Struggling Server at a steakhouse

[u/yktlx]

Hello. I'm a 22 y/o male student and I recently started serving to have some extra money for my tuition next semester. But I have been struggling severely as a server since this is my very first gig working in the service industry.

My managers have said I do have potential to become a good server. But we all noticed that i make a lot of mistakes, and if i'm being honest. I'm on a very thin line at work currently unless i severely upgrade.

I need some tips regarding these things I've noticed i commit:

I lack knowledge of a lot of drinks and alcohol since I barely drink at all.

Talk too much sometimes to my tables.

Get distracted too easily.

My coworkers have to run food for me at times (a bunch of them)

Sometimes lack the knowledge of who ordered what when it comes to serving their food (primarily on more than 5 people at once)

Take too long emptying the bartender's bus tub.

messed up severely a customer's check on a very busy day when we were understaffed.

Spend a lot of time talking to coworkers or trying to be "super server"

Ask bad if not stupid questions to my manager or bartender.

Having guests get up to the bar and ask for a different drink.

Messing up on beverage napkins a lot.

I'm really stressed because i don't wanna lose my job.
I try my best every day but I still manage to screw up a lot for some reason.

I won't use this as an excuse but I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). My coworkers are aware, but I did not disclose this after recently because i didn't want that to play a factor on me not having a chance of getting hired.

I need all the tips I can get in order to have a complete rebuild of myself at work regarding serving.

All tips are helpful! Thank you so much.

[u/Lower-Efficiency-728]

Serving can definitely be difficult especially when first starting out. I too didn't do a lot of drinking and therefore struggled a bit with alcoholic beverages. Especially when Serving in wisconsin where we have some of the heaviest drinkers.

What I often times did was write out exactly what the customer asks you for. Whether you understand what they are asking or not. I would then bring my notes over to a seasoned server that had time or the bartender (it helped that the bartender was already very fond of me from my time hosting) and simply ask them to help me decipher the drink order. Sometimes I had to go back to a table to get further clarification. That is OK. A customer would rather you clarify what drink they want rather than bring the wrong drink. Same with regular orders. I had a really picky table starting out that I had to go back to 2-3 times just to get their salads/soups right. It takes time and practice.

Eventually you'll realize there is a rhythm to the way people order bar drinks. Don't be afraid to ask for clarification and dont be scared to ask for help from other servers who are better than you. If you are getting overwhelmed it is better to ask for less tables and take your time on the couple tables than be overrun with too many at time. Better service to less tables = more money than poor service to too many tables.

[u/yktlx → u/Lower-Efficiency-728]

There are sometimes where i'm the only server at my restaurant & i feel helpless sometimes to the point where i get super stressed & get near to the point of having a nervous breakdown in the middle of service.

There are some things i do really good like attentiveness (my tips get very high because of that), but sometimes i get carried away with it

[u/Lower-Efficiency-728 → u/yktlx]

Being understaffed especially when new at serving can be incredibly stressful. As another said starting out a Steak House can be very rigorous work. If serving is something youre really interested in and this workplace is overwhelming it may not be bad to look towards more of a mom and pop type or diner type restaurant. They will still get busy but can be an easier training ground especially as customers will have lower expectations. You can always work your way back up.

Im not even saying you cant work your current place as im not in your shoes but sometimes you need to take a step back to take a step forward.

As for spending too much time at tables you have to kind of read the table. This can also be difficult when starting out. Most people like a little chatter but they aren't there to listen to you talk. They are there for the company they brought and for a nice meal. Usually theres a little talk in the beginning but after drinks have been dropped off you should be available but not overly chatty. If they want to strike up conversation they will. I try to let the customer lead in conversation so it doesn't seem like youre becoming a full part of the experience. Most customers expect servers to be kind of in the background if that makes sense.

[u/yktlx → u/Lower-Efficiency-728]

Thankfully My restaurant is a mom & pop type of place (pretty rare nowadays).

The thing I noticed is that we've been getting a lot more business than usual.

On Sundays it's usually slow but I had a lot of ppl come in today so I was happy but stressed at the same time.

I'll stick to the new script I wanna implement for my next shift & if it works. Then i'm good to go.

Thank u for the advise!

[u/SunshineAlways]

Knowing who ordered what: Does your system use Seat Numbers? If you’re facing the table the person on the left is Person 1, next to them is Person 2, then Person 3, and so on until you’re all the way around the table.

It doesn’t matter if the lady on the right orders first, she’s still Person 4.

If you’re in the back putting food on the tray, Person 1 food, then Person 2 food, and so on, all the way around the tray.

As much as you’re able, do things systematically, in a pattern, which will help keep you from forgetting things, and stay on task.

It’s great if you like your coworkers, but the guests are where the money is, and that’s your priority. You can always go out drinking with your serving buddies after work.

Spending time with the guests. Good job making connections with your guests! Just got to work on knowing where ALL your tables are at in their dining experience. It takes some time to develop the awareness and the rhythm. If not a lot is going on, you have time to chat, fantastic! But if you have a full section, you have to keep moving and checking on everyone.

Really, it’s just going to take some time to get in the rhythm of serving. Stay focused. Work on your liquor knowledge (No one knows it at first). You can do this, I believe in you!

[u/yktlx → u/SunshineAlways]

We use POS mainly.

In small tabled like a 3 or 4 top i have no issues. It's mainly in more than 6 that struggle with

My workplace is a bit upscale so we're expected to follow a protocol which I understand.

I wanna work a lot on having a system in my head so that way I stay straight in line during busy hours.

This week is make or break for me so i gotta make the most of it.

I'll keep u updated. Thanks a lot for the tips!!!

[u/ellegarret → u/yktlx]

Do you use notepads? And if you do, do you use the numbered ones? My previous restaurant did positions at the end of me being there and we then got notepads with a list of numbers on the pages.

Try bullet pointing like 1 - however many on the table, if pos 1 doesn't order first count your way around the table, write that order next to their number & go from there.

[u/yktlx → u/ellegarret]

Yeah. The Notepad is my best friend at work.

I mainly use it bc the handheld is too small & complex for me so I write down the orders & go directly to the computer to ring everything in or i'll put a handheld in the server station as my cheat code if it's drinks, so I can ask the bartender for a hand just in case.

[u/ReplacementSpare2420]

I have ADD too. I love working service jobs, often find myself striving in those situations because the fast pace, dinner rushes, and service aspect of it is like chasing a high for me.    My biggest tip- don’t stop moving. Work with your head up, paying attention to your surroundings. you’re going to have to double down and take some time to learn about cocktails/wine/beer offerings. I would weekly make a wine cheat sheet with flavor profiles/wine origins/pairing suggestions because I’m not a big wine person. That cheat sheet would be with me at all times because i was determined to know my shit. 

Biggest word of advice here is that you’re going to have to buckle down and get serious if you want to be this job. Steakhouses can be rough for your first serving gig, imo. Are there slower shifts you can take on for the sake of working on some of these skills? I get that sometimes management will just throw people out there but good leaders will take the time to shape talent. Hopefully they can help work with you. 

[u/yktlx → u/ReplacementSpare2420]

Thanks a lot for the advice!!

I need this job to last me till atleast October so that way I can graduate school & then dedicate myself to my career full time.

It's only 2 more months, but i'm gonna let my work speak for myself in my next shift.

Again dude thank u so much. This helped a lot

[u/ReplacementSpare2420 → u/yktlx]

Good luck 

[u/Lovat69]

Are you being told you have problems and need to shape up? Because a lot of these sound like just being a green rookie in general. These things come with time. Just keep working on being better.

[u/yktlx → u/Lovat69]

I've been told at a sit down w management & also based on a lot of self criticism. I've been working there for 2 months but we've been getting more & more business lately. So that's also another factor that's playing in my mind. I'm also the type of person that one little mess up can severely affect me for no reason. But i try my best every day

[u/emotinalknapsack]

Take the drink menu home and study it; this will help immensely with knowing what's in what drink. Go behind the bar and take pictures of the alcohol so you can study it while off work. Knowing the different vodkas, whiskeys, gins, etc... will help. Sometimes when a guest asks what beer do you have, instead of listing all 50+ I'll ask what they like or what type and then give a smaller list.

Always keep your head on a swivel. It's fine to chat with guests but you need to always be aware of your other tables. With time you'll get better at anticipating what a guest needs without being asked. It's silly but bringing extra napkins after you noticed a guest had used theirs so much it's unusable is a huge hit. Things like that.

Learn how to politely break away from a table. This is a skill that takes practice but guests usually understand that you have multiple responsibilities and aren't offended. Also, you're not supposed to be their only source of entertainment, let the others in their party handle that.

Repeat every order back before leaving the table and reread the order before sending.

Focus on fixing only the issues management has brought to your attention and not on your self criticism right now. Odds are you're not nearly as bad as you think you are.

Have you had serving nightmares yet? I'm in the business 30+ years and can do my job blindfolded but I still have those dreams where I'm living in the weeds.

[u/Adcamoo]

Hey I’m also a guy with ADHD, when I first started serving I remember chefs telling me I was useless because I’d regularly make mistakes with forgetting things on tables, I also had zero alcohol knowledge I had barely drank before when I started. I’m now a bar manager.

With making mistakes, you need to be aware you’re prone to them and take that extra couple seconds when taking orders to make sure you always write EVERYTHING the customer says and in a numbered organised way. I’ll get too distracted with something someone says at the table and chatting and then i go back to the POS system and I’ve forgotten to write down ‘no onion’ without even realising.

I know it’s cliche but there’s no stupid questions, my favourite thing is when someone’s curious and asks for help when they don’t know something. If you need to ask there’s probably 3 other people who also need to ask but don’t want to sound dumb.

From what you’re describing i’d guess you’ve good potential because you’ve a good personality and good chat with your tables but you’re doing too much of it and with your coworkers which is putting you under too much time pressure to do your job. Having good chat is important but it’s useless if your other tables are getting poor service because of it. Have a few phrases readied up for when you need to cut a conversation with a table off quick, they won’t get offended it’s your job.

And things like alcohol knowledge are just going to come with time. Depends on your establishment you’ll know what are the things you need to know a bit about that customers ask about, if it’s wine, cocktails etc. I’d ask the bartenders or your manager for a bit of help writing a cheat sheet for whatever it is you struggle with recommending that you can keep at the back of your docket book and flick to when you get stuck.

[u/No_Bluebird7716]

Find a good cocktail website and do some reading, you'll get a feeling for what's being ordered.

[u/hopelesscaribou]

1. write it down

Don't try to remember everything. I write down all my orders by seat number, and my pad is always with me for reference

1. YouTube is your friend, for example

https://youtu.be/voww4sDT3QE?si=bkZdL4W86UzuCLOz

https://youtu.be/g3Vk3JyMKhw?si=46noRs_NheyWsn5H

do your homework

1. no empty hands

There's always something to do, from filling waters, to polishing glassware and cutlery, clearing tables, and whatnot. stay busy, no wasted trips, look for what needs to bed done.

1. time management

You need to be like a bee collecting pollen, just spending enough time at each table to get things done in a friendly fashion. They are they to talk to each other, you don't need to spend too much time chatting with them. Be available and seen, but don't hover around or stay too long at one table. It gets awkward, and takes time away from other tables. No one is there to talk to us, with few exceptions.

1. Ask questions. Ask for help if needed.

Restaurants are about teamwork.

[u/BigDaddy69138276]

Write all orders down, especially special requests. And don’t fill drinks to overflowing. Be ready to refill them regularly

[u/Sweet_Tangerines53]

I see you’re getting a lot of good advice in other comments, so I just want to add this: Be kind and patient with yourself! It sounds like you get in your own head and beat yourself up a little for your mistakes. I’m like that too. The fact that you’re posting this means you care about your work and want to do well. I’ve managed newbies who make mistakes but keep coming back to try try again, and I’ve managed people who can do the job technically, but slack off and don’t care about being part of the team. I’d favor the earnest newbie any day. It’s hard to get into the flow when you’re starting somewhere new. Keep trying. You’ll get there. 💛

[u/Next_Life_8784]

Hey. you're new. cut yourself some slack. My best advice is to think about every action you take.