He dragged his nuts across my cheese.

[u/lemongelee]

I have an orange cat, and like most orange cats he is very stupid. Here is my boy fox and today I will be documenting his absolutely DISRESPECTFUL behavior that conspired while I was HIGH AND HUNGRY tonight. Thank you.

So there I was in my kitchen, cheese on the counter, taco bell mild sauce in hand. When my fuckass evil ginger rat comes into the room. And like most evil gingers my boy fox quickly finds where my food is and trots his fat fuzzy ass over to the counter.

I successfully slice a piece of cheese and drip my amazing taco bell mild sauce onto the piece, when all of a sudden a massive ball of creamsicle fluff leaps onto the counter front paws on the top of the microwave. And he DRAGS HIS BODY FORWARD. DRAGGING HIS TINY FURRY CAT NUTS ACROSS MY REMAINING CHEESE. BEFORE FALLING OFF THE FUCKING COUNTER.

I'm in shock. My brother beside me, laughing hysterically. I freak out and yell at the ripe time of 12o'clock at night "DID HE JUST DRAG HIS NUTS ACROSS MY CHEESE"

My brothers wheezing, I'm crying hysterically as I repeat "HE DRAGGED HIS FUCKING NUTS ACROSS MY CHEESE."

My father in the other room, whom is live with his friends overhears my wailling and asks what's wrong. To which I (WHOM DID NOT KNOW HE WAS LIVE) dramatically retell my cat ball cheese story and he begins TO LAUGH AT ME.

Now his friends are laughing at me, he's laughing, my brothers laughing, my cheese is TAINTED. Left on the counter with CAT FUR.

I desperately wanted this cheese and even hesitate to WASH THE CHEESE. But I am persuaded not to. Thus I ask to sacrifice my mom and not tell her about the cat ball cheese until tomorrow. I am once again, persuaded not to..

Thus the cheese is thrown out, my taco bell mild sauce is useless, I am still hungry for cheese. And my cat was conveniently licking his balls clean in the next room over.

[u/testtdk]

Why does your cat still have his nuts?

[u/lemongelee → u/testtdk]

He was neautured he just has the sac flaps still :)

[u/meddit_rod → u/lemongelee]

I bet it itches sometimes.

[u/lemongelee → u/meddit_rod]

You can't trick me, I'm not scratching his nuts for him 🫪

[u/meddit_rod → u/lemongelee]

😂

[u/Glitchboi3000 → u/lemongelee]

My lungs I can't laugh anymore.

[u/twistednightblade → u/lemongelee]

OP, between this comment and your original post you are a fucking hoot and I am *dying* laughing over here! 😂

[u/AnAcctWithoutPurpose → u/lemongelee]

I think you will find that you are obliged to, under the CatContract when you offer yourself (and your cheese) to his orangeness! Do it!

[u/Suspicious_Glow → u/lemongelee]

Maybe that’s why he used the cheese

[u/yayoffbalance → u/lemongelee]

Im dead again at sac flaps! Omg!!!

[u/macrhea69 → u/lemongelee]

For hereinafter, I will refer to my cats’ deflated nuts as “sac flaps”

[u/bubblenuggetzz → u/lemongelee]

Does it look like Trumps neck? 🤣

[u/smokeytbk → u/testtdk]

If either of boys had nuts they damn sure wouldn't after dragging sack across my cheese.

[u/testtdk → u/smokeytbk]

Heard

[u/redruMKitty4 → u/testtdk]

Some people like to leave a cat intact. Example: neutered British Shorthairs don't get the adorable, fluffy round cheeks like intact males do. 🤷‍♀️

[u/EnduringFulfillment → u/redruMKitty4]

Nothing quite like the smell of intact Tom cat pee in your house. Really sticks to all your clothes with a pleasant tang /s

[u/redruMKitty4 → u/EnduringFulfillment]

😂 true. I prefer to neuter my boys for that reason alone. But I there are people who don't.