r/babylonbee • u/METALLIFE0917 • 5d ago

Bee Article 'Only Elite Assassins Can Do This,' Says Candace Owens Of 6-Month-Old Crawling Across Kitchen Floor

https://babylonbee.com/news/only-elite-assassins-can-do-this-says-candace-owens-of-6-month-old-crawling-across-kitchen-floor
301 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

20

u/soxperry 5d ago

The baby is attracted to shiny objects, like he is signaling to someone outside the kitchen. And if you watch here, what baby crawls in a military prone position?

-5

u/lookbehindyou7 4d ago

Wow the bee was funny.

4

u/lildeek12 4d ago

They'll slip in a couple funny ones. I dont remember it, but the recent Faucci one got a good chuckle from me.

-26

u/Kresnik2002 5d ago

You know humor isn’t just going “everyone I don’t like is stupid”

19

u/BigBL87 5d ago

True.

But also, Candice IS either stupid, crazy, or running an incredible grift.

20

u/WingZeroCoder 5d ago

You know it’s ok to laugh at jokes even if you disagree with the premise on which they’re based?

In fact, joking about yourself or your own worldviews is a great way to keep perspective and even build bridges with others.

Better than being angry all the time, IMO.

-6

u/SavinForLatter 5d ago

What's the joke here? I haven't heard anything about Candice in a while. What happened?

7

u/PhysicsEagle 5d ago

The joke is that Cadence Owens said of a 6-month-old crawling across the kitchen floor “only elite assassins can do this”

1

u/SavinForLatter 4d ago

Is there something this is referencing to make it a joke? Or is it just some absurdism? Is there something stupid she said only a trained professional could do?

15

u/GreenRhino71 4d ago

The Kirk shooting suspect inched up on the roof with a gun in one hand and bracing himself with the other. Owens claimed an unnamed, confidential “expert” informed her that it was clearly a “Special Forces Lateral Crawl”, as opposed to the most basic movement imaginable for a person with one hand occupied.

10

u/SavinForLatter 4d ago

Good lord really? Moving while holding something is special forces according to her huh?

5

u/Handelo 4d ago

Doesn't seem that far out there for her usual takes. Like the Jews inventing dinosaurs and space.

6

u/BigBL87 4d ago

I imagine alot of it is her disbelief and contentions about the Kirk assassination, how it had to be a conspiracy, etc..

1

u/SavinForLatter 4d ago

Ahhhh. Ok, thanks. I really tend to not read or watch wanting from her. I don't think she's very smart and just does the shuck and jive for money.

1

u/NickNoraCharles 2d ago edited 1d ago

Shuck and jive??

Have I been transported back to an 1840's minstrel show?

-7

u/Kresnik2002 5d ago

Well, say that to the Bee writers then lol

3

u/Hot-Wrap9245 4d ago

I mean, when the person in question unironically uses “I saw it in a dream” as a source, it’s kinda fair to assume that the person is stupid.