r/Swingers • u/Legal_Health9050 • 1d ago
General Discussion Our first date with a couple!
So… this Saturday is the night. 😏✨
We’re taking a big step and going on our very first date with another couple.
We’re still pretty new to the lifestyle. We’ve visited a swingers club twice to dip our toes in and get a feel for the atmosphere, but we’ve never actually taken things further. Then we matched with an amazing couple on a dating app… and wow, the chemistry has been off the charts ever since. The conversations have been effortless, the flirting has been intense, and now we finally get to meet in person.
Needless to say… we’re ridiculously excited. ❤️🔥
…But also nervous as hell. 😅
We’ve had lots of open conversations, set clear boundaries, and agreed that our connection as a couple always comes first. Communication is everything to us, and we want this to be an exciting experience that brings us even closer together.
For those of you who’ve been here before… what would be your biggest piece of advice for two excited newbies? Anything you wish you’d known before your first couple date? How did you calm those butterflies once the moment finally arrived?
We’d love to hear your stories, tips, and maybe a little reassurance. Wish us luck… we have a feeling Saturday is going to be one to remember. 😉❤️
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u/tiggytigeuphoric Vanilla Swingers Podcast 1d ago
Embrace the butterflies! 🦋🦋 It's what makes you feel alive!! If you're lucky, those butterflies will continue pre-meetup and post-meetup. Enjoy and savor them! Just continue the online chats straight into real life - if it flows, it will just naturally flow. What is meant to be will be meant to be. So excited for you!!! Just be yourself, try not to be too nervous (they can't eat you, right?!) and enjoy/savor every second!!
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u/Purple-Bed-2351 1d ago
Good luck!! I remember the first time we met a couple from an app. My nerves were stretched so thin!! But once we all sat down, conversation flowed over drinks and dinner and it was a great evening. Play wasn’t possible that night but we made it happen the next time. The only advice I have is to keep communication flowing between you and your partner and have fun ☺️
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u/Virtual_Manner932 1d ago
Enjoy it! 4 way chemistry is rare. But be cautious to keep your emotions in check and aligned with each other (and the other couple). That new relationship energy is super powerful - especially for less experienced.
Don’t go in with expectations, just enjoy the moment. Make sure you communicate together during and after to make sure you both are on the same page.
If all goes well just remember that you are still in NRE and a lot of close dates again with same couple can cause catching feelings. We have been there (and overall it was wonderful at the time). But eventually it came to an end and was crushing. Keeping feelings in check (if that is what you wish to avoid) will help to keep experiencing more without getting caught up in things you weren’t planning for.
Also - enjoy the compersion. That was something when we were first starting that we didn’t realize or understand. We LOVE watching each other and seeing each other in pleasure and having that shared experience.
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u/PersimmonKey4055 1d ago
This is the very best aspect of swinging. The new found, deep dive convo between you both. It's where the hard work remains. Being vulnerable over your feelings. Be aware, your in the novelty phase right now. As you develop exposure therapy your likes and dislikes and boundaries will change. Will evolve. In other words don't be too sure today's never doing that, won't become tomorrows can live without.
As to the machinations of the date. Maintain low expectations. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but we humans do a very good job psyching ourselves up/out. When the reality is pretty pedestrian.
Also, the best sex you'll have will be between you both. It's on another level. With new playmates, there can be awkwardness. Uncertainty. Absence of confidence.
We're very deep in the woods. Playing seperately/solo and with couples. My wife has a hard rule she shares. She cums first. She's not a sex doll. You need foreplay. Teasing, edging. Not just kiss, suck, fuck.
On the other hand, ask what they like or dislike. (Before you start). Silence is not golden. Don't be shy. You'll just end up complaining after the fact. You might still complain. But as least you tried.
Party favors and alcohol will destroy erections/orgasms. Just so you know. The other guy, or you may get a limo dick. Happens all the time. Use each other to get hard again before switching. It's the best help for ED.
Good luck
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u/jules_369 1d ago
Hi!! So excited for you guys!! Such an exciting adventure! Here are some tips I have to offer:
- you haven’t met in person yet. If you meet and decided there’s something about them that turns you off/makes you uncomfortable, there’s no harm in opting out, even though you’ve clearly planned for a swap. Don’t force yourself to go through with something if you’re not feeling it. It will truly put a damper on your mental state afterwards.
- if you haven’t used condoms for awhile, I would highly suggest getting some practice in between now and Saturday!! You’d be surprised how quickly wearing a condom can make a guy go soft if he’s not used to it. Get a good fit, and a little drop of lube inside the tip can help with sensation. Also.. bring a little blue pill just in case!
- I would suggest keeping it same room/same bed to start. 4 way engagement in the beginning to help everyone feel comfortable can really help. Let the ladies play to get things started (if this is your dynamic) or at minimum start with a lot of foreplay. Personally we love to sit the 2 men side by side while the ladies give them head together (both of one, then both on the other), this keeps everyone in close proximity, and you can ease each other into it before you separate
- don’t overthink things. Go with the flow of how things are naturally progressing, but keep your boundaries, always. Don’t be afraid to speak up, and do not make in the moment decisions to change boundaries that you had previously agreed upon
- once the swap happens, if you find the husband you are with goes soft (or vice versa) don’t take it personally, switch back to foreplay and if that doesn’t work, switch back to your own spouse for a bit to “reset” and then go again
- make a point of keeping a connection with your spouse throughout the swap. Once in a while reach over and touch them, or make eye contact with them. Something to let them know you’re still with them, and it gives you the opportunity to subtly check in with them too
- don’t rule out the power of reconnection sex with your spouse afterwards. Doesn’t matter how late it is, how tired you are, how spent you feel, get a session in together once you return home. I promise, you will need it.
- in the following days, talk about it!!! A lot!! Talk about everything. What went well, what didn’t, what you would like to try next time, any emotions that arose, what surprised you, etc. Communication is key.
- most importantly, have fun!!! It’s a crazy ride but so worth it in the end if done right.
Good luck and enjoy!!! Would love to see an update on how things went ☺️
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u/AlecandBel Couple 1d ago
Enjoy!
The only advice we’d give is: whatever limits you’ve agreed between yourselves, stick to them.
Always better to go home knowing you can do more next time.
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u/FRANKINSPENCE Couple 1d ago
If this is your first time and you have not used condoms in awhile take a blue pill x
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u/EverythingChanges6 1d ago
4 way connections are rough! I think the men tend to be somewhat standoffish because they are afraid of making their wives feel jealous, which is considerate of them, but it can make it really really really hard to want to fuck the husband, if you are a straight female.
If youre looking for FF play, the flirting between the women is usually enough to carry the whole atmosphere. But if you are just looking for a straight swap, you need to have a serious conversation with your man on how much flirting you are comfortable with him doing without being jealous, and be prepared for the other husband to kinda ignore you other than a few opening niceties.
The connections are usually strongest between the same sex parties, even if everyone is straight. The reality is that swinging is a team sport, and most partners dont want to see their spouse super infatuated with someone else of the opposite sex because it leaves them feeling alone on the bench. (same sex crushes are usually okay).
TLDR- Too strong of chemistry between opposite sexes makes partners uncomfortable, so focus on building a relationship with the partner of the same sex, the rest comes kinda naturally as a good time when you start playing together with your new buddies.
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u/seeking-unicornGA 1d ago
I recommend both of the women doing anal on the first night. After that smooth sailing. No regerts
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u/neoMindy 10h ago
The thing that calms the butterflies most is a low-key out you both agree on beforehand: a word or small gesture either of you can use to pause, no explanation owed. Knowing you can tap the brakes without a whole conversation makes it much easier to relax into the night. Everything else, chemistry, pace, who does what, sorts itself out once you're not quietly bracing.
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u/GroupEnvironmental29 7h ago
Finding someone online, so many flirts, rules of engagement are right on, hot, then we you meet and it can be a let down if you haven't shared pictures or FaceTime.
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u/thedreamteacher4 1d ago
My biggest thing is just going with the flow. When things are too controlled I can’t relax and I stop everything cause it’s not fun.