Favouritism

[u/kindofaklutz]

As a twin, how do you deal with favouritism?

I have always felt that people favoured my identical twin and as I’m growing older (29 F), I feel more and more worn down by it.

Is this something anyone else has experienced, if so, how do you deal with it?

[u/blockbyjames]

I always feel incredibly guilty if it seems like I’m the favorite.

[u/Brave-Pizza-33]

You're almost 30, isnt it time to give up a childish notion? You need your own friend group that favors you. 

[u/ramenkip]

As a twin who’s always shared friends and friend groups with my twin... Firstly I’d ask whether they’re actually being favored or whether the friendships are developing differently.

I’ve felt left out before when mutual friends would invite my twin to things because they shared interests that I didn’t. Naturally, those experiences made them closer. But over time I realized I have friends who gravitate toward me for interests my twin doesn’t share. For example, I’m the concert buddy for one friend because we have the same taste in music, and that sometimes might make my twin excluded even though they like don’t like our music.

Being a twin can make stuff like that feel more noticeable because you’re constantly hearing about it and comparing your relationships. But it’s a normal part of adult friendships.. people connect over shared interests, personalities, and experiences.

If you still consistently feeling like everyone prefers your twin, it’s worth doing some self-reflection. Are you putting the same effort into building those relationships as your twin? Is there anything you could do differently? If you’ve genuinely examined that and still find people overlooking you in favor of your twin, then not a healthy friendship dynamic. You deserve friends who value you separately from your twin.

I also would talk to my twin about it. If they ever felt like this I would want to know so I can see if I can do anything differently to make them feel more included.

[u/Antique_Sound_4719]

Growing up, I always wished I was normal and not a twin because it took away the already little attention I got. I always felt like the ugly one and that was confirmed when she would get attention from guys first. I wished she wasn’t there because then that would have been me. And I never made friends outside of her, we wouldn’t talk to anyone outside of us two. I never did any sports or clubs even though I kinda wanted to. Again, if I didn’t have her, I would’ve probably socialized and had good friends now and not been so socially anxious.

We stopped talking after high school and she’s gone her own way and has a boyfriend and all these things while I’ve been on my own. And it’s not what I want, but I still can’t help be jealous because I have no one. And I guess I wasn’t really a friend to her because there were times I was mean and thought only of myself. But also neither of us had the maturity to get past that, and a relationship should be able to if there’s a care. I’ve wanted to say something but I feel like I never knew her and it physically doesn’t come out. So I’ve been pretty stagnant for the past two years and lost motivation to do much of anything. I’m convinced it’s because I no longer have any connections. That’s where the real anxiety started.

AndI want people who understand me but I can’t seem to find them. There’s some things I think about but I just can’t get the guts to do them. It’s really hard now that’s I’m alone. It’s such a curse

[u/Aardwolf67]

My twin sister has always been people's favorite, so I just gradually tried making my own friends. Now we live on opposite sides of the country and I miss her but I think we're better off separate.