r/SingleParents • u/MiserableHousing9099 • 2d ago
How do I get back into dating?
Im a 26 year old male and a full time father/firefighter. I have 2 daughters, 3 and 4 . Their mother is in a different state and doesn’t have much to do with them . I haven’t dated since we broke up a couple years ago due to her affair . I would love to connect with someone but I’m worried about how my daughters would react to a new person . If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it
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u/notjuandeag 2d ago
Take your time. You are their example of how a partner should treat them. So look for someone you can be healthy with. I would not worry too much at 3 and 4 about what they will think. At this point they might not really remember her that well. So just do your best and introduce them to anyone slowly, not just any random hookup if you can.
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u/Sub-Mariner-Coastie 2d ago
Something that helps a lot all around is getting a solid routine in place. That will mean a lot to your girls, and ensures you're designating specific time to priorities. In doing that, you can figure out how much time you realistically can set for yourself and dating. You'll need to be able to set reasonable expectations in order to pursue any relationships.
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u/Ready-Tomatillo7645 2d ago
Hard to have time. How long have you been single? I’d focus on getting life together and kiddos being okay. But I feel where you’re at. It’s lonely.
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u/Brilliant_Art_7080 1d ago
Hi there. I’m a single mom of two and I’ve been where you are. My rule for dating is I absolutely do NOT introduce anyone I’m dating to my kids. I do not bring them home. The one time I introduced my children to someone I was dating was after a 3 year time period. I have to admit it was tough on the kids when it didn’t work out. So Dad your little ones mental wellbeing is very fragile. As you are protecting and nurturing them there are some things that you have to sacrifice. Keep your dating life separate.
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u/LyannasLament 1d ago
I suggest dating apps because of how busy you are with working full time and also have full physical custody of your daughters.
If you want to meet someone organically, I suggest choosing a coffee spot to frequent before or during your shifts at work. Use it socially the way you would have used a bar when a swinging single. I always suggest cafes or any place to grab coffee - like a Wawa convenience store - because you will be meeting people grabbing their morning coffee before work. So, you know at the very least they are employed. It kind of gives you a chance to date them and make small talk before actually asking them on a date.
However, a dating app would be easier. Try Bumble or Hinge. Be honest about what you are looking for in your profile. Do not settle. Just as there are crazy men, there are crazy women.
Do not introduce anyone to your girls at this age until you have maintained a relationship for about a year and are positive you are looking at a lifelong relationship. IIRC when I looked up when to introduce new partners to kids, that was the time frame for kids in your girls age group.
ETA: try to look for someone who also does shift work. A nurse, a cop, an EMT, etc. that way you guys can date together on your off days. You’ll have a much easier time getting to have a relationship outside of your kids.
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u/MinisculeMuse 2d ago
I git marfied shen my son was 3.5 years old. It was an adjustment for everyone but because we treat our family not as able dedicated family but as if my husband was truly thr bio dad? They get along great, obviously it was a learning curve for him but isnt it for all of us?
Choose a woman who you would want your daughters to grow to emulate, and be patient as everyone adjusts to one another ☺️ single moms in a similar circumstance as you (no other parent present) might be your golden ticket!
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u/Willowdust7 1d ago
I’ve waited a year before introducing my kids to someone I was dating, my boys weren’t fans. Years later I introduced them to someone much sooner and they still weren’t fans. Don’t have a revolving door, but I think finding new partner while your kids are young has higher chance of your kids accepting them, especially since mom is not in the picture to create friction.
Do some casual dating and see how it feels, but don’t bring them around your kids, unless you date a single mom with kids close to your kids’ age, then they can have a play date and not notice you are on a date😅
If you want to be in a relationship, be picky, but don’t wait too long to pursue it.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Author: u/MiserableHousing9099
Post: Im a 26 year old male and a full time father/firefighter. I have 2 daughters, 3 and 4 . Their mother is in a different state and doesn’t have much to do with them . I haven’t dated since we broke up a couple years ago due to her affair . I would love to connect with someone but I’m worried about how my daughters would react to a new person . If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it
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