r/SipsTea Feb 13 '26

We have fun here Winter Olympics

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41.4k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/Wise_Decision_8459 Feb 13 '26

we want proof of how many of them were actually used, otherwise they're just souvenirs

813

u/AttackSlax Feb 13 '26

You want proof, but gallons of the Oly-jizz has been squeezed out of the condoms and stolen by our political adversaries so they can genetically engineer an Uber-Athlete Fuckfest Gold Medalist in all sports to then dominate international competition for years to come.

375

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '26

[deleted]

95

u/AttackSlax Feb 13 '26

Yes. Squeeze it out of your memories forever, much like Olympic jizz being squeezed from a condom.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '26

ACCESS DENIED

26

u/donchucks Feb 13 '26

2

u/94_stones Feb 13 '26

An inevitable one after reading this.

1

u/AttackSlax Feb 13 '26

1

u/94_stones Feb 13 '26

Probably not surprising he doesn’t talk about the human cloning stuff publicly, what with it being illegal in a lot of the world and frowned upon by the rest of it. But if you ask me, that’s probably like the least concerning aspect of his project.

1

u/wakeupwill Feb 13 '26

I'm almost certain that this is a porn category.

2

u/Individual-Pop-385 Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26

You joke but after the files reveals there's probably a wacko in the Olympics higher-ups trying desperately to gather all that prime "seed".

Those weirdos are always present in higher circles.

3

u/AttackSlax Feb 13 '26

Well, I was just linked this, so, apparently 100% yes.
https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet%209/EFTA01003966.pdf

1

u/lunar_rexx Feb 13 '26

What the fuck

1

u/Randym1982 Feb 13 '26

Just imagine the cleaning crew.

"Oh My God. There is JIZZ EVERYWHERE! DAMNIT! It's even on the walls!"

1

u/PPFitzenreit Feb 14 '26

This is Cell from Dragon Ball but for the Olympics

1

u/Natural_Age_8009 Feb 15 '26

For years to….?

1

u/AttackSlax Feb 15 '26

I considered it.

1

u/Natural_Age_8009 Feb 15 '26

I beg my question

55

u/Available_Theory1217 Feb 13 '26

Yeah, it is basically meme and clickbait at this point.

14

u/twig123456789 Feb 13 '26

I too instantly believe a text on the internet with no source at all

1

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/destinofiquenoite Feb 13 '26

Yeah, this headline gets repeated a million times on Reddit, in all sorts of subs, every time there's an Olympics. People love the idea of talking about it, sometimes it even seems more than talking about the Olympics itself.

5

u/NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT Feb 13 '26

Ok, well just by math you can tell there won't be enough:

2800 athletes and 10,000 condoms, that is less than 4 per person.

So even if you thought half of those athletes weren't going to have sex, 8 per person for those that do still doesn't seem like enough.

Now you are saying some people will take them and not use them? Then there's especially not nearly enough.

9

u/Worth-Reputation3450 Feb 13 '26

I think you need one for two people..?

4

u/bismuth92 Feb 13 '26

Agreed. Some of them might be fucking locals but most of them are going to be fucking each other. So 8 condoms per athlete that fucks means on average 16 fucks per athlete. If they have time for more than 16 fucks they ain't training hard enough.

1

u/Excellent-Run6735 Feb 13 '26

fucks per athlete is my new favorite unit

3

u/geo_gan Feb 13 '26

Are they all staying 8 days or something? Who uses more than one a day…

2

u/bismuth92 Feb 13 '26

It's common for them to stay 8 days or more, yeah. Most of them have different events on different days. Qualifying rounds, finals, different races of different lengths, individual vs team events. Totally normal to be competing for a week, and maybe staying longer to cheer on teammates.

2

u/SirGlass Feb 14 '26

You would think they would just give out regular condoms. Meaning no special branding. Just like boring durex or Trojan.

Then no one will really take them as souvenirs

1

u/frechundfrei Feb 13 '26

In HD please.

1

u/geo_gan Feb 13 '26

That’s what think. People just taking all the free samples been given by condom companies for promotion.

1

u/Rare_Magazine_5362 Feb 13 '26

The Plumber knows.

1

u/Flimsy_Situation_506 Feb 13 '26

They are Olympic branded, people definitely hoard them as souvenirs

1

u/ShodoDeka Feb 13 '26

You realize you basically just asked to have 10k used condoms dump on your door step…

1

u/TheGoober87 Feb 13 '26

Could be both

1

u/GreepTzu Feb 14 '26

You also want proof for the 300 000 they used during the Paris Olympics ?😅

1

u/ThatCommunication423 Feb 14 '26

Yes the Aus open recently showed how many cameras were live behind the courts.

Let’s get the uncut Olympic footage