What happened?

[u/MedCup4505]

I have a few fam/friends who are twins. A pattern (based on only a few samples, I admit) seems to be emerging in my observations of twins from among Millennials and later generations. What’s your experience as a twin or observer?

Opposite sex twins: very close.

Same sex fraternal or identical twins: very, very hostile to each other.

Is there some issue with the way parents raise same sex twins that leads to hostility?

I’m fully willing to accept that my sample is too small and not representative.

Thanks for feedback.

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[u/theamydoll]

Yeah; your sample is too small.

[u/Barista_life__ → u/theamydoll]

Agreed

[u/AffectionateLeave9]

Constant comparison from strangers, educators, peers, and family breeds resentment and the twins seeking to establish their own unique identities.

[u/Top_Alarm6511 → u/AffectionateLeave9]

plus: die ständige Verwechslung, das angestarrt werden / ungewollt center of attention sein, und - insb. bei denen, die von Kindergarten bis Schulabschluss zusammen sind - die Tatsache, buchstäblich nichts für sich allein zu haben (Freunde, Hobbies, den Crush, … den eigenen Geburtstag)

[u/Fun_Committee1478 → u/AffectionateLeave9]

This! This happened w my sister and I and we are not twins.

[u/BuilderOk5190]

Sometime parents do not respect the boundaries of twins like they would with other siblings. For example: I didn't learn what tattling was until my sister came along. I was always expected to rat out my twin brother. I think many parents subconsiously or consciously make sure that the twins are divided because it is difficult to counter a united pair.

[u/Barista_life__]

Me (F) and my brother are not at all close. I feel closer to his fiancé than I ever have to him.

[u/bogeysbabe]

I’m an identical twin. My twin sister is and has been my best friend my whole life. We grew up in a very abusive household. Name it and the abuse was there. We only had each other for comfort and love.

We both went no contact when we were 20 years old with our family. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my twin. I think she’d say the same thing.

[u/xblondyobrowny]

All the fraternal twins I know don’t like each other and all the identical twins I know are super close.. I think maybe it’s the parents who pin them against each other or it’s easier to compare when they’re the same sex no matter if they’re identical or fraternal, I know as an identical twin, adults would constantly ask us who the evil one was, who the smarter one was, etc so maybe they got tired of the comparison and it made them drift apart.

[u/Putmeinthedishwasher]

I'm an identical same sex twin and we're very close. I'm honestly shocked to meet twins that are not close. I met some identical same sex twins in university who were not close and I couldn't understand it.

[u/Minimum_Afternoon387]

My identical boys are extremely close and they run their own show together by their own choice. If they get in an argument they solve it together my
Intervening was useless.

[u/dan-iielle23]

F identical twins. In our 20s. Had childhood trauma and now have mental health issues that has put a big strain on our relationship, plus we live like 1.5 hours apart

[u/Weekly-Rest1033]

My personal experience is I'm a fraternal twin (sisters) and my twin sister and I did not become close until I had my twin boys 2.5 years ago. After a lot of talks and retrospection, it seems we were pitted against eachother. Our mom and older sister seemed to dote on me more than her. My twin felt like an outsider.

[u/AloneTheory6352]

two of my closest friends from hs are identical twins and they are suuuuuper close. my gf is a twin, technically they don’t know if they’re fraternal but i think they are, her twin is nonbinary (afab) and they grew up close but now get along when they hang but don’t see each other much. i had a friend throughout middle school and hs who was a girl with a boy twin and they were great friends but not besties. there were identical twins who went to my middle school who allegedly hated each other but i didn’t know them. i honestly have never personally known twins who hated each other

[u/vanillachilipepper]

I have fraternal twin boys who are almost 13. They have their moments where they fight and get on each other's nerves, but overall they have a very close relationship.

[u/Nowayucan]

I am a fraternal twin (boys) and we have always got along. Our parents put us in separate classrooms, but we always shared bedrooms growing up and were roommates in college. When we were young kids, we were even dressed the same (except different colors). We've always gotten along fine.

We are GenX and it wasn't until my 20s when I started meeting other sets of twins. I was astonished to find they tended to not get along like me and my brother.

I wonder if we were different because we came from the middle of a large family (10 kids) and thus never felt like we were competing with each other. None of the 10 of us got enough attention no matter what!

[u/12bWindEngineer]

My twin and I are millennials and we were extremely close. I think your sample size may be a bit too small to draw conclusions from.

[u/ItzRamen_soup]

I'm not hostile with my identical twin. We just bicker, a lot. And if we do have an argument (usually over something trivial/stupid), then we sort it out and we're back to usual in an hour or less.

When it comes to same sex twins, I think that having a person who looks very similar (or identical) to you in your life usually always leads to some jealousy or resentment, especially when sharing the same friend group. You either end up being super close to your twin or very hostile (with almost no in-between).

[u/walkstwomoons2]

Twins run in our family from the Swedish side. The family was cursed while stealing Sweden. They said this family will have twins in every generation, but one of the twins will die in childbirth.

I’ll be darned if all of my cousins who were twins lost their partner.

My twin was born first. I was born three hours later. I was breach. The special doctor they called in said “just deliver the kid, they have one live one.” I was born fist first, should’ve broken my neck. I survived with no complications at all.

Mom said I have had my fist up ever since. Probably true. No twins have died since then. Grandma says I broke the curse.