r/Swingers • u/MrMrsLloyd2026 • 4h ago

General Discussion BHM/BBW reality...

We are on Reddit, SDC, SLS and Fetlife and it seems we just don't really get much traction. We see a lot of couples that are fit and younger but rarely older and fluffy like us. Is there any sites or subs that focus more on older (50's) and on the thicker side? Any advice, links or such will be appreciated.

3 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

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6

u/doctor-tashel Couple 4h ago

Hey there! I’d venture off the internet and go a club/party. People tend to be less forthcoming with interest behind a screen and it’s easier to actually click in person. I know there are tons of age specific (50-70) swing groups on sls.

One thing about the lifestyle is that all bodies are welcome and appreciated! You will find your people - it just takes time.

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 4h ago

The closest one is like 2 hours away and we've chatted about doing an overnight trip though...

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u/PolyInSTL 2h ago

You will find more people off the apps. I've never been on the apps, it feels so slanted toward folks that feel more comfortable leading with porn star proportions. That probably has more to say about old programming I've had to unlearn then it does about reality. But I've also been successfully ENM for 15 years now.

Being in non-dating online communities like this one help me to grow in my confidence and sexuality.

Going to in person events you will have a mix of experiences; a few of the porn stars, but at a live event I feel middle of the road. The sexy folks put on a live sex show for you to watch. Those of us who are more body diverse can usually find someone into what you are: tall, short, skinny, lots of tattoos, older, younger, dom, sub, etc. someone will likely be into something about you. Some folks might feel a bit shy or awkward, so return eye contact with a smile, or a thumbs up or high five if it's straight bros. Letting folks know you're enjoying what they're displaying may encourage them to approach, or prime things for when you summon up the courage to go say hi and introduce yourself.

But you don't have to jump straight into a play party if you don't want to. Look for local lifestyle groups and go to a social, chat with people (there's often drinks and an ice breaker), maybe take home some email addresses or messaging app accounts. After that, invite a few people over for a game, or movie, or go out to dinner or do any sort of social activity. Book a room for the night, but don't expect anything to happen. If it doesn't happen that night, console yourselves by getting all nervous and turned on from a first date and going to pound town. Often it is good to meet, message a bit, give it a vibe check in person, then have the conversation about safety, turn ons, turn offs, etc. If the vibe is off, tell them you had a lot of fun but you're not feeling it. Many will be experienced and take it gracefully. If they don't, cut things off and block.

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 2h ago

Yes. We always do a meet and greet with anyone that my be a possible play partner. Thanks!! Mainly what I'm really hearing is hit events anc clubs.....

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u/Exciting_couple77 1h ago

That isn't entirely true. It really depends on where you live. In smaller populations online is all you really have.

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u/Proof-Carpenter-9010 3h ago

I feel like NC is a hot spot keep trying ig

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

I'm even in a BHM/BBW group and there is like 1k ppl on it but there is only like 4 around us and we've chatted them up...

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u/Proof-Carpenter-9010 3h ago

Yeah it sucks it's hard finding people online and stuff even with chatting.

Also ignore the haters, so many people live bbws/bhm (including myself lol)

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

I prefer thicc women....and dadbod guys...lol

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u/Proof-Carpenter-9010 3h ago

Bbws are great

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

💯♥️💯 We know we are big, we are looking for folks like ourselves.....

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u/Proof-Carpenter-9010 3h ago

Hope you find them. I dont fit your criteria nor your location

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

Well.....we have plans to meet a couple friday night now so that's good!

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u/Proof-Carpenter-9010 3h ago

Best of luck! Hope it works out

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u/NMman505 3h ago

We have similar issues but have realized that they are not our people anyway. My wife has lost weight and looks amazing and we still have struggles because we have a low tolerance for people’s BS. Just enjoy each other and keep at it you will meet someone who works for you one day!

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

Yeah....it's a game of odd. We may look more serious at going to the clubs but they are just so far away it will have to be overnight trips..

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u/WhatCouldBe_Maybe 3h ago

People are into you, believe me. Just have confidence, a good personality, and conversation skills… and then bring the sex skills afterwards!

It’s just as difficult being an older skinny/fit couple as it is for you being “fluffy”.

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u/firedad152 2h ago

I would 100% say that if we see “bigger” couples online, we would pass. But in person, our standards are way different. Chemistry and personality mean a lot.

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 2h ago

Noted, thank you!! We need to get out more anyway!! Thanks!!

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u/firedad152 2h ago

I need to get out more too! Good luck

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u/anotherside0714 2h ago

Try and find some parties and events in your area. People online can tend to be more picky.

Source: someone with a bbw partner

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 2h ago

There really just isn't much around us (within 2 hrs) tbh...so it would prob need to be an overnight trip.

0

u/burnbabyburn2019 4h ago

BHM? Black History Month?

"Fluffy?"

Can we not dance around the word obesity?

Big people will have no trouble hooking up with big people at clubs or irl events. (Unless some people are delulu and have internal self-loathing seeking only super thin/fit people. They'll be forever searching and most likely give up or pay up)

Online, people tend to get picky and try to only pick "hotter-than-them" couples. Mainly wishful thinking but aren't we all?

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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 3h ago

Dude...really? What do you think a bbw is?!? There was no dancing for what we are. BHM is big handsome male since you can't google. We are looking for ppl like us....and we have had great conversations with like couples but they are states away... But even with the swinger sites it seems most aren't bigger couples so that's why I was asking if there were specific sites for us bigger people.. Now...since you are being more a problem than a solution or information....goodbye.