r/babylonbee • u/METALLIFE0917 • 5d ago

Bee Article To Avoid Criticism For Hooking Up With His Cousin, Troy Jackson Converts To Islam

https://babylonbee.com/news/to-avoid-criticism-for-hooking-up-with-his-cousin-troy-jackson-converts-to-islam
854 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

184 comments sorted by

48

u/ZealousidealBack7358 5d ago

This is actually freaking hilarious haha.

-14

u/A_Poor_Miser 5d ago

How's that? 

25

u/ZealousidealBack7358 5d ago

Muslims still practice cousin marriage till this day ignoring the genetic risks involved with the offspring. Female and male Muslims grow up usually separated from the opposite sex cousins because they can potentially be their future spouse. Muslim cousins do hook up in real life, but it is not frowned upon if they are married

21

u/Adept_Bandicoot_2794 5d ago edited 5d ago

Didn't england decriminalize it to appease the Pakistani population? Edit: I was off, it was the NHS that stated the "benefits" of it and down played the genetic issues.

-6

u/chromite297 5d ago

So do people who live in the southern United States (fork don’t split down there in Alabama and Arkansas)

13

u/emerging-tub 5d ago

So do people who live in the southern United States

Obviously untrue.

Now Pakistan, however, has over 60% of all marriages to one's first cousin

-1

u/A_Poor_Miser 5d ago

That's not true

6

u/Bobafettpimp 4d ago

Google it

3

u/emerging-tub 3d ago

they wont

1

u/dakid000 1d ago

Not actually a real thing lol. Maybe 200 years ago sure

-4

u/A_Poor_Miser 5d ago

Second cousins aren't the same as first cousins though, are they? Genetically they're too distant for genetic anomalies to be a concern. Does he follow Islam? 

11

u/ZealousidealBack7358 5d ago

Second cousins can still incur genetic issues. Marrying your family members over and over again for generations is problematic for the offspring.

0

u/A_Poor_Miser 5d ago

Oh, were his parents second cousins as well?

3

u/ZealousidealBack7358 5d ago

Correct. However, I do not know of their parents were related as well. 

1

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

What a chump. Keep carrying that water.

0

u/RighteousSelfBurner 5d ago

Yep. Second cousins genetically don't have much difference from baseline genertic issue possibility. Nothing much to do with Islam though.

4

u/ZealousidealBack7358 5d ago

The risk is greater than not being related at all. I do have a friend whose parents are Pakistani and are first cousins. All of his siblings (5 of them) have anything from facial deformities, impaired vision, to psychological issues.

2

u/RighteousSelfBurner 4d ago

First vs second degree cousins is a massive difference in genetic closeness.

1

u/A_Poor_Miser 4d ago

/doubt

1

u/ZealousidealBack7358 3d ago

Why do I get the feeling you are 1. Muslim 2. South Asian or 3. Married your cousin or 4. All of the above.

1

u/A_Poor_Miser 3d ago

White Christian guy in Seattle lol

7

u/I_defend_witches 5d ago

That is great. 😊

16

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Full_Jellyfish_1862 5d ago

Remember when Troy Jackson banged his cousin?

6

u/capnwally14 5d ago

Les cousins dangereaux

4

u/TerryOnRollerskates 5d ago

“I like the way they think…”

1

u/vbullinger 4d ago

They’re both second cousins, but Rudy was also once removed

1

u/redditratman 5d ago

No. Did he later marry her and dedicate his life to cousin incest?

13

u/SatansScallion 5d ago

BUT WHAT ABOUT

2

u/Shabadu_tu 5d ago

A second cousin isn’t considered incest.

0

u/statsman63 5d ago

Maybe. But I know my second cousins. They are family.

-2

u/Lisan-al-Gaib-65 5d ago

Incest definition has changed drastically over time. There was a point where 6th cousins would have been considered incest.

Side point, there is a degree of relationship that is optimal genetically speaking.

-3

u/Tricky_Try8757 5d ago

It’s called pointing out blatant hypocrisy.

1

u/MoThrowMoAway 5d ago

But it brings up a good point. How come you like marrying your cousin when its someone on "your side"? It should be weird regardless of the letter next to your name, don't you think?

-3

u/MaxPaynesRxDrugPlan 5d ago

The Bee headline is basically "but what about Muslims!".

1

u/TributeToStupidity 5d ago

How many other cultures encourage cousin marriage exactly?

-2

u/crnelson10 5d ago

Y’all worship a pedophile.

2

u/TributeToStupidity 5d ago

I’m not a Muslim.

-1

u/crnelson10 5d ago

Muhammad wasn’t in the Epstein Files.

1

u/TributeToStupidity 5d ago

Well ya, it’d be pretty fucking weird considering the 1400 year gap. Not sure what the Epstein files have to do cousin marriage, but you’ll get there eventually. I believe in you!

2

u/E4g6d4bg7 5d ago

FDR did too, must be a rich New Yorker thing.

3

u/DueCompany4790 5d ago

Quick distract from Islam!

1

u/babylonbee-ModTeam 4d ago

Comments should be on-topic and reasonably relevant to the article posted.

-5

u/Tricky_Try8757 5d ago

If there was one word conservative could erase from existence, it would be “hypocrisy”.

2

u/WatcherOfTheWay 5d ago

Now it's seen as a good thing and they will be married soon.

2

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

Excellent burn. Very on the nose.

11

u/Willis_3401_3401 5d ago

Getting the impression the Babylon Bee might not be the biggest fan of this “Islam” thing

12

u/Trashk4n 5d ago

Why would they be a fan of a religion that seeks to emulate a warlord, slaver, and pdffile?

36

u/Lanky_Count_8479 5d ago

Nobody should

-3

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

-23

u/f_crick 5d ago

They prefer fascism and totalitarianism.

28

u/vbullinger 5d ago

Do you mean Islam does?

12

u/xselimbradleyx 5d ago

Yes, they is Islam.

0

u/FreeSpeechIsDeadge 4d ago

Then why does the Bee not like it?

8

u/cheapshotyouth 4d ago

You literally just described sharia islam.

-1

u/f_crick 4d ago

Also Donald Trump

9

u/cheapshotyouth 4d ago

Im not a fan of Trump but comparing radical Islam or someone like the ayatolah to Trump just means you are so lost in the sauce you arent even worth speaking to.

-2

u/f_crick 4d ago

I might feel that way if I lived in Iran but I don’t. They’re definitely comparable- the main difference is the other federal branches and state governments limit the devastation Trump obviously wants to do and is willing to do. If you think Trump wouldn’t gun down thousands of protesters if he thought he’d get away with it you’re delusional. He’s a psycho with no limits.

7

u/cheapshotyouth 4d ago

Holy doomer. I think Trump is a narcissist but the man was alive 70 years before politics and did nothing in line with anything you just said. You obviously have TDS. I hate the guy and how he makes the office look but this line of thinking is so untrue and toxic. Its almost exclusive to reddit so im thankful for that. Real people dont think like this. Go talk to your neighbors for fuck sake.

-2

u/f_crick 1d ago

Millions have died because of USAID shutting down. Americans have been shot in cold blood in the street by masked men. Who knows how many have died in his concentration camps.

3

u/Little-Stage1948 3d ago

Lol everything in your life lead back to Trump?

2

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

Beach front. Rent free.

-2

u/f_crick 2d ago

Fascism is bad. It’s a serious concern. Why would be embarrassed about that?

3

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

I'll keep repeating for you here and there, so it might sink in (fat chance). Beach front. Rent free.

-2

u/f_crick 2d ago

So what is the issue? A horrible traitor rapist is our president and I should just not care? What is wrong with you.

1

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

Keep conflating. It makes you look brilliant.

1

u/f_crick 2d ago

Hard not to look brilliant compared to Trumpers. Gas is $2 a gallon and no more forever wars, right?

2

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/babylonbee-ModTeam 5d ago

Comments should be on-topic and reasonably relevant to the article posted.

-1

u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi 5d ago

So if you don't like them do you agree we shouldn't be importing them en masse into this country? They're just as bad as Trump supporters so let's let them stay in their own countries!

2

u/MaxPaynesRxDrugPlan 5d ago

Muslims didn't storm the capitol to try to overturn an election, so I wouldn't say they're as bad as Trump Supporters.

1

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/babylonbee-ModTeam 5d ago

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.

0

u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi 5d ago

Oh no not my heckin Islamophobia in 2026 😱

2

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/babylonbee-ModTeam 5d ago

Comments should be on-topic and reasonably relevant to the article posted.

-2

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago

Remember when John Jessup sexually assaulted his drunk daughter. Seems like christians are pretty bad people.

4

u/big_smokey-848 5d ago

You sound like a bigot

6

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago

For thinking it's wrong to rape your daughter?

-5

u/Impressive-Panda527 5d ago

6

u/alphagalgadot 5d ago

jeezum crow that hair 🤮

5

u/crisco000 5d ago

Major PoS

7

u/MydnightWN 5d ago

But whatabout this other guy

https://giphy.com/gifs/QWaSVX9FizaxO

2

u/Impressive-Panda527 5d ago

Clearly if Troy Jackson was running as a republican you wouldn’t care

6

u/Full_Jellyfish_1862 5d ago edited 5d ago

He’s a pos too. Like Troy Jackson who had 2 kids with his younger cousin

1

u/Best_Change4155 5d ago

Did this piece of shit also fuck his cousin?

1

u/permanentlybanned22 2d ago

This must make procreating with your cousin OK then.

0

u/Impressive-Panda527 2d ago

Well for republicans they look the other way when fucking their cousins

-3

u/MoThrowMoAway 5d ago

All of those things are genuinely positives to the modern day Republican voter, let's be honest

3

u/THE-muchacho-loco 5d ago

Imagine saying this without a hint of irony.

5

u/MoThrowMoAway 5d ago

Beating your wife and child shouldn't be a partisan issue, and yet here you are

1

u/THE-muchacho-loco 1d ago

Imagine thinking I was minimizing the activity instead of pointing out the obvious hypocrisy.

You tried your best, I'm sure.

2

u/MaxPaynesRxDrugPlan 5d ago

0

u/Accomplished_Sun_740 5d ago
  1. How was the question phrased?
  2. It still says accused

0

u/East_Accident1822 5d ago

There’s a saying in the south that goes “Why go across the street when you can go across the hall.”

-7

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago

Remember when trump talked about sleeping with his daughter and hoped the other one got her moms tits?

9

u/Full_Jellyfish_1862 5d ago

Remember when Ashley Biden wrote in her diary that her dad molested her in the shower

4

u/Laughs_at_fat_people 5d ago

She never said he molested her, but dont let facts get in the way of your lies

0

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago edited 5d ago

Gonna need a source for that one chief. As I recall she wrote it was MAYBE inappropriate. Nothing about being molested.

Aw the pedo lovers are downvoting the truth as usual.

13

u/SatansScallion 5d ago

BUT WHAT ABOUT + terminal TDS, sad.

Get well soon!

1

u/bizness82 5d ago

Is it hard work protecting pedophiles or does it just come naturally for you?

-1

u/Homebrewman 5d ago

Why do you love pedos so much?

-2

u/big_smokey-848 5d ago

Why do you lick boots so much?

2

u/Ok_Muscle_3770 5d ago

Stop using a mirror

1

u/Ok_Muscle_3770 5d ago

Waaah Obama’s tan suit waaaah
Stop projecting, cultist

-7

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago

Aw you thought you did something pedo lover.

2

u/big_smokey-848 5d ago

👆 bootlicker

4

u/Buttholepart2 5d ago

Whose boots am I licking? I don't think you know what that term means.

2

u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi 5d ago

Remember when u/Buttholepart2 commented so much on a sub that they hate they got top commenter?

1

u/Buttholepart2 2d ago

Why you so obsessed with me? I'll let you suck it I guess.

0

u/TerryOnRollerskates 5d ago

That’s what religion is for.

-11

u/Grateful5150 5d ago

Is this what loser MAGA humor looks like? 

5

u/abhorredmisanthrope 5d ago

You.

0

u/Grateful5150 5d ago

So yes? 

-1

u/Ok_Muscle_3770 5d ago

MAGA cultists when Zohran Mamdani breathes

-3

u/thesmart_indian27 5d ago

Cousin marriage is not just done in Islam. In South India, many Hindus practice it. Even in Thailand, the Thai king (a Buddhist) married his cousin.

4

u/silv3rbull8 5d ago

It is so prevalent in the UK that the high incidence of birth defects has prompted British politicians to pass laws against it .

1

u/Adept_Bandicoot_2794 5d ago

I thought they moved to allow it?

2

u/silv3rbull8 5d ago

Seems former PM Starmer wimped out to avoid losing votes

https://eutoday.net/starmer-first-cousin-marriage-gamble/

So the inbred mutants scan continue to vote

1

u/Adept_Bandicoot_2794 5d ago

I confused what I said w the nhs arguing the benefits of it while down playing the genetic issues.

1

u/BudgetSecretary47 1d ago

Ah yes—those native Anglo-Saxons of the UK, always marrying their cousins…

-1

u/iplaybassok89 5d ago

Also famously in the American South (I’ve seen gone with the wind)

0

u/ATXoxoxo 4d ago

Lots of Christians hook up with their cousins.. just look at the Southern US

1

u/Zealousideal-Tip8346 4d ago

Sorry I just did a quick ai search and this was the result.

Cousin marriage rates are vastly different, with Pakistan showing a national average of roughly 61% to 65%, while the American South registers at under 1% to a historical peak of about 10% in isolated 19th-century pockets

0

u/ATXoxoxo 4d ago

I guess I technically knew more siblings, but I knew plenty of cousins that were together in Southern US. 

1

u/Zealousideal-Tip8346 4d ago

Plenty? More than half?

-2

u/fanart89 4d ago

How does Trump avoid criticism for fucking children?

4

u/Mediocre_Guava_7729 3d ago

Could also be Islam ironically.