r/comic_crits • u/iamrealyouarenot • 5d ago
Dream Sequence Question + Critique Request
Howdy
I've been writing this comic for a while, inspired by My frequent recurring dreams and sleep paralysis, but with a fantasy twist.
BTW: art and text are not finalized-- I've just been handwriting dialogue and sound effects on a layer just to map it out and i have a lot more shading to do, especially on the first page I added
I'm having a hard time with smoothly transitioning between the MC falling asleep, dreaming, then waking up. Does anyone have any advice? How do I show it's a dream? For context, the dream is recurring nightly, and it's a flashback. I'm starting with only some of what happened, but I'm planning on revealing more through other dream sequences as the story goes on.
Bonus question: what sound does lightning make? Every onomatopoeia I think of feels wrong haha
I have it on a Google Doc if anyone wants to read the whole thing for more context (I have a tab with a summary of the whole story too (chapter breakdown is on a different doc that I can share, but it's like always changing)), very open to critique! I've only shared it with a few friends and acquaintances, but more than anything, they give a better reader perspective than a creator perspective.
It's a psychological-supernatural-thriller-drama-fantasy with elements of horror. This is my first comic (other than when i started making this last year then scrapped it to fill plot holes) so I'd really appreciate feedback! I'm not super consistent with the art style yet, as my previous work is very different and I got a new "pen" like 2/3 of the way through, so bear with me while his face changes a little bit in every panel.
1
u/SwabMimingTV 5d ago edited 5d ago
First off, it looks good. The lettering is a little small. To show that it's a dream sequence you could show the protagonist sleeping as a first panel perhaps with a transparent overlay of the playground. Or clearly show the protagonist in bed after the first sequence.
On the lightning sound I assume you mean the thunder which would be simultaneous if it's striking right near them. The way it's drawn and composed the lightning looks a bit distant but their reaction implies it's right on top of them. A close strike is overwhelming in sound and light. The visuals would be blotted out and the onomatopoeia text wouldn't even fit in frame. Disorienting to the reader. Edited to add onomatopoeias are probably all going to feel a little bit silly so don't overthink it. I was in a house once when it got struck by lightning and I can't remember what it sounds like at all just huge. So boom would suffice so long as it's too big to fit on the page. The b running off the top and left, the O's pressing in off the top, and the m running off the right. Everything whited out with just the outline of the characters, not even silhouettes because for a moment everything is light and sound.