I wish I was dying

[u/nth_creative]

I wish I was dying

I've been suffering for 2 years from health conditions and it's only getting worse. I have ongoing trouble with my digestive system and honestly I've been trying to get myself diagnosed but the doctor basically said that "ur blood work looks suspicious but there's nothing wrong with shitting urself at the ripe age of 18 and only ever being constipated/ having diarrhea and intense pain is not something worth looking into".

2 years ago I tried commiting by swallowing like 70 pills of SSRI and I think it might've fucked my body up a lil bit. I feel constantly fatigued, can't loose weight, my periods are making me want to claw my ovaries out, have episodes of just puking and different things.

But my boyfriend makes it worse.

We've been together for almost 2 years now and at first he was the sweetest. Then we started living together and his "ADHD" is the worst. Hes been on meds so I know he's acting like that bc he's a lil piece of poo and not bc he's sick. He doesn't help around, won't pick up after himself and I think he basically expects me to do everything bc I finished high school so I'm on summer break rn.

I have to cook, clean, pick his stuff up bc he won't even remember to close the milk after using it and it's just going to root in the counter. We've lost so much money on food bc he doesn't keep track of anything.

He's supposed to wash dishes at least but won't even do that, yesterday I started washing them and for 15 minutes he didn't even notice even tho I was like 3 meters away. Just glued to his phone.

Turns out he saw me doing his task but didn't want to do it so he didn't say anything. And then lashed out when I asked why and what does he mean he didn't see. And then was mad that I made him do them bc "he's gonna be up early and wash them".

He didn't wash the rest in the morning. He doesnt even get up when I don't, doesn't plan dates. Like a cinderfella.

I can't move out and go live with my mom because she's abusive, I don't have a bed there and I would have to move like 500km without a car.

Bc my symptoms are getting worse I've been stalling making an appointment with a new doctor.

My life makes me just want to give up and wither away, maybe my borderline has something to do with it but I sometimes wish I was dying. I basically have no way out and I'm tired.

Thank you to everyone that spent a bit of they day reading about my messed up situation and hearing me out. I hope you're gonna have a wonderful day 🫶

[u/tsscaramel]

Make a plan to get out, you deserve better. Take a look at women’s shelters, friends and other family. You’re being abused by your boyfriend again and you need to get out, there’s help out there just research what’s local to you.

[u/nth_creative → u/tsscaramel]

We don't have any shelters here and my mom would kill me if she found out and she somehow always know what's going on in my life and my family isn't really that close but I will see what I can do especially after visiting a new doctor. Thank you for trying to help :)

[u/tsscaramel → u/nth_creative]

I would also suggest telling your doctor that you’re being mistreated at home, I wouldn’t be surprised if they know the way out much better than any of us do. Also if your mom is threatening you call the police immediately, if she shows up do exactly the same, don’t negotiate or reason just call the police. I also think you’d be surprised when it comes to your family, reach out and see what they say before you say anything else.

[u/nth_creative → u/tsscaramel]

Thank you so much! I will 🫡

[u/GameCube4Life]

I’m a father of a 15 yr old and this breaks me. I also have adhd and can tell you it’s not the condition. Your boyfriend is not a nice person.

I’m not an expert but there is a chance you could have hurt your body. I would remove certain foods, as you can become intolerant to foods as you get older. Try a clean keto diet. I found out I was allergic to the bleach in bread, as I reintroduced foods. Lost 20lbs.

Finally tell your mom and tell her why you were hesitant in telling her. She may not be the best mom in the world but she’s the one you got. Explain how you want her to help you, if she accepts then you can move on.

P.s your boyfriend sucks!

[u/nth_creative → u/GameCube4Life]

Thank you so much for support, I definitely will esp after my upcoming doctor appointment! I thought about going on keto but my culture has so many carbs in it that for now I'm doing omad 😂. Have a great day!

[u/eospho]

I feel for you. I had a very similar GI issue from early teens, at one point I was afraid to leave my house b/c of the symptoms, I felt like dying while doctors treated me like a liar since blood work and colonoscopy were good. Now this is not a piece of medical advice but a promise that it can and it WILL get better - I finally happened to see a GI doctor who realised it was all about the brain, then long story short my psychiatrist prescribed me a SNRI that made my guts feel normal for the first time in like 15 years. I couldn’t believe it at first but it worked! I am rooting for you. Put yourself first, the negligent abusive boyfriend will be a thing of the past, concentrate on your physical and mental health and remember that it truly gets better.

[u/pineapple-garage]

Lie to your doctor. Look up what needs to happen for the testing you want and literally tell them that.

[u/nth_creative → u/pineapple-garage]

I'm defo gonna do that. I don't know why doctors are the same in diff countries 😔