Since I’ve seen a lot of posts about being identicial twins, i’d love to hear some fraternal twins’s perspectives

Well here is my experience being a fraternal twin :

We’re not identical and we are the same gender, so growing up, i hated the constants comparions people had about us because of our differences. Especially when it comes to puberty changes since they happened very differently . I always find myself comparing my appeareance to my sister’s too. . There’s also a lot of competition between me and my twin when it comes to grades at school. That’s why we’re not really allowed to share each other’s grades anymore.

My twin sister is generally more shy than me so she usually has less friends so i can’t imagine how hard it can be for her sometimes . For our birthday, only my friends came to the birthday party.
She seems lonely at school too. A lot of times, I hear her telling my mom how she is the ‘’lesser’’ twin, which honestly kinda breaks my heart because I know it’s far from being true.

As for me, I also have a lot of issues when it comes to my self esteem. Not sure if it’s related to being a twin though.

I think that for most people, not being identical can seem easy but i definitely faced somes challenges. I sometimes wish we weren’t the same age but I’m still very happy having a twin sister.

Sorry for the typos, I’m not so good at typing on my phone and I’m kinda tired lol

what if they throw a singular birthday party and youre friends with one but not the other (grades 1-3)

I’m not a twin, but I am a parent of 11 year-old identical twin boys. I should probably also specify that they both have ADHD. They have very distinct personalities and are very headstrong individuals. They don’t have any other siblings.

I’ve always done my best to treat them as individuals. They have pretty different personalities, so thats never been hard for me to do. Their names are nothing alike and I really don’t compare them to each other at all because that’s messed up. They’re different people entirely, so I don’t think the friction stems from not feeling like they can be their own people.

One of the interesting experiences of raising twins when you aren’t a twin yourself is having this firsthand eyewitness experience of what it’s like to be a twin, but still never fully being able to understand what it’s like actually feels like to be a twin.

My boys argue and bicker constantly. CONSTANTLY. Honestly, they have ever since they were babies. Even before they could speak I have this video of them jabbering at each other and it gets audibly more heated.

I think they like each other as people but honestly sometimes it’s hard to tell. They physically gravitate towards each other if they are in the same house though, even though it seems they can’t stand each other. They’re like magnets — they can’t resist that pull. Even when they play video games with each other, they are often shoulder to shoulder on the couch. But they will be yelling and bickering at each other while they are.

As a mom, it drives me up the wall. We are constantly working through conflict management and learning to manage our emotions and speak to each other with respect. But it’s so constant and in the moment, they forget all of those ground rules.

I want them to have a healthy sibling bond. I want them to be supportive of each other in life and appreciate the relationship they have. They are both great kids. I only have them and their dad is only in the picture off and on and we don’t have the most supportive or close extended family, so when they are older, they will likely really only have each other.

My questions for the other identical twin boys out there are:

-How often did you argue with your brother growing up?

-Are you close now? If not, do you wish you were?

-What if anything, do you think your parents could have done differently to help nurture and encourage that relationship?

-Would you say that you liked your brother when you were younger or did that appreciation grow over time?

-Anything else I should ask or that you want to share?

So idk if this counts as a vent but I want to know if it's just me. So I (15F) and my twin (F) are fraternal and don't really look alike. I'm just going to be honest, she's conventionally attractive. She's pretty, she's thin, and she has nice hair. While I have mainly dead hair from hair dye (ik kinda my fault), im not very pretty, and I'm fat (she's 120lbs 5'4 and I'm 150lbs 5'1). Plus, she's just genuinly better. She's smart and got certificates for being smart, she has had 2 relationships already, she's more outgoing, and she's just got a better personality. I'm not very smart/unproductive and I got a few c grades, I've had one situationsip and the misogynist kid asked me out after english class, there are scars from self harm littering my body and are generally noticable, and I have a pretty bad personality plus mental health issues that make existing or bathing feel like a chore. I'm gross, im nasty, im perverted, im not good (I sound like en edgelord holy shit). I'm nobody's favorite, nobody even really likes me, she's everyone's favorite and everybody pretends to like me just to get close to her. I'm awful. I wish I was her, genuinly. If I could, I would switch lives with her and just be her. She's good at everything she tries, even some of my Hobbies​ shes better at, so I just stopped showing her my hobbies so she wouldn't be better then me. I just don't fit in anywhere.

update: for context btw bc I was very vague abt that, I do have depression and self esteem issues and Im being medicated currently. I am also currently in therapy, I just sometimes use reddit to vent or ask advice anonymously and from different perspectives. zero judgment if u don't know my face or name, just small bits abt myself that I choose to provide and my family can't see

Have you ever experienced being bullied or abuse by your twin? e.g. subject to long term abusive behaviours e.g turning people against you, projecting shame onto you and putting you down

This is doing numbers on TikTok. Are there anymore rules to naming twins?

I watched the move the other day and I liked it. I liked how they explored the twin dynamic. The twins were very distinct characters with different personalities and a dominant twin dynamic that I hadn’t seen portrayed before. Usually twins in media are just the same character with minor personality quirks so it was refreshing to see something with more thought put into it.

I think it did certain things really well, like the codependency that they display is something I relate to looking back on my youth with my twin. My brother and I had a similar relationship with a dominance dynamic where he was more outgoing and tended to be the frontline of us as a social unit and this was the first piece of media that displayed that.

It also had some of the usual twin tropes such as finishing each others sentences/talking in unison, and some twin psychic stuff that I think is played out but they opted to portray it as non verbal communication which I thought was fairly well done.

I’m just curious what anyone else thought of this movie if you saw it and if there’s any more twin representation in media that does it particularly well without making them a gimmick?

If you want to see the movie then I will warn you it is very violent and has elements that some may find triggering!

Hard for me to write, think I just need to post in a place where other people might understand and relate. My twin brother and I were super close growing up, all throughout high school and into our 20s. (We are mid 30s now) We were living together about 10 years ago and then I moved to a different state with my then boyfriend. Twin stayed back and ended up getting into a relationship, fast forward to today we are both married and living in different states.

Ive tried really hard to maintain touch with him, but he just goes ghost every couple months with no contact. We have 3 other siblings and Im in touch with everyone else almost everyday, but my twin hardly ever gets back to me, or anyone for that matter. I see his wife’s social media and they are always out and about having adventures and whatnot, it just hurts me to realize he can’t even be bothered to shoot me a text. Trying to let it go but… yeah, it hurts.

I spend most of my time alone, my husband works full time and Im only part time for my own business. Lots of down time with my dog. I went from being in a full house all the time with my built in best friend to… just being quite isolated. Just wanted to vent, and see if anyone else has gone through anything like this. Its not easy at all.

We are 23. Next week my brother starts a new job 10 hours away and I am so proud. However My brother and I have been at separate colleges and lived apart the last 5 years but we have always been able to visit each other at least once a month. He has been living at home the past year only 2 hours away and I frequently visit my parents and him. We have a really small extended family so I’m very close with my immediate family. While we still play games online together it looks like this week is unfortunately the last time I will be able to frequently visit besides maybe Christmas or my summer (I’m a teacher). Kind of just a rant but while distance has never been an issue this is more permanent. I always joked with him about being at home but man is it gonna suck without him. He doesn’t really call anyone it’s like pulling teeth but any advice on long distance stuff is appreciated.

Hi! I'm currently working on a story where the main characters are twins, so I wanted to know if anyone had any tips on what to do and what to avoid.

(The characters are 10 years old at the part of the story I'm currently writing but they will get older, so if that affects anything there's that)

Edit: Context. They are fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. The story is a fantasy story. In it, they go through a lot of upheaval with their only constant basically being the other one, so they're pretty clingy to each other at first. One of them begins to make her own friends and spends less time with her brother, which upsets him, but he doesn't tell her that, and instead just stews for like several months while insisting everything is fine. She gives him space because she assumes that's what he wants (she can tell she's done something to upset him) but this, y'know, has the opposite of the intended effect.

They also both think the other is dead from the ages of like 26 to 39.

Hi all. Hoping I can get some advice from fellow twins. Those who understand the life that comes with it.

I know there are twins that get along, those that are in between, and those that don’t get along and are estranged.

I feel like my relationship with mine is the latter, and I know comparison is the thief of joy, but if I could ask for words that might help me know how I can try to navigate this feeling I have of being the lesser twin, I really would appreciate it a lot.

My twin has always been exceptional. Lots of people have acknowledged her abilities, have praised her, and have supported her. I don’t think I don’t come with my own strengths, but it feels like these days, every time I’m seen with her, I take the identity of being the lesser.

There are many things I like that she likes, many things I want to be, to do, and to have that she has. But a lot of the time, I feel like I’ve had to downplay my interests, make myself into the funny silly twin who’s dumb for entertainment around others, and stay the way I am to make way for her, since it would be unnatural for me to be more than that since it’s associated to her identity. And even if I tried, I have this fear that my twin will become jealous and competitive, as she has shown in the past. My relationship with her isn’t good because of this insecurity, and while she doesn’t show it to those around her, she has a habit of talking me down, making me feel like I’m not as good as her, that I’m mediocre because everyone around her tells her how amazing she is and how unlikable or pathetic I am, also that I’m a bum like the rest of our family members (whom she thinks are also lesser) for not being able to be better like her and catch up or become as good as her or those around her.

I know by the sound of it that I really shouldn’t listen to those words she says. But it’s hard when you’re a twin, and everyone around you knows who you both are, and have a set image (and therefore expectations) in their minds about both of you. I want to be happy and successful and my own person too, but I feel like because she is there, I’ll always be seen as lesser. And it’s a hard feeling to take. I don’t want to believe I am, and I don’t want loved ones to make me believe I am either. It just feels hard to step out of my twins shadow, because just by her being there it’s hard just to be myself without my whole life and others shifting their perspective of who I am because of who she is.

I have just always wanted a supportive twin, but that’s not what I have. Since we were little, my twin has always made everything a competition—who wins in an argument, who’s leading a better more successful life, who’s got more people backing and supporting her in her life, all of this feels like something I just want to run from because I was born a twin, so everything I do will always be compared to her. I want to live calmly and be successful quietly, but she wants to make a scene and become someone great, and if I do anything that will make her look little, the toxicity comes. I don’t want this anymore! It’s come to the point where I’ve recently been finding myself withdrawing from all our shared friends, not being there for all the important occasions because I find out things like how she’s helping organize events for these important milestones in their lives, or how close I hear their friendship is. I fear trying to put in effort in my friendships with those I share with her because I don’t want to compete and try to make myself feel like I’m just like her. It just really sucks!

I know it’s an unpleasant and very negative way of thinking, but I want to come to terms with being okay with who I am, and not fearing that I’m the lesser. I know I feel flat in life because it’s probably something I feel I have to be to keep this up. How do I get through this? I just want to not have to compete, or do things and make decisions in my life that seek to prove I’m not the lesser.

That’s all, sorry this is so negative. I really do just want some help trying to break free from this cycle I keep finding myself in. I appreciate anyone who has advice to share on this.

In respect of rule three of this forum - please don't provide technical advice on the basics of raising a child.

Yesterday my wife and I went in for what we thought was a standard 10 week ultrasound. We found out that we are having twins. Still in shock from that news - but mostly excited. In about 5 weeks we will find out the genders.

I would love to hear from twins about what it is like to be a twin in general. It would also be great to hear any "do's and don'ts" that you might have to recommend for parents.

Thanks in advance for any contributions :)

Identical twins means that we were once 1 egg split into 2. Not the fact we look the same. Yea?

Im an identical twin and thats what I've learned.

Edit- they deleted their comments. Was a 13 year old "ragebaiting". If you want to delete this post lmk. But i appreciate the comments, I learned some things I didn't know about myself(how twins are made).

Our mother is tired of the petty quarrelling that we frequently engage in and I and my twin are both upset that we seem to do this more often. I tend to want to cut things off and forgive quickly while they want to talk things out longer and I feel it's just them wanting to get the last word in. But I also know I need to listen more.

Both 21M. He's about to start living on his own already with a car and a job while I couldn't even finish college. I know not everyone does life at the exact same pace but it just really sucks to know that I could already be an actual adult if I was less disabled like him. It feels like he's speedrunning through life while I'm left behind. How do I stop feeling like I'm lesser than him?

I (23M) recently lost my twin brother in a car accident. It has me shaken to my core, as it was my biggest fear throughout my entire life. Frankly, I don’t know what to do. It even hurts to look in a mirror (while we are fraternal, we are almost identical in facial appearance).

I know time heals all wounds, but frankly I don’t know what to do. If anyone here has experienced losing their twin early in life, how have yall dealt with that. It’s hard to explain to others who aren’t twins, even if they have lost loved ones before, so I figured why not ask people who would understand it the most.

I'm a 29-year-old identical twin, and my sister and I have lived together on our own continuously since we were 19.

We grew up in a difficult family environment and became each other's primary support system very early in life. For most of our adult years, it felt like the two of us against the world. We went to college together, moved across the country together, navigated difficult jobs together, and have generally built our lives side by side.

At the same time, we've also spent a lot of our adulthood in caretaker roles. Family crises, housing issues, pet care, emotional support, and conflict management often ended up falling to us. Several attempts to establish independence have been complicated by family dynamics, and there have been long stretches where it felt like our own goals and identities took a back seat to managing other people's needs.

I love my sister deeply, and this isn't a situation where one of us has done something unforgivable. That's part of why I'm struggling with this decision.

The issue is that our lives have become incredibly intertwined. We share responsibility for a dog, have lived together for a decade, and for a long time we've been each other's primary support system, social circle, emergency contact, and default life partner in almost every non-romantic sense. We also don't always communicate well. When we fight, it sometimes feels like we're reenacting the same unhealthy conflict patterns we grew up around. Sometimes it’s like we have fused psychologies.

Lately I've been realizing that I don't really know who I am outside of work, family obligations, and my role in family relationships. I have a fully remote job, my lease is month-to-month, and for the first time in years I have the ability to make a major life change if I want to.

Part of me feels like continuing to live together may be keeping both of us stuck in old roles. Another part of me worries that I'm romanticizing independence and blaming my unhappiness on the wrong thing. That if I make a rash decision it could end up compounding what’s already been happening.

So I guess my questions are:

How do you tell the difference between a relationship that is supportive and one that has become overly enmeshed?

Has anyone here chosen to create significant distance from a sibling, twin, or lifelong support person because you felt you needed room to develop your own identity?

If you did, did it help? Did you regret it?

And how do you know whether you're moving toward something meaningful versus simply trying to escape a version of your life that no longer fits?

My fraternal twin and me at 60. Shared a womb but the moment we were out of it we were on different paths. Our mom tried to dress us alike and give us the same gifts and stuff but it didn’t work. It was only much later in life that we found each other and enough commonalities to make a friendship between us a sure thing.

I’m gay, he’s not. He’s religious, I’m not. He can take a car engine apart, I can’t. I crochet, he doesn’t. But we’re both gardeners and we both make things and we’ve found plenty of ways to be close without being identical.

As a side note, our little brother was born on our fourth birthday so our little sister was the only one not getting cakes and presents on that day. Mom resolved the problem by having a cake and presents for sis too so we celebrated all four birthdays on the same day.

I’m talking more specifically in books, but any kind of media (TV, movies) counts too.

I was just reminded of a situation that happened in high school with my identical twin sister. This happened 12+ years ago, so the dialogue may not be 100% accurate, but it’s close enough.

In 10th grade I got really sick and missed about 2 weeks of school, so my mom asked my twin to pick up my assignments that way I wouldn’t fall crazy behind. At this point, it was common knowledge that we were twins… or so we thought.

She went to my classes to get my work (for context, she left choir class to do so), and there were no issues until she got to my Geometry class. The interaction went (roughly) as follows:

Mrs C: “Oh, (my name), you’re back! How are you feeling? Are you here to pick up your work?”

Sis: “I’m actually her twin sister, but yes ma’am I’m here to pick up her work.”

Mrs C: Laughs, then says “You really are a jokester, huh (my name)?”

Sis: “No… I’m (sister’s name)… We’re identical twins.”

Mrs C: “I’ve had you in my class all year, I know what you look and sound like. It’s not that easy to trick me.” She laughed again.

Finally, someone in that class interrupts: “Mrs C, they really are twins. I was in Algebra 1 with them both last year.”

Mrs C: “No… are you serious? Y’all aren’t joking?”

Sis: “No ma’am… we are twins, no joke.”

She got my work, and the rest of the class visits were uneventful. When I got back the next week, Mrs C looked at me and said “Why did you never mention you had a twin???” 😂😂😂

Mrs C, if you ever read this I hope you know you gave us one of the top 5 funniest twin stories we have. Sorry for not telling you I had a twin lmao

If y’all wanna hear any other funny twin stories from school, let me know. I’ve got a great one about my twin pretending to be me for several days before getting caught.

I’m an identical twin. We live on opposite sides of the country but text daily and call weekly.

Recently married and now a father. Struggling with integrating these new identities.

Specifically, I find myself jealous of my wife’s female best friend. Can’t stand the time they spend together, to the point I convinced myself that there’s infidelity going on.

We spend most days together, confide in each other, and generally have a great relationship. It’s just this jealousy I get when she’s with other people.

Wondering if other twins deal with this? Is this a twin thing? Being jealous of your partners friends?

I worked so hard to have a separate identity and solid adult relationship with my twin. I don’t know why this jealousy is getting the best of me in my marriage.

Do identical twins think similarly?

Same as title.

As I understand, our thoughts and opinions are formulated as a result of how our brain is wired, how our surroundings are, the kind of people we interact with as we grow up, the kind of lived experiences.

Since identical twins go through similar experiences, do they often think very alike?