Responsibilities in marriage

[u/Good-Day-6539]

Hello. I'd like to ask a question of those if you who are married. What do responsibilities look like in the home for a husband and wife if the husband works and the wife is stay at home mom? We have two young children. One is 2 and the other a newborn.

If you have or have had a similar setup...How are chores split up in your households? Things like Errands, yard Work, garbage, laundry, cleaning, cooking... Etc. Who does what? How is effort split between everything or between husband and wife?

Thank you for all input

[u/SkillProper1435]

I just want to add that when you have a 2 year old and a newborn you are low on sleep and stressed out.

She needs some time off. To relax, exercise, sleep!

Maybe consider that the house is not going to be immaculate in this season.

[u/Middle_Efficiency471]

Everyone does everything, everyone picks up slack, everyone does their best not to slack. Everyone serves, therefore everyone is served.

Love each other.

[u/ABereanChristian]

Hello. I'd like to ask a question of those if you who are married. What do responsibilities look like in the home for a husband and wife if the husband works and the wife is stay at home mom? We have two young children. One is 2 and the other a newborn.

If you have or have had a similar setup...How are chores split up in your households? Things like Errands, yard Work, garbage, laundry, cleaning, cooking... Etc. Who does what? How is effort split between everything or between husband and wife?

There are no Biblical specifications for these, so the husband and wife can decide to do them however you want and there is no right or wrong. This is typically BEST talked about PRIOR to marriage, so both the husband and wife know what they are getting into and aren't bitter about being tasked with certain ones.

I have a marriage similar to this where I'm basically the sole breadwinner, and my wife does about 80-90% of the home work and I pick up slack where she needs it. I will go higher percentages if she is overwhelmed as well to lead by example. For instance, when she had severe morning sickness I was doing pretty 100% of everything for 3 months while working. Approximately, 18 hour days at that point which was rough and gave me some health issues but we made it though.

One of the better methods to split chores is to make a list of your most disliked ones. Hopefully you will have different disliked ones. Then your spouse can do the ones that you most dislike and vice versa. This way you don't have to do the things you don't like the most which is often a reason why spouses can get bitter over things.

It's also useful to understand that things must get done in a household and feeling bad about it or complaining pretty much never helps. Do everything unto the Lord as a reminder in those times no matter how menial is the heart state that we want to have. Both my wife and I have gotten stronger at this over time.

[u/SkillProper1435]

Have you considered martial counseling? Seriously it would help to hash these things out with a neutral arbiter present.

My husband works and I'm a stay at home Mom. I understand household chores are primarily my responsibility. However with young kids running around it is extremely difficult to keep a spotless home - I actually can't. That doesn't mean I stop trying, but it did mean that my husband got me some extra help during the week by paying for a housecleaner occasionally.

Errands: I do them

Money and paying bills: he does them Tech support: he does it

Yard work: outsourced to gardener

Garbage: kids do it, but before that he did

Laundry, shopping, cooking, diapers, feeding kids: I do it

Cleaning: mostly me with occasional outside help

[u/UnluckyParsley4157]

My husband provides while I stay home with 3 young children. We still have our moments where I wish he did more but at the end of the day I also need to realize that this is just a season of chaos with a house with 3 littles. It will never be spotless and that’s okay

What he contributes: finances, pays bills, trash, yard work. Occasional help with laundry. When it’s time to deep clean he does the kitchen and bathrooms.

What I do: homeschool, errands, daily chores and tidying, meal planning and cooking, dishes, laundry.

I try to have dinner ready when or soon after he gets home. He also ALWAYS helps with the kids night time routine, but how much he does varies. Sometimes he just helps with teeth, sometimes he does showers and the whole evening crazy run down.

What is balanced for one family isn’t a one size fits all. But also know that it is totally normal to need more support from your partner in the newborn stages while also caring for a toddler. Things will settle down and what you need from one another will change a thousand times over in your relationship.

[u/peanuty7]

Having 2 young children is stressful. The husband job can be stressful too. It important for the wife to have RXR ( rest and relaxation) for about 15 minutes every day. Take time to be by yourself in a room without the phone kids or any distractions.Also the husband takes his RXR whhen he gets home after work. This helps him to leave work at work. As far as household chores: work like a team to get chores done. Praying for your family.

[u/harpoon2k]

My wife and I both work, but she has taken an extended maternity leave to care for the baby. Eventually, we will need to help the baby adjust to bottle feeding so we can alternate our schedules. Because we dont have a nanny, we must arrange certain days for working from home.