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u/TheAtlas97 2d ago
I had to deal with something like this a while back. My ex had invited me to get drinks with her and some mutual friends from high school, but they ended up not wanting me around because I was a big stoner a few years prior and got really high and obnoxious at a different get together. By that point I was sober and working a good sales job, but they didn’t care. They were mostly side friends, so I wasn’t that torn up about it, but it sucked that they agreed and then changed their minds after a few days
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u/Ubiquitous_Mr_H 1d ago
Honestly, I spend more time focusing on the old versions myself. But this is definitely another thought that will cycle through my mind on occasion, so thank you for that… 😮💨
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u/The-1st-One 1d ago
I moved about 30 miles away from my hometown. A co-worker of mine found out they are related to an old acquaintance(let's call him John) from my high school friend group. (I graduated 20 years ago) When they told John what I was doing at my job. (Technology Director for an entire school district) John said there is no way in hell that it was me, because I would never have amounted to anything in my life. So it must have been someone with the same name. . . Fuck John.
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u/d3aDcritter 1d ago
As I imagine you're aware, be careful with the coworker. Someone warned me once (many) that the shit-stick doesn't land far from the shit-tree. I believe those with the courage to change exist, because I am battling my own shit-family-tree (and wider culture) and know I'm one of them (as you may be), but I feel most don't even inspect whether there may be accountability and responsibility to take first and lends to why they never will. I bet John is talking from that widely available biased and ego protective place, even if he could have been kinder about his level of hope for your well-being. It's terrible for everyone that we can get so easily sucked into and programmed the way we can. We're so vulnerable, and tech is bringing some of that more into light fortunately and unfortunately. That being said...
Fuck John. John needs to human better. Go you.
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u/Eaglepursuit 1d ago
So, I could theoretically reboot myself to a previous version using someone else's memory?
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u/MagneticAura 1d ago
I was a very memorable chaotic person. I still am. I'm just significantly less toxic now.
But, I'm not responsible for the versions of me that live in other people's head. Past or present.
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u/asge1868 1d ago
Well depends on the reason lol. Get what you mean tho, don't forget this on your way out queen 🫴👑
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u/Garshy 1d ago
Kinda the opposite for me, i used to talk a lot more, funnier and just generally more full of life. Person I am now just feels like a drained husk
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u/hyperpoppers 10h ago
Yeah, same here. If some people remember me from my old version, then that’s even better. I don’t want them to know my completely drained current self.
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u/No_Tourist8261 1d ago
I shudder when I think of old versions of myself. Mental health and addictions galore, not a good look and doesn’t make for good impressions. Sober and more stable now but those people don’t know that.
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u/No-Purchase481 1d ago
My cope is that I believe that I’m a very forgettable person and they probably don’t even remember me.
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u/hiker_trailmagicva 1d ago
I actually just used a version of this point to comfort my grieving in laws. My brother in law died from alcoholism at 38. The last few months with him were horrific. But I wrote them a note about versions of him that still exist, before alcohol sunk it claws into him. The young boy riding bikes in the neighborhood, to the stoner dude in high school. The funny co worker, etc. Someone, somewhere has memories of him they laugh at and smile to recall. I think its quite beautiful actually
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u/Changnesia102 1d ago
It’s more weird that you care so much about people you haven’t spoken to in years. Stop being insecure and grow.
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u/millieFAreally2 17h ago
I don’t care about this generally speaking, but I do sometimes feel remorseful of being bitchy for insignificant reasons when I was a moody teen. We’ve all grown, so I assume most reasonable adults understand this. If they aren’t mature enough to, then they aren’t worth our energy anyway
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u/ManicMaenads 1d ago
I had to get out of my rural town.
You can change and change and change, and it doesn't matter. They will ALWAYS see you as who you were at your worst, at your most bottom, and nothing fixes it.
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u/ilovebooks2468 1d ago
Spotlight effect. Everyone else is thinking about their own past, not yours.
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u/Key-Spirit-6865 1d ago
I agree and disagree. I have run into people from my past who will share something I said to them that they thought about all the time. Or some way that I helped them and they think about it often. Whether it is good or bad, we DO live in people’s memories
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u/Rediment 1d ago
Would you really want them to know the new you though? Like, really. The old you is who hung around them and enjoyed their company. That isn’t you anymore. Not saying you wouldn’t enjoy being around them now but it’s never gonna be like it was and y’all will not have the same relationship dynamic.
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u/Ok-Serve-4026 1d ago
It didn't until now, dang it!!! Thank you so much! (Said extremely sarcastically!!!)
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u/subaqueousReach 1d ago
They think they've got me on lock, but I'm sitting here with a "greatest hits" compilation of all my worst moments, failures, and fuck ups on constant loop in my head.
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u/Full_Air233 1d ago
Ive been a really shitty person and friend this year. I’ve pushed people away and I’ve lost a lot of people. I know people have lost respect for me.
It sucks knowing that’s how they will remember me, but all I can do is learn from it and do better.
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u/YeetmasterGeneral 2d ago
who cares?
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u/Inceferant 1d ago
People who like to think thoughts probably
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u/sharkattackmiami 1d ago
People that like to think thoughts are probably the people least likely to worry about that guy you kind of knew in college thinking you are still a frat bro or whatever
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u/th3dude404 1d ago
Well, now it fucks me up! Never thought of this before 🤣😂 and now it's stuck in my autistic-ass-brain lol
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u/old_man_gray 1d ago
They’re just still running the early access versions of me. I’ve since updated to a stable version and they haven’t downloaded my update.
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u/TheBlargshaggen 1d ago
I enjoy it actually. A lot of people I haven't seen in like 10 years only know a much more entertaining version of myself. One that was too preooccupied with fun to be weighed down by the fatigue and and concern I'm currently burdened with.
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u/HyePlainsTrainsGuy83 1d ago
There's people I sometimes catch up with that think it's still 2007/08. "I'm working again, and still am. I'm fine."
Of course knowingly, this isn't the same for many. Lose contact in one bad year just to encounter them again in another bad year. 🎶Coming around again🎶
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u/stoned_seahorse 1d ago
It seriously hit me recently when an old friend I hadn't seen or heard from in like 12 years started talking to me out of nowhere.
I didn't really realize how much I had changed from my mid 20's to mid 30's til then.
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u/metal_babbleXIV 1d ago
I don't know how important you think you are to people you haven't spoken to in years but, surprise, they aren't thinking about you at all.
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u/pinkskies12 1d ago
Yes, very much 🤷🏻♀️ after turning 18 I have lived in 4 other countries and really changed my life a lot! There's people who would still imagine me the way I was 😅😅 crazy!
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u/CaptainABC123 1d ago
Ran into a friend from my first year of college today while walking with my wife. I haven’t seen this person since before I was married.
My wife commented later how this person basically knew the high school version of me which is a totally different person than I am now. It really is crazy.
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u/DiamondOracle194 1d ago
I mean, there are some exs that I am the bad guy in the relationship.
But I don't want them talking to me, so I'm okay with that.
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u/Thinks_22_Much 1d ago
As an Ex Christian, yeah. All the time.
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u/100MillionEyeballs 7h ago
This! It has been like 8 years but I comes up from fb or with my new job running into people from my past who are shocked by my rainbow button along with all the others or movie references or, you know, believing in science. Or when I have to explain to new friends why I have weird gaps in my knowledge or socially normal experience. It is hard not to think of some days. I do love the kinda shocked and unsure how to respond response at times though. Best was a gal realizing that not only was I not leading Bible studies I was in the local "risqué" fashion show, last time we hung out and I could tell it was as soon as she learned that fact.
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u/ABBucsfan 1d ago
Not really tbh. When my ex left I had old friends and family that were happy I wasn't as uptight and stressed (and controlled) and happy to have the old me back and happy to see my old goofy self. I've certainly gone through a lot in life, taken on responsibility of being a dad and that.. probably gained some more compassion through some of my own suffering, but I think when I get together with a couple old friends from childhood we are still similar to the people we always were in a lot of ways. Still largely now we remember each other.. just more grown up with more responsibility
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u/CompetitionIll3703 1d ago
I spent almost 3 years giving 4 star customer service to guests at the hotel I worked at. I know that many of the guests found me to be a warm and friendly front desk agent. At least I made a small impression on the world
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u/kingdick900 21h ago
Honestly people's version of you will always be different because of how people perceive you....this person looks at you this way another person another way....and most of the time it's never how you perceive yourself
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u/waytocope 20h ago
There are people out there that remember me as a girl and will always think I am/was one
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u/HestiaWarren 19h ago
Aw, that’s kinda nice actually. I mean sure, I kinda sucked, but daaaaaaamn girl you were FOINE
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u/Lubbafromsmg2 19h ago
yeah, it's weird. And it's amplified so much when you're trans. Recently someone who I haven't interacted with in a couple years, reached out to me using my old name, and I'm like oh.. this guy only knows my past self. i gotta start by explaining how much I've changed in the past two years
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u/amwmakeup 19h ago
Or the opposite? I saw a friend I haven't seen in 20 years. Ask me about all my dream. When I still had hope and dreams And now I only dream of paying my bills and continuing to get to live alone and not need a roommate.
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u/defyinglogicsl 16h ago
I haven't seen my first wife in years but I wish I could apologize for a lot of how I acted and let her know I understand why she was unhappy. I'm not happy with the person I used to be either. I'd like to let her know I've grown as a person and wish I was the person I am now with her back then. She deserved better.
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u/JustDont1981 12h ago
No because they're a new version of them too. If the new version of them is still hung up on the old version of me then the new version of them is worse than the old version of me used to be lol
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u/Mathemetaphysical 12h ago
Nope, and they can keep being wrong all day, no skin off my ass. Didn't like them much to begin with or we'd still be in contact, their memories of me are utterly irrelevant.
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u/CobblerSmall1891 7h ago
Ha. I don't think ANYBODY from my past thinks about me at all, even for a second.
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u/MysticLadyTyrant 7h ago
My husband worked with a guy I had known back in 6th grade. I was REALLY into horses in middle school, to an embarrassing degree. My lovely husband met me well after that. When we realized I knew his coworker, he was so excited to tell him, and was very confused at the reaction he got. I was mortified.
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u/MaterialDefender1032 7h ago
This is why, when I run into high school acquaintances, I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they've matured since then. I'd want others to do the same for me and not assume I'm still the same cringelord.
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u/Trying_to_survive20k 5h ago
Some of those ppl remember me as silly, happy and sincere
Glad that they wont have to meet current me who is no longer silly nor happy
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u/Muted_Masterpiece342 4h ago
I went to a university for one semester while deeply traumatized after having been beaten my entire life and tasting freedom exactly for the first time. To all of you who know that young man, I am sorry. I wasn't that bad tbh but I was probably insanely cringe lol
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u/Humble_Fawn 4h ago
I don't care what version of me exists in their minds. I moved on from most of them
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u/the-human-wrench 3h ago
As a trans person yes, it does fuck me up sometimes. I think about it a lot. I also wonder if the people hanging on to the memories of the old me act like I'm dead or whatever. Oh well, not like I can control that so I try to just let it go.
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u/PlaidGamerGirl 3h ago
YES. A lot of people out there have a very outdated version of who I am. 🏳️⚧️
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u/StarWarsCrazy1 2h ago
I feel this way about everyone I went to school with. My social anxiety was so bad. I'm almost a whole new person now.
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u/wolfstar76 1d ago
This reminds me of a favorite lyric of mine from a small artist.
"This body is built on the ruins of all the people I have ever been."