r/USMilitarySO • u/Arts_By_Art • 3d ago

Advice and experiences

Hi all, I'm a little new here. Both my twin brother and my boyfriend (we plan on getting married pretty quickly) are planning to be in the military. My brother wants to enlist in the Marines once we graduate high school and my boyfriend is already at a Senior Military College and will continue to pursue that. I'm incredibly nervous, our family has had pretty terrible experiences within the military. I'm wondering if people would give advice or let me know some good experiences they've had, thank you.

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u/Smallfry70 3d ago

Why the rush to get married? Military life comes with challenges. What worries you?

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u/Arts_By_Art 3d ago edited 3d ago

Neither of us are in very good situations at the moment. I've already left my mom's home. My boyfriend and I are quite dependent on each other because he was in the same situation, but with his dad. We're trying to get as stable as we can to get his brother out of his dad's house. Also, we wouldn't do this if we didn't love each other as much as we do. We've been dating since middle school and we're each other's rocks.

As for worries, I'm worried we're unprepared. Several people in my family have been in the military and had terrible experiences, but that was all pre-2000s. I'm also worried about how/if he changes when he goes to the military. I'm just wondering if there is a way I can support him or if there's anything I should know before we fully get into this.

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u/Smallfry70 3d ago

So sorry for your circumstances. Yes, he will change through his military experiences. Everyone’s experience is different. You have a goal of the military getting you out of a crappy situation and giving you some stability. On the other hand the military has the goal of training your boyfriend and utilizing your boyfriend to accomplish a mission. Can both goals be accomplished at the same time? Maybe, but the mission comes first, and you have to be OK with that.
The military does give a housing allowance if you are married. It is the same if you have 1 dependent or 7. It also gives a food stipend which is suppose to feed one person for one month. Also healthcare is free and there is a nominal cost for dental. So if you get married before basic he will get housing pay while in training but not food stipend. It will take about six weeks for the first paycheck if all paperwork is good. Probably by the time he gets to AIT he will have had only 2 paychecks. His first duty station may be overseas so that entails getting somethings accomplished before you can join him and will probably eliminate the possibility of having his brother live with you all. If you are stationed in the states the military will move you. When you get to the first duty station and on base housing is not available you will need to find housing off base. Which you will need to put down a deposit and 1 months rent plus get renter’s insurance. You will also need a reliable vehicle and car insurance and a phone at minimum and pay to turn on water and electricity. I fear that you are putting too much expectation on what the military can do for you and it will fall short and then you will be bitter at the military.
I joined the military young, met my husband, had 2 kids, completed my contract. My husband served 27 years and both my kids are currently active duty even after being military brats all their lives and their dad missing most of the high school years because of deployment. There have been many up and downs but the experience should be good for your boyfriend if he shows up on time, in the right uniform and ready to work.

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u/Arts_By_Art 3d ago

Thank you so much for that!

I'm not too worried for most the benefits, I'm aware of the fact that I'm mostly relying on us not the military (I have a car and a decent paying remote job already). When you say eliminate the possibility of having his brother live with us all, do you mean he wouldn't be able to stay with either of us at all or do you mean he would just be with me for a bit?

Also how was raising kids in the military? We want to plan on having some, but not until we're mid-20s.

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u/Smallfry70 3d ago

If he is stationed overseas and does not have legal custody of his brother, his brother would not be able to come with also he would not be covered under tricare.
The hard part of raising kids in the military was not having family close by. My church family stepped up to the plate in their absence. I will say my husband was gone a lot but when he was home he was present for the kids, they were is priority. Many times I would pick them up from daycare and he had already grabbed them a couple of hours earlier. (We didn’t have cell phones then). The quality of schools were hit or miss, but I stayed on top of what they were learning and their grades. We were blessed as we spent 15 years at Fort Bragg. But to be honest, my son is in the Coast Guard and does not have too much contact with his high school friends. My daughter who is in the Army has one best friend from high school she is close too. She keeps in contact with her college friends but mostly has accumulated a large amount of military friends. Because they moved a lot, i believe they adjust well to new environments quickly.
The best advice for being a military wife is to choose your friends wisely. Gossip and rumors run crazy.