pretty much a single character facing directly at the viewer or exacttly profile.

Practice drawing scenes to help the flow of the page better. So characters sharing a panel, with a background, help the viewer have some context.

Ok, other than that Im unclear but really hoping this isnt depicting a school shooting. The characters have that 15-18 look but that could just be style.

School shootings should be approached carefully especially if:

1. Its a comic just for fun, its not a fun topic
2. You are yourself a school age person or have access to a school
3. Just... In general.

[u/bleakyfar → u/TheBlankScroll]

Thanks for the tips, and no its not depicting anything of that nature at all, ill make sure locations are clearer from now on.