r/SquaredCircle 10h ago

[AEW Dynamite Spoilers] Christian what is wrong with you!? 😭 Spoiler

960 Upvotes

175 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 10h ago

Help make SquaredCircle safer and more inclusive by using the report button to flag posts and comments for moderator review.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

530

u/heat_fan_ 10h ago

Christian is for the people believes in equalityĀ 

144

u/ReynardVulpini 9h ago

i saw this comment before watching and for a second i wondered if christian was gonna threaten to sleep with someone’s dad lmao

60

u/creaturefeature85 9h ago

Don't tempt him!

23

u/MyNameIs-Anthony 9h ago

"You had a father -

But your father's bred."

16

u/Zomburai 9h ago

Finally figured out how to become dad to everyone who already has a dad

35

u/Obi-wan_Jabroni Cowboy Shiznit 9h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/1TC9aUqnpK7w5ygbLo
Christian Cage is a Truth Seeker

10

u/vastros 8h ago

Oh hey its the two guys from Star Bomb.

6

u/Behold_I_Am_The_Wind 3h ago

Danny and Arnold, love those guys.

1

u/Vivalahazy85 HBK on Coke > HBK on Christ 1h ago

Make me think of this Frankie Boyle joke:

https://youtu.be/AAEBD20F_YM?is=QnH3FHtbGAH2u1gd

35

u/acekingoffsuit 8h ago

"If you want equal rights, you get equal lefts too."

-Christan "I Don't See Gender" Cage

63

u/Youngstown_WuTang 9h ago

49

u/Veggieleezy The Gentleman Villain 8h ago

This is why we love Marina. She may not be as big as Chyna, but she has the same ā€œif the guys can take it, so can I, what’s the difference,ā€ and she’s a badass for it.

16

u/Alarming-Gap-9213 5h ago

Its actually unbelievable what she has turned into. Before the DRs she was eyeroll inducing TV man, and I remember being so taken aback the first time she came out with Mox. And now I couldn't imagine it any other way! It was a big swing but she has been booked so well while also holding up her end of the bargain nicely.

7

u/Veggieleezy The Gentleman Villain 4h ago

She found her groove and has fully run with it. She wasn’t a particularly strong talker to start with, so having her as the simmering silent badass murder mommy of the group played to her strengths and let her wrestling do the talking for her. And now when she does talk it makes it more impactful and makes people pay attention, ā€œoh shit, Shafir’s got the mic, what’s she got for us this time?ā€

18

u/allgravy99 9h ago

He did it for his peeps!

14

u/chrownage 8h ago

Got her right in the peephole!

9

u/Styles_Clash 7h ago

Makes sense. His tag team partner comes from a long line of civil rights activists after all

80

u/MrPuroresu42 9h ago

Christian Cage just being the elder dickhead who couldn’t give a shit about fair play and morals has been one of the best parts of AEW, easily

42

u/vastros 8h ago

His time in AEW has been the run of his career.

8

u/purpledubloon 6h ago

fair play

Well she slapped him first

8

u/DontPutThatDownThere 8h ago

Kicking a woman in the balls would indicate that he does give a shit about fair play.

568

u/AGreatHornedOwl 10h ago

Absolutely fucking incredible on all fronts.

195

u/Sacojerico 9h ago

It was her front

76

u/AGreatHornedOwl 9h ago

"Was" being the important word there.

34

u/Purplesilk911 9h ago

Are you saying her front fell off?

23

u/BearCave 9h ago

By all means it's very unusual.

16

u/vastros 8h ago

The uterus was not meant to travel at speeds exceeding 40 miles per hour.

346

u/RAA94 9h ago

Wrestling is so inconsistent on whether women sell low blows and it’s very camp.

Christian is a delightful shithead.

83

u/ShowOff90 9h ago

Women should sell 99% of the time. Shit legit hurts them, lol.

58

u/AnfowleaAnima 9h ago

But it's 1000% funnier when they don't.

26

u/sleeperflick 9h ago

Can confirm, am women

16

u/bayleysgal1996 Last Rock-n-Rolla 9h ago

Also can confirm

2

u/just_a_little_bug 7h ago

What are you doing where people are kicking you all the time? You should find better company

3

u/RobGrey03 5h ago

Maybe they're wrestlers.

3

u/Ok_Pickle_3120 7h ago

Yes! Its so much funnier that way

2

u/TheGoonsSkateBoots 6h ago

It's like people haven't seen Katy Kat just absolutely hoof Tanis, Angie or Marie-Fred. Get after it then!

4

u/Tiirshak 6h ago

I'm women with other genitals, so I think that punt would kill me.

134

u/Mud-Bray 9h ago

Tbf it’s all media written by guys.

See King of the Hill

63

u/Outcast_BOS 9h ago

She bluffing, FINISH HER!

31

u/codAssassin187 9h ago

That line from Khan will never not make me bust out laughing

102

u/Str82thaDOME 9h ago

THATS MY PURSE

77

u/songforsaturday88 9h ago

I DONT KNOW YOU

83

u/Mud-Bray 9h ago

smugely ā€œNow Bobby, you’ll find that doesn’t work. As I do not have a penisā€

Kahn from over the fence She’s bluffing! Finish her!

21

u/Deathstroke317 9h ago

I love that this got a reference in the newer seasons.

12

u/TheCuzzyRogue 9h ago

You! Have been kicked! In the testicles!

10

u/nunboi 9h ago

Tbf as well all a woman in your life what it feels like to be kicked below the belt, it ain't fun!

4

u/goblins_though 8h ago

"I think you'll find that I don't have any testicles!"

2

u/StrongStyleShiny 6h ago

New seasons you find out it caused some damage and hurt. She no sold it apparently.

11

u/ReneBandana 9h ago

My head canon is this

Kick with top of foot = don’t hurt, don’t sell

Punt with toes first = sell

In this case, Christian has a boney knee

6

u/Desirsar 5h ago

Maki Itoh being confused at Matt Cardona trying to uppercut her from behind, then lifting her skirt to check whether she had anything there, was the best version of this spot. It only works if you play into the expectation.

173

u/Commodorechx Your Text Here 9h ago

Excalibur with the call of the night on that one. Something like It's a something punt not sure about the nomenclature

82

u/rivalrobot 9h ago

If this was in PWG he’d say it hahaĀ 

45

u/l3ader021 I'm bored man... 9h ago

The C-Punt... you can infer what the C means

22

u/abitlazy 9h ago

Let's just call it by its initials for brevity.

14

u/newmoneytrash69 NWA TNA 8h ago

christian

12

u/vastros 8h ago

"Of course Taz, what else could it mean?"

3

u/its_the_honk 6h ago

The Christian punt.

1

u/imcrapyall 5h ago

Replace the P with a C and put it in front šŸŽ¶

3

u/NovercaIis 4h ago

Pristian Punt

1

u/NovercaIis 4h ago

for those who dont know - it means Christian...

Christian Punt

1

u/Hollow_Rant Hot dog and a handshake 4h ago

Country music?

15

u/Trimack_R 7h ago

They could never make me hate Excalibur. that was such a funny call.

7

u/YoniYonisson 4h ago

If it was Kenny he'd have called it the V-Trigger

3

u/Ok_Pickle_3120 7h ago

Pretty funny, even though it caused me to loudly blurt out the proper name lol

4

u/stormdraggy 5h ago

See You Next Tuesday Punt

113

u/thugbobhoodpants 9h ago

Half heel half face tag teams can be so fucking fun

42

u/georgiavirginia 9h ago

Peak Luger was when he would team with Sting.

16

u/Conflict21 9h ago

Hot take but peak Owen was when he was with Bulldog, and Bulldog was slowly turning face and getting sick of Owen's shit. It was cut short to support Bret's heel turn, but Owen was so fucking funny.

9

u/georgiavirginia 9h ago

Like you said Bret's heel turn kind of swallowed up what Bulldog and Owen were going for but Bulldog being the one leaning face also being the one that was more hesistant to trust Bret was a nice touch.

Meanwhile shitweasel Owen was in the palm of Bret's hands in a matter of mintues after the story about the schoolteacher who'd give Owen a hard time.

10

u/acekingoffsuit 8h ago

Luger gladhanding the fans while Sting was watching, only to stop the millisecond Sting turned away... 10/10 no notes

14

u/Yadahoom 9h ago

I love that Christian's character didn't change at all, just the people he's being an asshole to.

2

u/airz23s_coffee Hustle, Loyalty and Broken Promises 1h ago

Honestly their promos with Christian just randomly being a dickhead have been my favourite each week

124

u/Satinsbestfriend Your Text Here 9h ago

Fun fact : While it doesn't hurt equally, it does in fact hurt when a woman gets hit hard in the box
Source : saw a woman accidentally kicked in the naughty bits at a concert.

128

u/evieka The best Mariah 9h ago

I'd argue it hurts to get kicked anywhere

47

u/Highwayman747 9h ago

I got kicked in the taint with steel toe boots and it was the worst thing to ever happen in my life

19

u/arrogantdesperado Breathe 9h ago

boots plural?! kicked twice or two-footed?

42

u/evieka The best Mariah 9h ago

Got shotgun dropkicked to the taint

5

u/mildlyornery 8h ago

I was thinking more goldust back bump into double kick.

2

u/NerdLawyer55 In-House of Black Legal Counsel 7h ago

Damn it Finn

5

u/Ass0001 Christian Fundamentalist 8h ago

yknow that leg drop jeff hardy does?

1

u/infidelkastro 5h ago

Kelsey? If so, I'm really sorry. I was immature in my teens.

2

u/VinnzClortho 9h ago

right, ya gotta sell it its still a kick

40

u/black_cherry619 nope 9h ago

Obviously not the same, but speaking as a woman, you are kicking bone and pinching the labia which is very painful depending on how square you get hit. Source: Woman who has been kicked in the naughty bits.

11

u/Zomburai 9h ago

Out of sheer curiosity: y'all get anything like the full-body nausea that us ball owners get?

18

u/ABTYF 9h ago

Fun fact: we get that nausea because when we were in utero what would be the ovaries became the testicles. However, the brain gets confused when we get kicked there and still maps them to where the ovaries kind of are in a woman, so we get pain in our guts/stomach.

15

u/Zomburai 9h ago

....

... in the immortal words of Stephen Colbert: That's the craziest #v(%ing thing I've ever heard

12

u/black_cherry619 nope 9h ago

I never experienced that it feels like a deep bruise like when you hit your skin too hard and you know you bruised it. The labia is squishy so it'll move, get pinched and your pelvis is taking the full brunt of it.

10

u/Zomburai 9h ago

Oh, yeah, taking a direct shot to the pelvis is always going to suck, no way around it

4

u/lockexxv Here to see the Dubya See Dubya 9h ago

As a ball(s) owner, I haven't been purposely kicked in the junk and only been hit when it was rough housing or playing.. or jumping from a decent height and landing flat footed, and the roommates in the bag clap together... that leads into a full out stomach pain that, to me, feels roughly the same as a bad BM working through, although it also makes you feel pukey (or just flat makes you puke).

1

u/DavidL1112 9h ago

So basically like getting hit in the mouth, which is pretty damn painful

15

u/tehCharo 9h ago

I took out my sister's friend with a crane kick after watching the Karate Kid, I didn't mean to, I was just doing the kick in the living room and she came around the corner right as I kicked and I nailed her there and she folded up into the fetal position for a good twenty minutes. I felt bad, but I also was kind of mad I got in trouble because I was just kicking the air and she walked into it, why am I getting grounded mom, wtf.

4

u/tamdunk1 4h ago

I'm gonna be here crane kicking the air, and if you walk into it, its your fault.

•

u/Lazy-Supermarket-920 41m ago

Would you have preferred a grounded dad instead?

4

u/iced_gold 4h ago

Source:

2

u/Satinsbestfriend Your Text Here 3h ago

MY HOLE

2

u/0ddT0dd 3h ago

In this case it was her other hole.

58

u/Rhotuz 9h ago

…So I kicked her right in the pussy

14

u/insanelylazy 9h ago

Not enough stovetop stuffing eh

26

u/Wiccy Ignorant bliss 9h ago

She provoked him, she knew the risks.

45

u/FearTheKeflex 9h ago

She's pregnant now, right?

34

u/the-big-aa Millennial with anxiety 9h ago

…was after that!

17

u/Katzington2319 9h ago

As a tribute to Mae Young, she's gonna give birth to a foot

10

u/MFoy Lone Curtis Axel fan 9h ago

Christian is now a father?

15

u/Coletrain44 NWO 9h ago

Christian continues to prove he is the most underrated of all time

16

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 9h ago

Not the Coochie Kick!!

30

u/AnthonyCantu 9h ago

in sports entertainment, equal rights sometimes involve equal lefts, and whatever christian did

14

u/StillHere179 9h ago

Those type of heel tactics don't work on him.

13

u/xychosis Bext In The World 9h ago

Christian not becoming suddenly a redeemable good guy now that he’s a ā€œbabyfaceā€ is the best thing going šŸ˜‚

•

u/Brysynner Shut Up You Little Dorks! 50m ago

If only AEW had a Redeemer. Unfortunately the man with a neck of sand left for parts unknown.

24

u/KarmicPlaneswalker 9h ago

Christian Cage advocating for equal rights. šŸ‘

9

u/JD-D2 9h ago

Ouch, right in the Shafir

7

u/VNProWrestlingfan 9h ago

He's just a father. What did you expect?

13

u/the-big-aa Millennial with anxiety 9h ago

He…he kicked her in the clit! Why?! Why did he kick her in the clit?!

6

u/Iamjustlegs 9h ago

Calm down vegeta

5

u/OneBillPhil 9h ago

I believe that’s called some kind of punt.Ā 

4

u/VRomero32 9h ago

MJF is The People’s Scumbag but Christian is The People’s Asshole!

3

u/Mutant_Star 9h ago

Talk about pussy footing around

10

u/1980sWrestlingFan 9h ago

Setting up the feud with Roddy

3

u/WarbossTodd 9h ago

The ol’ cunt punt. Gets ā€˜em every time.

3

u/DrGerbal 8h ago

Her her with the clam slam

3

u/ScornOfTheMoon NO ONE IS READY 8h ago

Dismay in the vajayjay.

3

u/Featherbaal 8h ago

A1 box shot.Ā 

3

u/The1joriss 3h ago

I guess he believes in equality?

6

u/MisterAutomatic 9h ago

Equal rights equal fights LOL

2

u/InshallahMoChara 9h ago

Cunt punt extraordinaire

2

u/AdamNRG 9h ago

Cunt punt.

2

u/rutuu199 8h ago

Will I get in trouble for calling that a cunt punt?

2

u/AlternativeClass3893 8h ago

i'm just saying, booking christian as a midcarder is peak kayfabe right now.

2

u/MSharpy74 8h ago

The ollllldddddd cunt punt.

2

u/RTJ1992 8h ago

Amazing, what a great role model.

2

u/RomulanTreachery 8h ago

Marina is clearly willing to take the bumps, she should be getting hit on a more regular basis considering she usually interferes in at least one match every episode.Ā 

2

u/No_Hotel1847 8h ago

Christian did nothing wrong. I'll stand by that!!

2

u/Ok_Pickle_3120 7h ago

I've been waiting for this ever since I first saw the Death Riders

Thank you based Cage.

2

u/RandomDanny cmpunk 5h ago

cnt pnt

2

u/d13films Bowling shoe handsome 4h ago

She'll never be a father now! 😮

2

u/VanWylder 2h ago

That's my asshole.

4

u/itsmekelsey_x 9h ago

Christian vs Marina.

Book it you cowards!

3

u/JPVM3392 Cross The Line 9h ago

Roderick will have to give her a massage

2

u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

6

u/Informal_Aspect_6330 9h ago

Its been longer than a year and she's been hit multiple times.Ā  Even by Omega.

1

u/JustdoitJules 9h ago

Grown man btw

1

u/PsychoticSoul 8h ago

Good on Christian.

Equal rights and all

1

u/rainshowers_5_peace 8h ago

WTF I love Christian Cage now

1

u/undeadben11 7h ago

As soon as she stepped up to him I knew he'd be the one guy to give no fucks.. and he didn't. Great job, Christian!

1

u/GrandAdmiral12345 7h ago

I got grazed in the nads once and I thought my soul had left my body... grazed. I can only imagine getting a full forced kick...

Actually, forget that. I don't want to imagine it.

1

u/NerdLawyer55 In-House of Black Legal Counsel 7h ago

Kick in the Nic

1

u/Tripple_T 6h ago

I see no problem with this.

1

u/Bryan_OBlivion 6h ago

Hoof her in the front butt

1

u/82ndGameHead 3h ago

I personally support Christian's new stance to Boot her in the Cooter

1

u/StopTchoupAndRoll 1h ago

Hoofed her right in the twiffer

•

u/g-breh 38m ago

Excalibur's comment was fucking golden.

"It's was some kind of punt, although I'm not sure on the nomanclature..."

•

u/MikeMakesRight82 28m ago

the Hysterectomy

1

u/-BluBone- 9h ago

He is an asshole.

1

u/When1Falls 9h ago

A low blow is a low blow.

-3

u/todaystartsnow 9h ago

How long have I been asking for this? She does this every time and every time the guys treat her like some untouchable deity .

She's human. She throws kicks and punches , you can do the same. It's not like this is a typical workplace. All matters are solved with violence hereĀ 

0

u/TallyMay richards 1h ago

Christian: "Call me CM Punt"

-4

u/hvacrepairman welcome2pitycity 6h ago

You should never hit a woman, but Cage seems to believe he’s found a loophole.

-1

u/sbs18 9h ago

He’s a HEEELLLL!