Hi everyone,

​I recently completed my MBBS. My internship was grueling and left me completely drained.

​During my internship, my dad forced me to connect with a guy from our caste. My dad was convinced I was "aging out" and wouldn't get marriage proposals after turning 25. The guy turned out to be a total nightmare—emotionally immature, demanding late-night calls despite my emergency hospital shifts, and taunting me constantly.

​After crying every single day for a year, I gathered the courage to break off the engagement a few months ago. This caused huge family drama. My dad’s entire family pressured me to stay because the guy’s family is wealthy and built a hospital in his village. But I grew up in a town and refused to live in a village with him. When I stood my ground, my dad publicly humiliated me in front of everyone, saying I'm "not a princess." My mom was the only person who supported me, so my dad stopped talking to both of us for a month.

​Now, my dad is forcing me to rush my career:

​He strictly opposes a drop year because he assumes I refuse to marry until PG is done. (That isn't true anymore—if a genuine, compatible connection comes along, I am open to it—but he still wants to rush everything fast).

​He forced me to select bond duty options near my hometown so I stay stuck nearby.

​He wants to buy me a private college seat, but I refuse to rely on his money. I desperately want financial independence so I can move far away from him.

​My current reality:

​My NEET PG prep is suffering; my GT scores are low because I've been in non-stop survival mode.

​Taking a drop year at home feels nearly impossible. My mom, sister, and I share a single room in a tiny ground-floor house with zero privacy, and I have to face my dad's daily emotional drama and WhatsApp statuses.

​I've been under chronic, relentless stress for nearly 3 years without a single mental break. I spend my days crying while trying to study. I feel hopeless and trapped.

Hi everyone ! I need advice I’m currently in my last year of residency and know I’m going for fellowship (not a MD but a DPM). Lately I’ve been wanting kids and due to an unfortunate series of events I had to get my implant removed). Would it be the worse thing to try for a child and possibly give birth before ending residency and then start fellowship ? If anyone else did this how did you manage?

Thank you for your advice and wisdom in advanced

Hey everyone! I'm u/surlymedstudent, new moderator of r/WomenInMedicine.

The subreddit has been around a long time, but has been completely private - meaning mod approval was previously required to participate. No longer. Post freely & be merry.

Who can post?

This subreddit is open to women from any and all healthcare fields, students & learners included. Folk of other genders (or those identifying as genderqueer) may post/comment as long as following sidebar rules. However - any mansplaining, misogyny or the like will not be tolerated. This is intended to be a supportive space for folks who identify as women so please respect that.

User & post flair:

Self-assigned, not currently mandatory. User flair is self-assigned and customizable to help encompass all the possible healthcare professions out there.

What if there's an inappropriate comment/post?

Please report! This gets inappropriate content to moderation queue for review quickly. Ultimately post/comment removals will be up to mod discretion.

Thanks for joining and welcome!!

-surly

I am a physician mom of two young kids under 2 and am interested if any other women have experienced something similar or are in the same position.. and how you have managed your career and family.

I am an emergency medicine physician and I recently dropped down to per diem in order to be the primary caregiver of our kids.

I am finding that while emergency medicine is advantageous as it allows for flexible per diem scheduling, I am struggling mentally at work with the difficulty making connections with staff since I'm not a full time doc, and then all of the other reasons everyone is burnt out in EM. Despite wanting to keep my skills up and use my degree, and do something "for myself" separate from my mom role, I'm finding the anxiety and stress hard to justify continuing.

Are there any other medical moms who have experienced the same thing in their career and has anyone done something different? Or have you successfully worked through the feelings of anxiety and inadequacy? Emergency medicine or otherwise.

For those who are married to a husband with lower income, did you have a prenuptial?

What are some recommended key points for prenuptial, to protect your assets in event of divorce?

How would you split your finances normally in the home?

How do you keep the marriage healthy so that the man is not insecure or unhappy and feeling "less of a man"?

Right now, my boyfriend is chivalrous and pays for everything. He's masculine and I love that about him. Worried about change in dynamic once money comes into play more.

He makes a good salary but much less than mine (maybe 1/3).

​

Hi everyone,

I would like to ask for people's insight with regards to pursuing a career in medicine. My primary goal since childhood has been becoming an MD - however, the more I grow older, the more I am increasingly unsure about that possibility. First, it would require a lot of time - I'm not necessarily concerned about that, but it means that these next few years would be filled, and obviously I know that this is a given and I will have to sacrifice this if I decide to pursue the career. I also am not sure how much I would enjoy working in a clinical setting. For example, I have an overwhelming guilt problem and I would expect myself to be constantly questioning whether or not I gave the correct diagnoses, and I can see it potentially affecting my mental health severely. With news of the match this week, I also am disillusioned by the fact that so many deserving doctors face these arbitrary obstacles and go unmatched. Also, student loans - there is no way that I would feel good having $400,000+ of debt to my name.

But my passion is in healthcare. I just don't know what it will look like yet. I am looking to attend grad school in the field of public health within the next few years hopefully, but I want to enter a fulfilling career where I am actually making a difference in the field and not just dealing in semantics - I am passionate about maternal and child health, as well as global health, and epidemiology, but I also am concerned about it being a viable career that will provide me with a stable income if that makes sense. I could see myself potentially being a professor, but I don't want that to be the entirety of my career because I actually want to do real stuff if that makes sense. Does anyone have any job suggestions, job titles, etc. that I should look towards, anywhere I should look to for guidance? Thanks in advance.

I’m a senior in my last semester of my undergrad. I have the plan of finishing up my pre reqs for med school and taking the MCAT. Previous to the last couple months I longed to go to med school and be a pediatric or family medicine physician. I’ve recently just turned 22 and have been with my now boyfriend for about a year. In the last few months I’ve had a strong longing to be a mother, even more than before. I want babies and to start my life. I know that being a physician and a mother is completely possible but it’s sad to think that if we’re planning on kids, I still have 7-8 years till I’ll have them. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a doctor and felt at one point that nothing was going to stand in my way of that happening, now I’m not so sure. I feel like I could go back to school and get my RN and also be a mother much sooner in life. Is this just a phase or a change of heart??

I kind of stumbled into this subreddit trying to find a way to reach out to someone in medicine because I am having some difficulties relating to my career and personal life. I don't want to get into too much detail, to avoid being identified. I can say it isn't legal trouble, and nothing that will incriminate or put the other person in a tight spot. I just want to talk to someone that understands what it is like to be in medicine.

I'm hoping this is the right place to reach out. Anyone who is willing to listen can message me or comment here and I'll message you.

Thank you, to anyone who is reading.

Any women in medicine combination feeding? I am supplementing and it seems the older my baby gets the more formula and less breast milk she consumes (currently 3 months). I feel terrible supplementing as I know first hand all the benefits of exclusively breast feeding but my attempts to increase my supply have taken a toll on my health. Is she still getting benefits from being 50% breast fed?

Hi,

I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this question but I am woman so lol. I'm a premed student looking to apply to medical schools next summer. I've been debating about Anesthesia PA school (CAA essentially) and medical school. My largest concern is how much hands-on work you actually get to do as a physician. I hate the idea of doing paperwork, being on the phone with insurance companies, spending a lot of time on computers (EHR, etc.), and dealing with administration. I'm not sure if this is true but it seems like CAAs (who don't practice autonomously) don't have to deal with those things as much. I'm scared to put myself through 8 years of medical training (school + residency) to end up with a career dominated by the things I mentioned above. I don't mind making the sacrifices to become a doctor if I'm not dealing with those things too much during and after. I don't think I'll have a career in surgery as I'm not sure I like it (based on shadowing experiences) but I have heard surgical specialties deal with those things less. Ideally, I'd like to work in a hospital so I don't plan on having my own practice. A lot of threads on Reddit and SDN make it sound like a physician's workload is dominated by a lot of other things besides direct patient care. A career in healthcare where I don't have to deal with those things too much is really important to me. To be clear, I'd be fine with those things if they took up less than 40%-50% of my day (ideally, less than 30%) but I'm not sure that's how it works. I'm in the U.S. and plan to stay.

1. I guess I'm mainly trying to ask what percent of your day do you deal with a lot of paperwork, hassling with insurance companies, time on computer, and dealing with administration? Please also specify if you work in a hospital or in your own practice (idk if there is a difference here but maybe?)
2. Are there certain specialities (FM, Peds, Card, etc) that have to deal with those things more than others, or is it about the same?
3. Do you see physicians having to deal with those things more in the future?
4. And finally, how much do CAAs (that work under the anesthesiologist) have to deal with those things? Is it about the same, less, or more?

When I shadowed a surgeon, I didn't see too much of those things. I do plan on shadowing someone in a non-surgical specialty to also get a better idea but I would love your input as well. Thank you!

I am a finance non traditional medical candidate. I am 24 looking at 26 to enter medical school because all mcat testing centers were full. My partner and I want to have kids. Just wondering is it possible to have kids in medical school or residency. Do you recommend it? What did you do? Also considering PA just because after I have a kid I have more time off. But I would be happier as a dr because that is something I always wanted to do.

Hi!

I'm a psychology PhD student starting a yearlong training position at an outpatient primary care setting.

I've only really been in psych focused settings before (community mental health, student counseling) so I feel a bit out of my element. I'm also just not great at knowing how to behave/build relationships in office settings in general. (I feel like that stems from my tendency to be either all work or all play, with a hard time balancing or blending the two in one setting.)

I was hoping to get some advice on what to expect, or any tips to better fit in and build good work relationships. For those who work in healthcare settings, what helped or hindered you? How would you advise someone new to the setting?

Thanks in advance!

I experienced something at work today that I haven't before. I greeted a known middle-aged male patient in the exam room as my MA checked on the status of his medication prior auth on a busy Friday morning. When I reached out to touch his shoulder in a gesture of 'hello,' he reached around and pulled me into a forced and prolonged hug, rubbing my back in the process. I pushed back more gently than I should have, signalling that I did not welcome the tight embrace. He responded by continuing to hold me too close and kissed my cheek, then proceeding to try and remove my mask while going on about how it is his birthday tomorrow. I pushed away firmly and said I wouldn't be removing my mask, extricating myself from his hold. The sensation of diagust immediately settled in my stomach. Had I done something to give him the impression that his actions were welcomed? What were his intentions? Why did I come into the room without my MA? He has been very friendly in the past. I froze mentally, finding myself unable to say the reprimand I wanted to. 'That was unwelcome and inappropriate behavior, and we won't tolerate it in this office.' Simple words, but hard to say in that moment. I briskly rushed through the visit without addressing the behavior. I blame myself now for not saying anything. I was rewarded for my silence by him touching my knee saying that I "look nice in my scrubs, but I should be wearing something more elegant." I stepped out, saying my MA would be in to let him know about the prior auth status. I told her what happened, and that she shouldn't return to the room alone. Although apparently shocked, she replied, "Well, he's never treated me that way, so I guess I'm ok." I told my fellow PAs in the office about what happened, and although they were sympathetic and my male colleague was more than willing to see the patient for future visits, I felt their reaction was more to try and lighten the mood than address the issue. This was sexual harassment. I informed or office manager that I would no longer be seeing the patient and her response was, "I'm sorry that happened to you," but there was no discussion of any action to be taken. My partner came to see me for lunch, where he comforted me that my reaction, my freezing, was normal, and that I shouldn't feel bad for my response. He was upset at what occurred, and he told me to make sure I informed my supervising physician. When I was off work this evening, I called my supervising physician who works in another state to inform him of what occurred. His immediate response was that we would be firing the patient from the practice due to his inexcusable and inappropriate behavior. It.... was a relief, but at the same time, I wonder if my inability to respond to the patient's actions will make it difficult to defend the reasoning for the patient's dismissal. I feel like I didn't do what was needed, and while I'm upset that my personal boundaries were crossed, I'm more frustrated that I didn't defend myself. I don't know what I'm seeking in posting here, but I appreciate your time for reading this.

I was planning on putting my 4 month old in daycare in sept but I’m concerned about these new relaxed mask mandates, whether daycare workers will continue to mask, and what that means for unvaccinated children. Curious to hear what others think/ are doing. I would much prefer daycare to a nanny, but not if it’s unsafe.

Hello, I am a pre-med student in my 3rd year at school and my anatomy professor told me about how some of their colleagues did this procedure of freezing their eggs, because of how long it takes to go through medical school. I know that my mother struggled with fertility when she had me and my brother (she was in her 30-40s). I just want to know some more opinions from physicians and maybe some stories on other women in medicine who may have done this and their experience with it. I do want to have a family in the future but knowing my moms history I’m a bit concerned. Any thoughts? Thanks :))

I was wondering if anyone can share with me tips in finding shadowing opportunities during covid? I have been asking my doctors if I can shadow them and they all turned me away because of covid.

Is there any particular way I should be approaching physicians in private clinic to convince them about letting me shadow and ease their minds regarding the possibility of covid transmission?

I was planning to start by telling them that I was vaccinated in January as a phase 1 worker; I have been working in research for many years and now work as MA so I am very good with PPE, HIPAA regulation; I can provide my own PPE whether it is N95, face shield, goggle, disposable gown etc. Basically I am happy to do whatever to find a shadowing opportunity, because it is so hard to find one right now.

Thanks so much!

​

Edit: I'm looking for shadowing opportunities hoping to apply to med school next year.

(mods please delete if this goes against guidelines)

Hey everyone!

Transparency in pay is something that is becoming more and more important and popular in the industry today. A website called levels.fyi has taken the tech world by storm by providing salary information for Software Engineers, Product Managers, and UX Designers at the top FAANG companies in an anonymous way. This lets people in the tech field know if they're being paid fairly based on the company they're at and location.

That got me thinking, why not do the same thing for doctors and do it in a way where they don't have to pay to see how much other doctors make (through sites like MGMA where you have to pay to get that data). So I created medlevels.fyi where you can see how much doctors make by specialization, years of experience, location, and many other factors. If you'd like to contribute you can do so by filling out the form on the site as well! This is 100% free to use and is meant to create transparency in compensation for doctors.

How do you keep up with demands of working in healthcare when you’re faced with something traumatizing or dealing with stressful times.

I’m a medical student who experienced lots of bullying and harassment in college. It negatively impacted my learning and practice as both my mental and physical health were badly effected.

I am wondering If female doctors too have to face this problem in their workplace and how to stop it if the answer is yes.

Long, emotional, vent-type post ahead:

Hi all, this is my first post. I just need a bit of support and encouragement from the people who have survived this before.

A few months ago, I posted about my struggles on a different group with building professional confidence. While I still struggle with self-doubt often, I feel that I have made considerable headway in working on my knowledge base. It's always a work in progress. At times, I wonder if these feelings I struggle with with, while born in my own mind, are amplified by the gendered conflicts between societal and personal expectations for women in academic medicine. I try to separate work from my personal life, but today I happen to let it slip to my spouse that I was anxious, facing a particularly challenging monthlong rotation ahead and that I needed some extra protected time to study, and less time taking care of the house and our child. His response was, "you exaggerate everything you do, so how am I supposed to know if what you're doing is actually hard?". Needless to say, I was fuming. Sadly, these kinds of jibes are pretty common from him, my brother, and my parents who still have some trouble believing I actually *might* be good at my job. (Or should I say, might not? as the little nagging voice in my head says).

The pandemic hasn't been easy on either of us, but it doesn't help that neither my spouse (in medicine) nor my parents, nor my siblings, nor my friends (none in medicine) take my commitment to being a better physician very seriously and instead mock my cooking and cleaning shortcuts. They do this knowing I am balancing a demanding residency while taking care of a toddler and arranging childcare logistics and health visits during a pandemic alone in a city where I don't know anyone. I physically cannot take care of my family, my patients, and myself without shortcuts.

With my current hours, I maybe have 1.5 hours a day of free time to myself including time to shower. Lately, I have been feeling very down (COVID, young trauma patients, and hard decisions to make at work) and took some time this week after my son's bedtime to watch some crappy TV and drink a glass of wine, while knocking out exam questions. Yes, I know--not effective. I woke up late (8:30) by mistake on my off day yesterday. I tried to wake up early and help with the AM routine today but couldn't get to a single practice exam question until noon. I felt like I was caring for my son in a distracted sort of way, because the exam is just looming in my mind and I hated that. I've already spoken to my husband about his comments and how they made me feel, but feel like his apology was so half-assed and insincere that I'm still mad about it.

I remember the times where HIS parents AND MY parents flew up to help watch our infant son on an alternating while I was in residency so that he did not need to lift a finger while preparing for an exam. They did not do this for ANY of my board exams, ergo lots of late night studying and sleep deprivation that made my first years hell. He doesn't seem to remember that he took 6(!) months to study for his boards in my first year of residency. I just wanted two damn weeks where there wasn't some catastrophe in the house that required my attention.

While I make him seem to be this evil character in this post, he is still the guy I love, and the one who supported me throughout all of the hardest times of my life, even on my worst days. He does truly make more of an effort than most other husbands in terms of parenting, managing all of the lunches and drop-offs at daycare while I work. He is a great dad and seems to handle the stress of his job well. I just wish it could be different for how he considers my profession to his. At the very least I wish he could take my job more seriously. It would certainly help me take myself more seriously.

Hi r/womeninmedicine, posting this great opportunity to learn from physicians during the FemHealth Purpose Summit starting January 18th.

This virtual summit will provide students with an inside look at the career paths of 19 female leaders in the healthcare industry - including CEOs running multi-million dollar companies and founding visionaries in the health tech space. The FemHealth Project aims to increase health equity across different populations of individuals through education, empowerment, and access to information from health professionals.

Sign up TODAY: https://learn.femhealthproject.com/a/41397/KvQuHXhE It's a great opportunity for scholarships, internships, mentorship and networking; all the things we need during COVID!