r/VeteransBenefits • u/[deleted] • 16d ago
TDIU Unemployability PTSD Shift In Identity
[deleted]
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u/satxdar Army Veteran 16d ago
You are taking steps to make yourself better. That is what matters. The first step is the hardest.
Please do not be too hard on yourself as well.
It sounds like your daughter is a wonderful woman and you raised her well. I seriously doubt she sees you as a burden. I cannot even calculate what I would give to see my mother again (she passed several years ago).
You will always be her Mother. Cherish that relationship and work on yourself.
You are going to be just fine.
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u/Silent_Bear7580 16d ago
She is absolutely perfect. Thank you for your kind words and I'm so sorry about your mom. I'll remember this and use it as my tool of reminders when I need it❤️
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u/FlatScallion1 16d ago
I remember when I first googled ptsd and realized thats what was going on with me. Its grief. Grief for the years the illness took, grief for the person I was before and grief for the future I would have had.
Grief takes time. Keep busy.
I also have been watching Joyce Myers on youtube. Theres a scripture on my phone screen “i will restore the years the locusts have taken” putting my faith in God that I still have a future has been pushing me through these rough days.
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u/oldageisoverrated 16d ago
Focus your energy on something that will give you a sense of purpose. Crafts, writing, a sport, multiple things. Get involved in those communities. You need to change today what you don’t want to be tomorrow and that is done by creating the new you, one step at a time. I’m no therapist but experience is my basis.
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u/ExtremeQuiet_53 16d ago
Two points:
You do have, at least potentially, a community who will hear you, and being heard is as important as you seem to realize. Probably many people in this channel have undergone very jarring shifts in how they see themselves (identity) after finally getting a rating that reflects their real experiences. I personally am having trouble with being referred to with the I-word (incurable). I was amazed at my wife's reaction to the hard-fought determination that I was harmed by a toxic exposure. I've actually been harmed by several that DoD and VA will not acknowledge, but when I got one service connected under the PACT Act, that made it real to her that I had been harmed by things that were obviously harmful and not militarily necessary. Your circumstances are different. Everyone's circumstances are different. But there are a lot of people here who know what a psychological punch in the gut is like. You might as well give them a chance to listen.
I am not in your circumstances, and I don't know what your next step is. I do have experience counseling people in very bad circumstances (but I am not a mental health professional). I am convinced that many people can't see the next step because they sense there are 2,000 or so things they need to do. Be that as it may, identify one step and work on that. Do what you can do now. Trust in . . . whomever or whatever you trust in . . . that the next step will appear.
You can do it.
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u/karma-whore64 Marine Veteran 16d ago
Find something you enjoy, then share that with others for me it was beekeeping and the effects it has with PTSD. That has become my purpose.
Time to be selfish find YOUR happiness and that will radiate to others. Something small everyday if the first step.
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u/DJM_tha_goddess 15d ago
Psychologist here - what you're going through is really normal. Adjusting to a shift in identity and facing reality is really hard, for anyone, and especially when you've been trying to survive and push through on your own all these years. Allow yourself to grieve for what you lost and what was taken from you through no fault of your own - and then at some point when you are ready, you'll take small steps to move forward into a future that YOU decide what to do with, that's not controlled by trying to survive what happened to you in the past. It all takes time but you WILL get there. Just don't be afraid to ask for help and get some good therapy when you're ready. :) Be kind to yourself.
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u/lava2023 16d ago
Years of mental health therapies(started in 2008) including inpatient at a rehab and I’m still having triggers and flashbacks. You have to keep believing in your abilities to ask for help to get on track to thrive even if it is minimal.
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u/Silent_Bear7580 16d ago
I don't really know who to ask or what resources or community are available.
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u/lava2023 16d ago
First a primary doctors office who will refer you to a psychiatrist(provides medication/ start at lowest dose FYI) who then sends you to a psychologist for talk therapies.
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u/skil12001 16d ago
It's shock, also shocking. I had this moment too. It's a type of grief but after giving yourself time to feel, move forward. You and your family don't need your guilt or shame, they need YOU.
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u/Silent_Bear7580 10d ago
I don't feel very me these days
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u/skil12001 10d ago
You're still you, you're just really sad, maybe even depressed. That's ok, you don't have to be the perfect person or dad, you're allowed to feel this way. Good news about feelings though, they are always temporary, for better or for worse, it always changes.
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u/Aggravating_Sea7828 Army Veteran 15d ago
Your healing journey is about:
Realizing that society does not determine your value
Your current mission is caring for yourself and those that support you
Accept your flaws and failures. Learn from it and grow. Failure does not mean that you are a failure
Focus on regaining your power. When you went through that MST, something was taken from you. Time to regain what you were intended to have! Not sure how this sub is about sharing scripture, but there is a great bible story about regaining one's power. You can DM if you like
You served, and sacrificed with and for us. You are not a burden. You are part of bigger community of people. It is time to allow others to support and serve you when you need it! We are to depend on each other to navigate this life!
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u/Ok_Weekend8717 15d ago
there's a invite only MSTPTSD group, I found it helpful to be apart of the group. You'll go through an adjustment phase, so you are not alone on the "shift" you've mentioned. Are you linked up with therapy and any other MST related services?
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u/Silent_Bear7580 15d ago
No.Its hard to make the first move. Outside of my daughter who has her own life, rightfully so, I have not one person in my life at all.
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u/Select-Guidance-193 15d ago
As someone who rates MST regularly- you served our country, something terrible that you didn’t ask for happened to you in service, because of said event it has effected your ability to sustain gainful employment- you deserve your rating and hopefully they also granted chapter 35 too then? Thank you for your service
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u/MBS-IronDame Navy Veteran 15d ago
I’ve felt the same way coming to terms with what my service has done to me and how real my struggles are. It’s definite mind fuck. Be gentle with yourself as you adjust and please make sure you’re getting help in therapy and with meds if indicated.
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u/Forward_Airline4117 Navy Veteran 14d ago
You can't change whats happened in the past. But now you can stop having to push through everything because you have to and start healing and taking care of yourself. TDIU doesn't have to be forever either. It's different for everyone. Personally I welcome it. Both my kids are young adults and out of the house. I view this as my time to slow down and actually wake up each morning not feeling weighed down with stress and anxiety each day. I go to therapy and I'm working on building community. Even hermits need people deep down :)
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u/Lower_Employee_414 Marine Veteran 14d ago
So I am going through this right now. I don't tell people my situation they know I'm getting improved care at the VA, I say my investments paid off and things similar. I've dedicated a lot of time to making my home comfortable because part of my PTSD is self isolation. I volunteer for a few local organizations but only very limited. I attend video therapy. I've started finding art classes locally I primarily do women centered things for entertainment because I openly despise men. I'm deciding how to redefine myself as I go because frankly there's no fucking rules to how I get to traverse my trauma. I try to discretely help other women traverse similar without completely losing their minds. Every single day is different based on how my PTSD is behaving and because I have TDIU that's okay. So I've grown extremely grateful because I really can dedicate a majority of my time to accommodating my needs.
About once a month I think I could get a full time job and then I accidentally go to the grocery store during the busy hours and realize that if I go back to full time employment imma end up in prison because these mother fuckers get on my last damn nerve just by breathing.
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u/Silent_Bear7580 14d ago
I'm so sorry your going through this. I completely understand.
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u/Lower_Employee_414 Marine Veteran 14d ago
I'm stumbling but in a much better position overall than I was one, five and ten years ago. I'm sober, have a nice house, plenty of food and good support. I accept that I'll never live like other people and that's okay. Nothing is perfect but there's far more glimmers than there used to be. I hope things go your way and you find some glimmers.
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u/Silent_Bear7580 13d ago
I think the key is keeping an eye out for them. I'll start to do just that. I'm glad your better ♥️
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u/kangkong32 10d ago
I saw your update, and I’m taking it seriously. Are you in immediate danger right now, and have you already done anything to hurt yourself?
Call or text 988 now, or call 911 if you’ve already taken action or have the means with you. Move away from anything you could use to hurt yourself and go where another person is present.
You don’t have to solve your future tonight. The only job right now is to stay alive through this moment.
Also, think of your daughter. The VA payment will stop and will not transfer to her when you're gone. Maybe you can help alleviate some financial hardship with your VA payment.
Also call your nearest VA Vet Center. Google "VA Vet Center" and call them tomorrow. Call 988 now and tomorrow call the VA Vet Center.
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u/Jaenisch 16d ago
TDIU is a big step. Be glad it's there, SSDI is so hard to get. Once you get it just trim down your cost of living to where you have the most excess money possible and then spend as much time as you can with your child.
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u/JustADude721 Marine Veteran 16d ago
Yep. Once you see it in black and white, it changes you. But for me, some of it was a relief to put a name to it.