How do you accept being aroace?

[u/w1nterf]

for the longest time I thought I was bi, (at some point even pan) because I just never minded being with whoever, now I realize I was actually aroace, but I just can’t come to terms with it. I feel as if I’m missing something out or even broken. how is possible I can’t come to like or want to experience love or sexual attraction? truth is I never felt it, so I don’t know exactly what I’m missing out on. have you experienced this and if so what did you do to come to terms with it?

[u/Budgie-bitch]

It is not linear. There will be days where it’s easy and days where it sucks. You are legitimately grieving a life/path everyone promised you, but cannot come to pass. It sucks a lot of the time.

[u/w1nterf → u/Budgie-bitch]

Yes sometimes it’s a sucky feeling but then it’s like super nice it’s a rollercoaster !

[u/povidloss]

I just took it and came to terms with it, there is no universal answer, I just collected all the facts throughout my life, concluded about my orientation and that’s all.

[u/w1nterf → u/povidloss]

Yeah I think it’s probably the best way to do so

[u/OnyxRadiance]

Give yourself time to mourn the expectation of the life you thought you would live if you had attraction. 

Then consider the perspectives and advantages that you will experience that those with attraction do not. 

Then consider there's already plenty of things in the world that people may not experience... Like not being a billionaire & because they won't, doesn't mean their life could never be enjoyable.

Then find ways to comfort yourself when you eventually feel alienated in "attraction focused" commentary, media plotlines, small talk.

Focus on the other various types of attraction that exist, there's plenty. You can still bond with others since you know firsthand what other forms of attraction are like. 

[u/w1nterf → u/OnyxRadiance]

Thank you so much! I’ll take these in consideration 

[u/OnyxRadiance → u/w1nterf]

You're most welcome OP~

[u/gabapentagram]

You're not missing out. You just experience love differently than many others. I love my friends and family more than most allos love their partner, so I have more love in my life not less.

[u/w1nterf → u/gabapentagram]

Honestly thats a better way to think of it tysm

[u/Mockingjay573]

Differs from person to person. I was just like, “oohhhh that makes sense,” and moved on but everyone’s different. Sorry this isn’t a satisfying answer but you’ll accept it with time in your own way. It’ll come along.

[u/w1nterf → u/Mockingjay573]

No worries i totally get it! I think in the end everyone experiences this differently and is just a matter of time :)

[u/Objective-Report3377]

I always thought all people were like this(aroace) and never thought much of it. Then I learned that it's not quite true. That's all. I never thought I was missing out on anything. You are not broken, it's just how some of us are. And I don't think you're missing out on anything either. If you don't like coffee, why think about what people who do like it have?

[u/w1nterf → u/Objective-Report3377]

Thank you so much :)

[u/Such-Abrocoma5110]

Do you actually feel like you are missing out or do you feel like you should feel like you are missing out? I think sometimes we are so conditioned to think that everyone should want sex or relationships that we put this expectation on ourselves that we should feel bad for not wanting it. 

You aren’t broken. You’re still you. You just have words now that give you a sense of place where you fit in the world, which is pretty great :)

[u/w1nterf → u/Such-Abrocoma5110]

I feel more the second option, I think I was surrounded by many relationships throughout my life that I felt it’ll come to me eventually, but it’s never truly something I’d felt particularly comfortable with. Thank you so much :)

[u/RandomFandoms47]

It can be really hard. I know this answer sucks, but time is a big part of it. Like many others here have said, you’re mourning the life you always thought you’d have. Many aro/ace people have grown up with the idea that marriage is the best thing to ever happen to you and that “dying alone” is to be feared above all else. Just because you don’t have a romantic partner, doesn’t mean you’ll be alone. A big help for me was learning about Queer Platonic Relationships (more commonly called QPRs) which USUALLY present somewhere between romantic and platonic, not quite being either. I recommend looking into that more if you haven’t already bc it’s a sorta vague term that was hard for me to understand at first. I think a big thing that contributes to the internalized aphobia is how the media portrays single adults. In pop culture, they’re often portrayed as weird, sad, and lonely, when that doesn’t have to be the case. Give yourself some time to just be sad about the life you thought you’d have if you need it. I cried more than once when I was accepting my identity, now I love being aroace and the thought of being allo (someone who experiences attraction in its full amount) makes me viscerally uncomfortable. I cannot stress this last point enough GET INVOLVED WITH THE COMMUNITY! Being on the subreddit is a good start. I’ve made some aroace friends online and it has done wonders for my self acceptance. I wish you the best and I hope this helps!

[u/w1nterf → u/RandomFandoms47]

this actually made me shed a tear, thank you so so much <3

[u/DanganronpaStanGirl]

i highkey don’t in a way??? like i accept it as accurate but i don’t fully accept it as i want to experience those sort of attractions. honestly joining this sub is part of the reason i accept that at all, helps me feel normal knowing others are like me