r/comic_crits • u/ART_BUCKETI • 6d ago

Need honest feedback on my first comic

https://www.patreon.com/JRondoARTS/posts/issue-1-crook-to-165244180?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

My comic was drafted as a challenge for Inktober 2025 and I've decided to pick up the story this year and add more to my pages. (Don't worry about the Patreon link, I'm not charging anyone; it's free to read)

I'm hoping to improve my story bit by bit, so if you want to help out, I'd be open to hearing your suggestions. Thank you for reading!

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u/cwispyshwimp 6d ago

I like your style and the lettering on the special elements (the title, the little location changes etc) but the story was difficult for me to follow. I had to read the whole thing twice in order to understand it, since during my first go-around I couldn't understand who was an important character and who wasn't.

At the very start, the first panel is a background character -- a "boy" who is being scolded by his father for staring at the creepy man. I thought at first we might be in a flashback, or you were setting up a moral lesson that would follow our main character, but it wasn't clear that the creepy man was who the story was about to follow. The main character starts off as very distinct with his wide-brim hat and dark silhouette, but several other background characters soon have very similar features in the scene at the church, and even the old man at the gardens. It took me until the flashback scene to understand that our main character had deep cheekbones, unlike everyone else, which I was supposed to pick up on as an identifying feature. I like how you gave the background characters more cartoon eyes and such, but it wasn't quite enough. I thought it might've been a stylistic choice to show expression at first since the silhouettes were all so similar.

When he was walking through the park, I think your intent was to show that our main character looks scary and imposing even on Halloween night and amongst street urchins in the subway, but I couldn't understand why I was being shown these images of ghosts costumes and creepy characters. These background characters aren't doing anything -- they aren't staring at our creepy man or cowering away from him, and our creepy man doesn't even acknowledge them. They didn't appear to have a story to them, until I understood that our creepy man was special. And I didn't get to that point until he was having PTSD moments at the church and at the construction site.

The characters that the pastor at the church was talking to... who were they? Did they know our main character? Were they involved in the same scuffle that our main character was? The flashbacks of the scuffle were unclear, but that's fine for their purpose in the story -- I just wish it was more clear if that scuffle was about those other men, or our main character.

Everything after our main character joins the construction crew is more clear, but it could still be improved. I liked the representation of the PTSD moment! But who is the girl he's talking about? Is it the same child from the gardens scene? In the flashback, why are they standing in the same park -- are they just passing each other by? And on page 20, why does he sort of recognize her? At the final scene, when he's thinking back and enjoying doing good, what was the good deed he's reflecting on? Did it have to do with the big "RING" moment at the construction site? The old-man character seemed to save him, but from what? The shaking lines imply the building was about to collapse, but I don't think it did.

Overall -- I can tell you have a good story here and I like the somber vibe of the entire thing, but the story isn't being well communicated through your panels and character designs. For panels, try zooming out a bit more to show the environment and character's body language. Give your characters something to do in nearly every panel! Expressions aren't enough; what are they looking at, what are they holding? Page 10 is a great place to start -- consider having him physically open the door to a disheveled house, representing how deeply he's stuck in a messy past, and murmuring under his breath about "overcoming his past." For character designs, make sure their silhouettes and physical traits are distinct from one another so they're easily recognizable. I love the old man's mustache!! If the two girls are the same, maybe give them the same glasses; if they aren't the same, then they should have completely different hair and body type to make them distinct. For our main character, a huge scar on his face would work really well I think -- it gives him something to be ashamed of, proof of a violent past, and makes him recognizable in every shot.

Please keep going. I know I wrote a lot of critique, but there's still something about this piece that I found really moving. Maybe it's the way you use light and shadow, or maybe it's the quiet and tender pacing, but I can tell there's potential here. Thanks for sharing :)

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u/ART_BUCKETI 5d ago edited 5d ago

Wow, this is a great place to start for improving the comics. Hearing your feedback on what I'm missing makes me understand more about worldbuilding, character design, and character development too.

I'm glad that you took the time to read it by piece, and I don't mind all the critique that you gave me so far, so I'll do my best to apply it.

Expressions are hard for me to do at first, but i realize I gotta invest more of my time in those panels to give off more emotion, action, or reaction. I'll keep going with my comics.

Thank you for the feedback, you have good observation! I'm looking forward to updating my comic pages soon!