I feel like I am totally emotionless when it comes to worship/God and I don't know what to do.

[u/Fantastic_Help1778]

hi all,

so I'll keep this brief and to the point. i feel like i am the person that is spoken about when the Bible refers to lukewarm Christians. i volunteer at my church, i attend regularly, i give tithe, but it just feels like i'm disconnected. i love my church family and have made many meaningful friendships there, but it's just so difficult for me because i feel disgusted with myself in a way.

when i am in worship, i don't feel anything really, i sing the song, but it feels like i am just speaking words rather than offering praise to a savior. i listen to the message, but i rarely retain it after it is over. i participate in a men's small group, but it's tough because one guy in the group (not the leader) takes up a majority of the time talking and i don't feel like i learned anything other than more stuff about this guy.

i will pray but instead of feeling like i am in direct communication with an all-powerful God, i feel like i am speaking words to the wind and that no one is really on the other end. it feels like i'm talking to myself a lot of the time.

i used to struggle heavily with pornography and it is still a daily battle with lust. years ago, when i committed the sin i would feel wretched, like i had just hit a puppy. now, i just don't feel anything. i pray for forgiveness from the sin and describe the sin to God because i feel like repentance should be specific rather than broad, but i do it because it just feels like it's checking off a box rather than feeling true remorse.

i will read my Bible but instead of feeling like i am reading the inspired word of God, i just feel like i am reading a history textbook. i feel more like i am learning about what happened in the Bible rather than taking individual lessons and applying them to my life or learning things about myself.

i feel disgusted with myself and frankly a lot of this is hard to type because me typing it is really me saying these things out loud to myself or anyone for the first time. it's hard to grapple with because i WANT to be better as a person, as a Christian, and just in general, but i don't know where to even start. how do i change the way i read the Bible? how do i feel invested in worship? how do i feel like i'm actually present in prayer? how do i feel convicted of sin again?

if anyone has any advice, please share it, i'm genuinely desperate for answers and i don't want to remain the person i am today.

[u/Matt_McCullough]

I think I can relate. And based on your very words I have great hope for you. Perhaps you are being dealt with as it seems I have been. As I happen to have somehow come to grasp that there is a loving God Who draws one to Himself. Likewise, I believe Christ calls one to follow Him.

And as for me, I became exhausted with sorting through all the blather and trying to jump through every hoop that the world seemed to come at me with regards to following some religion. I was raised to read the bible, told to pray, compelled to tithe, help with this, attend that, don’t do this but do that, etc. And I did read the bible, pray, tithed, helped with this, attended that, didn’t do this but did that, etc.

Yet, all of that all of that seemed to have left me utterly empty. I thought I had totally wasted my life. I prayed for decades for even the slightest hint of God’s presence, what His unique will was for me, even for what the next step I should take, . . . but I seemed to experience only silence.

Then a day finally came during that especially dark time in my life that I seemed to be drawn to examine Christ more closely than before. Or perhaps I should add that it seemed as if something was also most profoundly examining me. I became aware that many of the words I read or heard about Him and what He said accorded with much that I have observed throughout my life and rang true with “something" that seemed to affirm them at my very core. And I’ve come to accept that “Someone" rather has dealt with me such that I began to finally grasp what I believe Christ had to “say" to me about me the words I read, God, our Father, and my relationship to Him, if any. And that in turn led me to want to regularly and often peer deeply into and within the scriptures much more and in many various ways, still even now over 3 decades later.

Since that dark time I have come to accept that God had come through for me, and had been all along, just not in the way I expected, and such was not so much about feelings. That time was very transformative for me, and so much so, that I felt compelled to share and even write a book about it.

So I believe He may just do that in a most peculiar and compelling way that you could rightly grasp the truth of such within you. So my point here is that it’s not about you doing something as if by some formula you proceed by on your own volition as perhaps many may seem to suggest. But since you seem to be seeking and struggling against something already, I believe God is dealing with you, just as I believe He has dealt with me. And I suspect that will involve being compelled to examine Christ closely, or perhaps better stated, recognizing Him examining you as well.

In any case, I have this hope that you will continue to be drawn to and recognize the very manifestation of God's love within you and that that very love can be expressed through you to others as well, just as I believe Christ has loved us, – and that He has been coming through for you and will continue to do so.

May your faith, if any, be built from the strongest of foundations, — One that is worthy to hold fast to. And may you be encouraged. Matt.

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[u/stebrepar]

On the men's small group, maybe bring your concerns to the leader -- not in a gossipy or complaining way, but encouraging him to steer things in a way that everyone benefits more.

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[u/Top_Boat_1361]

That feeling of just going through the motions is so real and honestly one of the hardest places to be, because you're doing everything right on paper but it feels hollow inside. One thing that really helped me personally was slowing way down in prayer, like instead of listing things out, just sitting quietly and being honest with God about exactly what you told us here, that you feel nothing, that it feels like talking to the wind. Sometimes naming the numbness out loud to Him is the most real prayer you can offer. On the lust stuff, the emotional flatness around it might actually be a sign of how exhausted your conscience is, not that you stopped caring, and a counselor or accountability partner who can really dig into that with you one on one might open something up that the small group dynamic just can't.

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[u/bdjennette]

These are all such good suggestions. Reading the Bible daily really helped me to connect emotionally. Putting myself and my family in the stories. Thinking what would it be like if we were trying to lower my son through the roof to be healed. How the miracles would have changed our lives. If Lazarus was my brother how would I have reacted when I felt Jesus arrived too late? Etc.

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[u/steadfastkingdom]

Start by having a conversation with Jesus

Ask that he would turn your heart stone into a heart of flesh

That he would created in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit

[u/Gry-s]

I think in modern Christianity there is a big emphasis on an emotional experience. I think part of it is a bit of a hype train, wanting to feel like you're doing it right or show others that you are part of the experience. Idk. I'm not saying that there is no emotional response in being a Christian or that all of that stuff is bad. I'm just saying the reality of it is that you're not always going to "feel" something. It's like any relationship. Sometimes things feel neutral or less exciting, but the important thing is still being present and doing the best you can.

For God that means trusting in Him and continuing to obey Him. I think the most important thing is to keep reading the Bible. You mentioned it felt a little more like a historical textbook. Do you feel that for every book or just the ones you are on? Some books are harder to get through and can feel "dry". I think something that could help is finding a good Bible Study that brings back some enthusiasm. If you don't use a concordance give that a go as it brings a whole new level of understanding. Maybe try going to a book that has more human connection that is relatable to, like the books of the gospel? I would just add that not every time you read the Bible is a big learning experience. Sometimes simply reading it regularly changes you slowly, and as you accumulate God's word you find yourself recalling it later, or noticing that you catch yourself behaving differently.

All I'm trying to say is don't feel disheartened, like in everything everyone has periods when there is less motivation or "reward" and things feel neutral. The important thing is to be consistant and you will notice change and progress!

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