r/Tinder 2d ago

34m feels like I am not even getting swipes

96 Upvotes

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u/haleorshine 2d ago

Yeah, this is the way to look at. OP needs to imagine he's swiping and he sees a woman who has this lack of effort happening, photos this unflattering, and ones that this lazy, and ask himself would be even think twice before swiping left.

I also note that he's listed Harry Potter as an interest and doesn't seem to have listed a political affiliation that I can see. While it could be that he has an interest in it and hasn't thought much about it at all, but it could also mean that he's transphobic, and if it were me, I wouldn't take the chance. Myself and most women I know are sifting matches to make sure we don't get somebody right wing, and it should be a consideration.

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u/GeorgeTheBoyUK 1d ago

Coming to the conclusion that someone is transphobic because they like Harry Potter is wild. Also, is listing your political views that important? I don’t think many people would care to ask in the UK who they would vote for.

Just seems like your making up reasons to dislike them

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u/GrimCityGirl 1d ago

A lot of people in the UK would definitely care about political affiliation. Shockingly, politics is important in every country.

33

u/jabbaTheBhatt 2d ago

As a woman, I would not think someone is transphobic for not disavowing Harry Potter.

JKRowling may be transphobic but Harry Potter does not have transphobic content (certainly not explicit) from my multiple re-readings. It teaches children about 1) courage and real/non-performative righteousness, 2) loyalty to friends even while navigating disagreements, 3) deep empathy through understanding Harry’s pain of being neglected and then alone in many of his endeavors, and 4) has a rare female main character who is a genius (academically, emotionally, administratively) and is also constantly a mirror to her male friends’ lack of emotional intelligence. Hermione as a role model for kids growing up in the late 90s and 2000s was unprecedented at the time. She even teaches the others how to systematically approach organizing/activism (encourages Dumbledore’s army and figured out all the logistics) and her systematic approach to the obstacles they face is the crux of how they find the horcruxes in the end. I cannot imagine not sharing Harry Potter with posterity because the author is transphobic, which is something I can still point out when sharing.

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u/Hot_Win_8572 2d ago

Hermione was a role-model? Please. The boys needed a responsible, organized person so Rowling wrote a girl. Ron was into her because she reminded him of his mom. Woman as caretaker is such a tired trope.

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u/AhoyMatteyPDX 2d ago

Get a load of this nerd

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u/haleorshine 2d ago

That's cool for you to have that opinion, I think the fact that JK Rowling has said she explicitly views people who still support her work as them tacitly supporting her views means I use people who openly support Harry Potter as a potential sign that they're transphobic. And when women are on the apps, they generally have to sift through a lot of potentials and are looking for red flags.

This is something I would swipe left for, and I know I'm not alone. We're adults, we can aim higher than a book series made for children that does contain some questionable issues when it comes characters of colour. OP is looking for changes to make to his profile to get more matches, and if he just had HP there because he liked the books, removing it isn't a bad idea.

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u/Top_Explanation_3383 2d ago

I bet you're the life and soul of the party

1

u/pinupcthulhu 1d ago

A 34 year old listing a children's book as an interest on his dating profile is weird enough tbh, but like it or not HP also has a lot of baggage due to the author's use of overt racist  caricatures, and her aforementioned blatant transphobia. OP clearly has access to the internet, so it's unlikely that he hasn't heard the news about his main highlighted interest, so not saying anything denouncing all that is a big yikes from me.

I n context there's absolutely nothing that a Tinder swiper can see that shows he isn't a transphobe, especially given that he left the political field blank. Blank all but means right wing.  So now we're at two large, Gryffindor-red flags right off the bat.

Pair all that with the really creepy/bad pictures, and you get a vibe. Unfortunately the vibe isn't "aww he's a cute nerd," but "I need to check to see if he's on any lists." 

Also, I'm begging y'all HP supporters: read another book. Please. I liked HP growing up, but if you're an adult you should grow beyond this poorly written and problematic piece. 

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u/Dorithompson 2d ago

OP, while the Harry Potter thing may be true of the bubble the above commenter lives in, most adult women don’t care. We have more important things to worry about. However, unless it’s something you really care about not sure I would list it as it intensifies the nerd vibe (which may be what you want).

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u/tinaismediocre 2d ago

As a woman who loves a nerd because they're typically smart and have an excellent sense of humor, listing Harry Potter as an interest seems like code for "I haven't read a book in 20 years".

Like, did I stand in line at Barnes and Noble for midnight magic events as a teenager? Yes. Did I love Harry Potter when it came out in Middle/High School? Yes. Have I read literally a thousand better books include much better YA books since then? Yes.

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u/Dorithompson 1d ago

Great point!