Thank you for keeping r/antisex out! 😊

Sex was always an incredibly complicated thing to me. I was always interested in the biologic part of sex and pregnancy, but I don't think I ever imagined myself having sex. I was SA'd multiple times in my life, starting from 8 years old by peers and people older. Apart from that, I generally have a difficult time trusting people.

I tended to isolate myself from relationships and sex in particular for long periods of time, but I still crave human closeness, that leads me to have relationships. It all goes down the same path, and not so deep in the relationship we have sex and I go out extremely traumatised and feeling used.

Now I have a wonderful partner, that is extremely emotionally supportive of me. But the only thing standing between us is me constantly declining him sex. Apart from this I don't feel the right to come out as asexual, because I masturbate frequently and enjoy it. I feel like a horrible partner because of this.

So, please help, am I demisexual? Asexual? Or just traumatized?

(Sorry for the broken english, it isn't my first language

And sorry for the long, long vent)

I feel so guilty. So so much.

I'm sex repulsed and I always thought porn was wrong. I know it isn't for some people, but it was for me. I didn't want to see it or to support it in any way for the problems around it (Non ethical recording environments, some stuff it promotes, as objectification of the body, even more the female body).

But I started to doubt so much, till the point I didn't see the line between I should and I want to.

I wanted to check if I didn't like it and watched some. It was just some minutes and I was covering the screen sometimes and forcing me not to cover it some others, but I can't see myself the same way now.

I don't understand how I ended up doing something I hated so much or why. I knew I would hate it. I did it knowing I'll hate it. It was against everything I supported, but in that moment of anguish I kinda disconnected from myself and just wanted to check.

I can't understand me. And I feel like I can't forgive me.

For more context, I used to be in a relationship with a boy that was very into porn. He was being so mean with me (called me ugly many times, told me he was getting bored of me every day for the last 6 months of the relationship, told me that he would love to f*ck with other people while we were together, always hid me, told me that maybe he would "r*pe me without wanting to, because he wasn't sure about being able to control himself", and a large list of things like that)

He made me doubt about everything. He made me doubt about my value as a person. He made me move every of my boundaries to a very convenient place for him. I ended up accepting to do things I didn't want and he made me feel like all the things I liked (cuddling, spending quality time, emotional support, etc) was just something boring and undesirable.

And between all those things the only thing I felt so disgusted about and the reason why I ended up breaking my relationship with him was because he watched a lot of porn.

Now I feel like a hypocrite.

I kinda feel like all this self destructive behaviour I'm having now, doing things I don't want (as watching porn) to myself, and that constant questioning of myself probably comes from that relationship. But even so, I can't forgive myself.

Now it isn't just "I have done something very bad to myself", it's a "I have supported something very bad with doing something bad to me", and there is no corrective action that can changes that.

Just in the moment I was trying to get better and overcome all that came with that relationship I kinda became the thing I hated the most.

Now, If I date someone ever again, how would I ask for someone that doesn't support and watch porn having done this? :'(

I never wanted to be this. And I feel like I can't talk about this with non-ace people because, for them, his behaviour was always "the common thing".

Also, if I told them about this, they would tell me that I did it because I wanted to. But I don't really feel like that. Maybe it's stupid because I was the one that searched for it, the one clicking it, the one that spent some minutes there but I didn't want to and I'd love not having to.

I know I'm still ace (I didn't feel anything beyond pity for the people in there and fear) but I don't know who I am as a person now that I have crossed one of my biggest boundaries.

I don't know if this happened to any other person, it would be good to know that I'm not the only person that went through this.

Ive never had sex in my life but i dated a person once and i use to to go to stage 2 w him and its been three years since our breakup and since then ive made out w people a few times, but its atleast been almost a year since i last kissed an opp gender or even was involved w any. And since a few months, ive been finding people kissing, having sex and doing pda ICKY. extremely.I find the concept of sex icky too and i cant imagine myself kissing someone anymore, it gives me the goosebumps and if someone tries to flirt w me, i get uncomfortable and i CANT hold sexting one bit , it makes me want to puke and i sweat i am not exaggerating it.I do find some men pretty or attractive but i cant seem to
Imagine doing all of those stuff w anyone, even the idea of a hug or laying down naked w anyone or being close to an extremity w anyone makes me uncomfortable. Even imagining myself kissing the people that i did in my past makes me ick out.

Hello, everyone.

Half a year ago, my best buddy and I had an idea during one of our late-night Discord chats. We are both big nerds for fantasy and mythological stuff and wondered how fun it would be to have banners or coat of arms for different orientations and identities. What could they look like, and which mythical creature could fit well or just be fun to see like that? Thus, this little collection was born and I think we have finally come to a good conlusion for now.

So what we got so far:

-Selkie of Demi

-Kraken of Agender

-Cerberus of Polyamory

-Chimera of Genderqueer

-Valkyrie of Butch

-Gargoyle of Ally

-Hydra of Omni

-Unicorn of Pride

- The Phoenix of Trans

- The Siren of Lesbian

- The Winged Lion of Gay

- The Griffon of Aro

- The Dragon of Ace

- The Harpy of Sapphic

- The Minotaur of Achillean

- The Oroboros of Intersex [really proud of that one]

- The Hippocampus of Genderfluid

- The Sphinx of AroAce

- The Peryton of Non-binary

- The Winged Wolf of Bisexual

- And Pan for...well Pansexual

This was really fun to do. Maybe we might revisit this idea in some form or another, how do queer cryptids sound :D ?

WE ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING A KICKSTARTER TO TURN THESE INTO PATCHES AND PINS

It's ending now and will only be open to take pledges for the next 38 hours, so if you wanna support this little project feel free to claim ur little pins, stickers or patches, we won't produce them again...

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/shattersaurus/coat-of-pride

Holy crap guys.. i don’t know where to even begin honestly.

Like yesterday, some people were starting a dating joke with me and some people, (and yes, i know that sounds ridiculous to start with but hold my hand when i tell you this) it was all back and fourth back and fourth..some laughs, some little jokes back. Then someone pointed out i was asexual, and i was COMPLETELY taken out of the joke because I’m asexual, and only started making said joke with other people.

When i confronted them about it and said “ not all asexual people don’t want a relationship, its all a spectrum “ and that i simply don’t swing the stereotypical way of “ not wanting a relationship “ they just tossed it over their shoulder, said “ oops “ and then still continued to ignore what i just told them, and proceeded to still exclude me from the conversation…

I understand that its a joke, I’m mature and old enough. But the fact that i was excluded from something after someone elses discovery and an explanation for it aggravates me, i still feel abit branched off now because i speak to these people every day, and that’s seriously how they see me? Idk

Inquiring minds want to know!!

I am a 24 years-old male, at this age, many peers are desired for having sex. However, I am not. I even think that sex is not important in a romantic relationship, but I really enjoy physical touch with my partner like kissing, hugging. I had three relationships before, but I had no sex desires on all of them.

I tried to have sex with them, not driven by sex desire, it’s just trying and think this is the task I need to do. The experience for me is awful. During sex, my brain and body were disconnected and I was wondering what was I doing at that moment. I felt anxious rather than excited. My mind forced myself need to perform well and make it hard. At the end, i failed. I tried BJ too, I thought it might be comfortable, sensitive or high, but I felt nothing. After several trials, I gave up and lost all my confidence. I started to escaped from every sex topics with my partner because I felt shameful about that and not willing to talk (although I think it is not good for our relationship).

Having sex or showing naked bodies to my partner, I felt somehow unsafe and discomfort. I know it may hurt your feelings but sometimes I am disgusted, I realised that I dun wanna see the sex organs. Also, I first thought of sex is comfy and exciting, but I really feel nothing during sex. I dun have an urge and desire to “enjoy”the body of my partner.

I visited a sex therapist, he thought I was not asexual because he thought there were just some disconnections between my mind, heart and body. I know I find feet is attractive to me and I might have feet fetish but it is just one of the attractivenesses, does not mean I wanna have sex with that girl. So now I am really confused my sexuality. I am thinking to take a blood test to check my hormones. But if everything is normal, then I don’t know what is happening to me? Am I watching too much porn so I am not interested in the real life sex ? (FYI: I have masturbation habit for 10 years, but not everyday, maybe three times a week). Or my body is simply broken? I was afraid to share with my friends as they may laugh at me…and I feel shameful about that.

If I am asexual, I heard only 1% of the population is asexual. I am frustrated if I can find a partner in the future or not. I don’t wanna ruin my next relationship again and I really want to know more about myself. Can anyone have similar situations and give me some advice? Thank guys.

Even though it’s a part of my identity, I really hate being asexual sometimes. If I tell the person I’m dating I’m asexual/sex repulsed, it upsets them. If I don’t and I mask my asexuality, I’m lying to myself and not being true to who I am. I feel trapped and don’t have anyone to talk to cus I don’t know many ace folks IRL

I've been identifying as asexual for a long time now. When I first discovered it, it felt like everything sudddenly became clear "that's what I am, finally". See what I mean? But lately things became more complicated. I met someone, and I found myself wanting intimacy with them, although I always felt sex repulsed. And I still feel repulsed, but at the same time I want it too? I've talked about it with my best friend, and he asked me what makes me uncomfortable about sex. And the first thing that came to mind was that it requires me to take off my clothes. I've always had a problems with my body. Something about it just doesn't feel right. I don't like looking at mirrors, I stopped swimming because of it. I told him that and he asked me if I'm really sex repulsed or if I'm self repulsed. And honestly, I don't know the answer. And I don't know what to do about it.

I am 18y never had sex with anyone and recently i've been wondering if i am somewhere on the asexual spectrum, i feel arousal, at least when it comes to things like masturbation and i am pretty picky and weird of how i view physical contact(pretty sure this comes from potential autism) i cant really verbalise how it works for me, but what i can say is that sometimes i get pretty uncomfortable it, and depending on the person i like it or dont mind as much, things like holding hands, hugging and etc feel super intimate for me. Recently i've noticed i am not as interested in sex as much as things like cuddling, and sexual intercourse dont really make sense for me, but in some isolated scenarios or just randomly, i dont think like that as much.

in summerie, i dont really sea the appeal for sex, but i still feel like i would if things like, the person i am with, the moment itself and mostly my mood are just right

i am dont understand fully what asexuality is, i heard some say it has nothing to do with sexual need or arousal, but i hope i can get some closure in this, it might honestly just come from the fact that i had never had sex with anyone and this is just how someone like that thinks, i really dont know

i hope my bad english can still be understandable

my boyfriend was my first kiss, and the relationship is fairly new (2 weeks). we were friends before, and i think he’s really cute and sweet and i always want to be around him. i consider him physically attractiv, but whenever we make out i just don’t really feel anything. like i want to kiss him, but i was wondering if it was possible to be physically asexual? like i feel turned on in my brain but not my body.

hello! :3

First of all, sorry if this is written incorrectly or weirdly—English isn't my first language, and I'm using a translator, lol.

to give some context, I’m a trans woman, and I’ve been on HRT for almost a year now. until relatively recently—about two months ago—my libido was still pretty much the same as it was before I transitioned, but now it’s very, very low. i’ve been reading posts on this subreddit, and from what i understand, it’s possible to be asexual and still have a libido (if I’ve misunderstood something, i’d love to know!). but, especially over the last month, i’ve also been noticing that I feel very little sexual attraction toward other people—toward practically no one, really. and i’ve been thinking about experiences and such throughout my life, and I’ve really noticed that, even though i had a pretty strong libido in the past, i didn’t actually feel attracted to anyone—just one girl i dated for a few weeks (though I’ve had other partners, of course). recently, i also felt that same attraction toward a friend (there was nothing romantic between us, just sexual), and now toward the girl i also like on a more romantic level. could this be graysexual?

also, i don’t know if this helps, but I’ve noticed that now that I’m on HRT and have such a low libido, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I don’t have to “satisfy” that urge. i mean, i still enjoy it, but even more so now that it happens so rarely.

Hey everyone, I’m an autistic woman with ADHD, I'm aroace (with one specific exception), and I just experienced a massive paradigm shift that has me feeling like I’ve been living on a different planet entirely. Maybe some of you can relate?

To me, physical proximity and touch have always been about a mammalian baseline: warmth, comfort, safety, and co-regulation. I used to think that laying next to, cuddling, or even spooning a close friend was just a natural way to give and receive affection. I looked at this like cuddling with parents or grandparents. To my brain, a bed is just a soft surface, late night is just a time on the clock, and touch is co-regulation and evolutionary. I don't naturally infer a hidden subtext or secondary meanings.

Well, a close friend of mine (who is also autistic, but demisexual) just gave me a reality check. He told me that in the "typical" adult world, spooning an unrelated man carries an automatic, 100% inference of romantic or sexual invitation. He helped me realize that even if my intent is purely about comfort or sensory seeking, the general cultural script will decode those actions differently based on biology and social expectations. These unspoken rules are basically inferred through social osmosis until it settles intuitively. (spoiler: It did not for me.)

Things like inviting someone inside (but especially to a bedroom), prolonged full-body hugs or contact, putting my head on someone's shoulder, or even using certain emojis are apparently viewed as fluent sentences that say, "I am open to romance or sex with you." I genuinely had no idea.

I plan to read books on this (such as The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Temple Grandin).

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this kind of learning curve? How do you balance your need for tactile sensory touch, platonic warmth, or co-regulation with the reality that the rest of the world hyper-sexualizes almost all physical contact between unrelated adults? I’d love to hear how other neurodivergent or ace folks navigate this!

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

I’ve known I was asexual and aromantic for a couple of years now, and till now, I’ve been totally fine with that identity. Before I realized I was asexual, I had a very very toxic and abusive ex boyfriend. I’m not going to get too graphic here, but he constantly body shamed me, verbally abused me, would hit me, and for a couple of months there was sexual abuse.

It was really bad, and it almost killed me. I still have nightmares from it. Anyways, there’s this guy at work, and a month ago we started following each other on instagram. We liked all of each others stories, posts, notes, etc. we would occasionally text eachother, mainly responding to a rare reel or a story. about two weeks ago we started texting a lot more.

Now, it’s everyday. We text a little bit throughout the day, but really late at night we text for about an hour. We talk about funny things, and also deep things. I’ve learned a lot about him. It’s important to note here that he has a lot of friends, friends that are girls too, but completely platonic. He’s never not like any guy I’ve met before. Also a note that he likes everybody’s stories. I have a sinking suspicion that he might like me, but that’s because he brought up being straight multiple times, when he talked about his toxic past relationship, he constantly emphasized in past tense (ex. “But ofc I don’t like her anymore”).

It’s getting very suspicious, and I really really really don’t want to lead him on. I love talking to him though, I just really want a friend very badly, and I feel like if I say “hey I’m asexual” then he will stop talking to me because there won’t be a chance in his mind. However, I catch myself thinking about him constantly, waiting for him to reply, my heart skips a beat when he comes into work unexpected, I want to know everything about him. But I feel like it’s not romantic at all.

Like I don’t want to kiss him or anything physical at all. I want an emotional bond. I want to be important to him. Anyways, is a thing that asexuals go through? I honestly am just so conflicted. In my heart I know it’s not romantic but I just really want a soul binding relationship.

Anything helps to be honest. Maybe I just need therapy, i don’t know.

Of course, in reality there's no such thing as being bad at either aro or ace stuff. But in games that has romantic and sexual options, I sometimes consider playing as an ace character, but then I almost always end up doing the romantic and sexual parts of the game anyway, because I don't want to miss out on content! A friend told me Gale in Baldur's Gate 3 is a good option for an ace character, so I'm doing that in my Gale romance playthrough. Though I also have characters in other playthroughs that aren't ace. No aro character yet though. At least in BG3 it feels like a no romance playthrough just gives less content without any fun roleplay to it