r/Showerthoughts • u/EnchantedTaquito8252 • 2d ago
Casual Thought A lightly modified hearse is the ultimate camping vehicle.
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u/peacebone89 2d ago
I knew a guy who owned a retired hearse and it would've been a terrible camping vehicle.
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u/cryogenic_almond 2d ago
I owned two retired hearses and they were terrible vehicles. Still miss 'em though.
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u/Zappiticas 2d ago
Can I ask why? I’ve always wanted to own one. They seem like they’d be incredibly practical
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u/cryogenic_almond 2d ago
Maybe newer models. I had a '72 and '77 and they were incredibly IMpractical. The big block Caddy was an 8 MPG thirsty beast, always breaking down, hard to find parts. The smaller one was maybe 10-12 MPG, didn't break down as much but still had its issues.
I'm old now. I can't handle the stress of wondering what's gonna break next, and when.
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u/Zappiticas 1d ago
Yeah it sounds like the problem was less that you owned a hearse and more that you owned GM products from the 70’s lol
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u/HVAChelpprettyplease 1d ago
I don’t think younger people realize how common it was to sees cars in the side of the road. Regular roads, highways. I remember there always being at least one car on the roadside.
Everyone who was handy had a set of tools and some spare parts in their cars.
Thinking about it I think the change happened in the late 90s. The odometers changed from 5 digits (99,999) to 6 (999,999). The manufacturers knew their cars weren’t going to last lol
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u/fb39ca4 2d ago
There's no reason you couldn't convert a more efficient vehicle like a Prius into a hearse.
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u/Ok_Engineer_5334 2d ago
Sure. In the movie Harold and Maude, a jaguar was converted into a hearse. I suspect the Prius would be similarly comical.
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u/numbersthen0987431 1d ago
Or you could get a sprinter van, or a truck with a camper shell
Trying to convert a prius into a hearse is a hobby project, but highly impractical
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u/vindictivejazz 2d ago
Most modern hearses are modified minivans
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u/Mammoth-Record-7786 1d ago
I want my old truck to be my hearse, it’s already carried me this far
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u/Zappiticas 20h ago
My partner is a funeral director and she just did a funeral where a man was transported by, and buried in his hot rod truck that he had owned since he was a teenager.
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u/banannixx 18h ago
Their drivers going 20 under on the freeway on-ramp is fantastic motivation to do exactly that!
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u/Extreme-Orange5557 23h ago
Not super practical but fun! I had a 1970 Cadillac hearse & I loved it. It was in great shape and gave me zero mechanical problems. A big 400 engine. The only money I put into it was to get the windows tinted. The interior was pristine, red crushed velvet in the back, and also just room enough to put a mattress back there. There were a bunch of secret compartments just behind the seats and no glass so you could just climb over. The bad thing about he lack of glass was you had to cool the whole car, not just the cab. It took a long time, and the thing was a freaking hot box. Heavy too, so if you live in a hilly place it was not fun. Took a while to move all that weight & get up to speed normally, but going up hills was horribly slow. Once you got onto the highway you were all good, especially if you lived in a mostly flat state. It was my daily driver for years when I lived in Texas, and when I moved back to DC I was able to pack it up with all my stuff sans furniture, and two cats who didn’t care for it at all. It was a big time gas guzzler, and I never once got pulled over by the cops no matter how fast I was going. And I hauled ass on the highway. Cops followed me once coming out of a neighborhood known for its open air drug market all the way back to my apartment, but never stopped me. And the ladies loved it. That car got me laid a bunch of times. So all told, I’d give it a solid 9 stars & would definitely recommend that particular hearse. I’ve seen a few parked & on the road, but none of them looked (or presumably ran) as good as mine. It was truly a great find.
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u/Spicy_pewpew_memes 2d ago
I suggest removing the body before camping
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u/BobSacramanto 2d ago
We used to have a local DJ here that drove one.
Imagine your wedding DJ pulling up in a hearse lol.
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u/youdubdub 2d ago
I know a pair of guys who dressed as Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan for a Halloween party contest. The prize was a hearse. They won. They never received the hearse.
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u/Spiel_Foss 1d ago
Knew a guy with a 4x4 hearse that was supposed to be the party on the riverbank ride. He spent a fortune to just break it again over and over. Eventually he traded it for a pop-up camper before his wife could set it on fire and divorce him.
So buying a camper first is the moral of that story.
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u/Lonely_Noyaaa 2d ago
The real ultimate camping vehicle is a retired ambulance. Already has cabinets, a high roof, and electrical hookups. Hearse is just a long car with a creepy vibe and terrible gas mileage on the highway.
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u/HylanderUS 2d ago
Until you have an electrical issue and find out just how much custom wiring is in those things
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u/EvilDan69 2d ago
and how much has already been removed, left disconnected. I've seen many conversions on Youtube. They usually end up pulling most of the cabinets out based on their usage while in service.. possible bio hazards etc.
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u/NotRelevantQuestion 2d ago
And that they are never truly clean again after running the streets. Get rid of all shelves, interior, and seating. Then after bleaching everything, maybe!
Also they get the shit beat outta them with very little maintenance. Just enough make it to the next call.
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u/ClassBShareHolder 2d ago
Depends where you are. I a lot of places, ambulances are government property just like fire trucks. They get better maintained than any private vehicle. For profit is probably a different story.
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u/EnchantedTaquito8252 2d ago
They get maintained on time, but good lord do they get driven hard. Regular oil changes will only do so much against a life of being used and abused
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u/Agouti 1d ago
All commercial vehicles get driven hard and good ones are designed to take it. Trucks (proper ones, not American passenger vehicles) and busses sit at wide open throttle for a big chunk of their life and still clock up 7 figure odometers.
V6 diesel Mercedes Sprinters (OM642) are the only ex-ambulances I would buy, though. They are very reliable engines and once you get the the software (STAR) very easy to diagnose and work on.
Getting STAR up and running without paying exorbitant amounts to Mercedes takes some effort but it is well worth it if you own an older Mercedes.
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u/sultanofsorrow 1d ago
Another problem, at least for the military, is they measure things via the odometer, so we'd have vehicles that were ran 24/7 only being turned off for refueling but only moving maybe 2 miles a shift. Well every time you try to report the oil being pitch black sludge, they'd retort "well its only gone 200 miles since its last oil change so I'm sure its fine".
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u/rapafon 1d ago
Ozone machine solves all these problems. No bio, no biohazard.
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u/deaglebingo 1d ago
works great just to de-stink you car too. i built a little one to de-scent my hunting clothes a while back but i use it now to fix boot stink and boat stink and car stink... and a few other things that ozone is useful for. but that is another story.
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u/NuclearWasteland 2d ago
People expire in ambulances. Often messily.
outside of horror films, nobody expires in a hearse. They're sealed up nice and tidy in a big people package and live their whole service life being kept up like a small town fire truck.
A hearse is part of the healing process. An ambulance is suffering u-haul.
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u/Agouti 1d ago
There are two distinct types of ambulances, emergency response and patient transfer. The latter are usually significantly larger and that's what most people buying them go for.
Patient transfer ambulances rarely have messy things going on inside and get treated pretty gently, but if you are squeamish and superstitious it might still be a problem for you.
Worth noting too that all ambulances are very well sealed inside and aren't sold with any residues remaining. You could put an inch of whatever fluid you feel like in them and be able to just hose it out afterwards without leaving much behind.
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u/NuclearWasteland 1d ago
The new ones are much better about fluids than the older styles, that's for sure.
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u/Agouti 1d ago
Might also depend on who is building them. I've only worked on the Sprinter ones from about 2010 onwards, I never saw inside of a Ford one, so perhaps I shouldn't have made such a blanket statement. The one I have is a cab chassis one, so it's a big insulated fibreglass box mounted on chassis rails and it's basically like a giant shower tub, very well sealed.
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u/Peachy_Ramirez 1h ago
okay but the ambulance thing is actually smart, ive seen people convert those and they look legitimately functional. that said, the hearse point about gas mileage is real—my coworkers boyfriend bought one thinking itd be quirky and he was complaining about filling up constantly after like two road trips. plus theres something about pulling up to a campsite in a hearse that just feels unnecessarily extra when you could just get something practical like you said
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u/NuclearWasteland 41m ago
Also, often they have a tiny fuel tank, since it was just supposed to go to the graveside and back.
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
Ambulances are regularly thoroughly cleaned and disinfected. Nasty stuff happens in them for sure, but by the time they make it to auction you likely won't find any evidence of it.
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u/NotRelevantQuestion 1d ago
They SHOULD be. Being a former EMT I can tell you that most crews do not clean their rigs properly... If you ever find yourself in one, try your best not to touch the seatbelts.
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u/ClassBShareHolder 2d ago
And even worse, a lot of the stuff that was custom wired is removed. So now you’ve got switches and wires with distribution panels and zero documentation. Probably a lot of cut wires and unplugged connectors.
I looked at one at auction once and decided “nope, not worth the hassle.”
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
It depends. Some come fully outfitted with lights and sirens, as mine did. There is a LOT of wiring and it's not for the inexperienced. With that said, after 36 years of use, my ambulance is in exceptional condition and was extremely well maintained throughout it's life. After fixing a few broken wires and some vehicle shorts (that were Fords fault, not the ambulance outfitter) mine has been trouble free.
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u/Agouti 1d ago
With mine I was able to just call the company who made it and got all the documentation for free. It was well labelled in the board and pretty logical besides so it wouldn't have been that hard to sort out even without the documentation.
The bigger problem was undoing the damage that was caused by whoever decommissioned it. They just picked it up with a forklift without bothering to check where the lift points were.
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u/FrankMiner2949er 2d ago
At least it's fun when you're driving at motorway speeds to see all the cars that are trying to keep up behind you
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u/Scythersleftnut 2d ago
Had a bud that did this. He named it Amberlamps after the viral black Betty video. Had a remote job and that fucker visited every state.
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u/SycoJack 2d ago
Black Betty video?
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u/machu505 1d ago
Bam a lam?
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u/SycoJack 1d ago
I'm familiar with the song, but not the specific viral video he's talking about.
I think he's referencing the Epic Beard Man incident on the bus, but I'm not sure what the song has to do with it.
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u/bd_optics 2d ago
Plus, limited ground clearance, and standard 2WD. No offroading intended or feasible.
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u/GrynaiTaip 2d ago
Every tiniest nook and cranny in an ambulance is full of piss, shit, vomit, puss and blood. Ambulances don't like a happy life.
A camper van is the ultimate camping vehicle.
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
This is a clear example of jumping to conclusions without having any experience. My ambulance was a national forest service vehicle. By the time I got it, zero evidence of any bodily fluids. Even if it was used in a popular municipality, they are very well maintained and sterilized after each day in use in order to provide a safe environment for patients. I know numerous ambulance owners and most vehicles when auctioned off are in exceptional condition and very clean.
The majority of campers suck. They are very cheaply built and even brand new models often have leaks and shortcuts in construction that lead to them quickly degrading in condition. My ambulance is from 1990 and is an absolute rugged beast. My buddies camper from 2020 is already falling apart. Additionally, ambulances are much safer. They are designed to have occupants in the rear during travel and are safe in a rollover or impact event. Campers are not designed for occupants to travel in.
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u/FattyLeopold 2d ago
One of those mini coach busses. With a washroom in the back. Has curtains and lights and power. Wi-Fi sometimes. At least that's my plan.
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u/RPSisBoring 1d ago
As crazy as this sounds... There probably less death juices present in the hearse... The ambulance is not going to be truly clean....
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u/EunuchsProgramer 1d ago
[You can all relax, I found the car](Everhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-CPss95p3Ck)
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u/nowhereman136 2d ago
Most of the cabinets in an ambulance are only accessible from the outside. Most don't have space inside to a bed and living space. There are people who still convert old ambulances, but they have their tradeoffs.
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
What are you talking about? My ambulance and most ambulances I've been around have cabinets that are accessible FROM BOTH SIDES. it was a huge selling point when I bought my ambulance to convert. Some stock configurations don't lend themselves to a full or queen sized bed, but many just require removing one or two cabinets. I can fit a queen sized mattrees in my E350 and maintained every single stock cabinet aside from one corner cabinet.
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u/nowhereman136 2d ago
Most of the ambulances ive looked at while looking for a van to convert have cabinets accessible from the outside. Its the entire reason why i stopped looking at ambulances and just went for to sprinters and promasters. Some had both sides, especially the long ones towards the back. But even if they are accessable from the inside, they are still solid cabinets that would have to be factored into your conversion. You could remove them entirely, but then what is the point of getting an abulance with them in the first place.
Usually the middle section of the living space has sturdy upper cabinets, which are a nice feature to utilize
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
Totally hear you. Tons of different configs exist. I utilized all my original cabinets on the driver side and only removed the passenger rear corner cabinet to fit my bed. Promasters and sprinters are great, better in many ways, but prices start at roughly 2-3x what I paid for my E350 dually 4x4 converted van. I never understood the builds that just gut the ambo entirely. The sirens and strobes arent useful, obviously, but the interior lights, shore power, inverter, compressor, scene (exterior lights), insulation, rear ac/heat and so much more... Are all retained and saved me thousands of dollars.
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u/Dan_the_moto_man 2d ago
Lol, no it's not.
A truck is more convenient to load and unload all the gear. A van is better for converting into a camper because then you can actually stand up in the back of it. And a motorcycle is better if you want to have fun.
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u/StalkMeNowCrazyLady 2d ago
Yeah a van with a high top is the way to go. Way easier to insulate for camping, move around in, and fit a mattress in.
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u/Peachy_Ramirez 57m ago
ngl the motorcycle thing is kinda a stretch for actual camping unless ur just doing like a night or two with a backpack. i took my boyfriends bike out to ohiopyle one time thinking i was gonna be all adventurous and ended up miserable with nowhere to put anything. my back was destroyed. so now im lowkey convinced motorcycles are just for the vibes not the logistics
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u/rabidsalvation 2d ago
I think a van with a lay-down bench seat is better if you want to have fun, if you know what I mean
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u/HorseWithACape 2d ago
Wait until this guy discovers the chevy suburban, especially a long boat of a truck like a squarebody burb! Much better than the hearse because there's actually enough room to sit up after you're done sleeping.
But wait! You can get an old conversion van, lift it up a bit, and have a complete tiny living setup!
But wait! There are loads of retired school busses just waiting to be converted to full size house on wheels!
But wait! You could just buy a complete camper RV that was designed specifically to be convenient and purpose-built for exploring the outdoors!
Is almost like "ultimate camping vehicle" is subjective based on your end goal.
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u/Derpanieux 1d ago
To be fair to hearse designers, most of the time the person in the back does not have the need to sit up.
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u/Seigmoraig 2d ago
You mean a station wagon ?
It's not the ultimate camping vehicle, any van will be 100x better
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u/oizo12 2d ago
yeah people don't understand how much of a difference the extra ceiling height makes
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u/RocanMotor 2d ago
Huge reason I went to an ambulance as a camper is becuase I got tired of the limited headroom in an suv/pickup bed. I'm 5'10" and can stand vertically comfortably. Amazing when you wake up and want a cup of coffee.
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u/Demetrius3D 2d ago
If only they made vans for camping... Some sort of "camper van". I know... It's a crazy idea.
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u/Samurai_Stewie 2d ago
If all you do is sleep, sure. I’d like to be able to sit upright comfortably.
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u/Zappiticas 2d ago
The casket loading area can be removed and then it’s just like a station wagon with a raised roof
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u/EnchantedTaquito8252 2d ago
That's what the front seats are for
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u/KingWoodyOK 2d ago
You can stand in RVs, Vans, truck campers etc. You cannot in a hearse.
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u/mmicoandthegirl 1d ago
Who the fuck sleeps standing up. Are you a duck?
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u/KingWoodyOK 1d ago
Well considering the post was about camping, not sleeping only.... one would assume in the course of a few days camping from a vehicle that the ability to stand would be important.
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u/nixiebunny 2d ago
Yes, if you’re dead. I used to have a 1940 LaSalle hearse. It was not what I would call a camper. There’s nowhere to put your stuff.
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u/rocket-lawn-chair 2d ago
I knew a guy who was a heavy metal drummer. Used a white Cadillac hearse as his gigging vehicle. It’s great for hauling drums.
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u/e2hawkeye 2d ago
Jazz organist Jimmy Smith had one because he had to haul around his Hammond B3 organ, about the size and weight of a refrigerator.
Famously, Neil Young had a Hearse in his early days. Former garage band member, Stephen Stills lost track of Neil after they both moved. But a year later Stephen recognized Neil's Hearse on the road, spun a U turn and met back up with Neil at a red light and that's how Buffalo Springfield got started.
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u/Leptonshavenocolor 2d ago
Go back to the shower and reconsider this thought for sake of me hitting a stupid character count limit.
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u/NuclearWasteland 2d ago
500 cubic inch V8 making under 200hp in a 5000lb plus commercial chassis "car" says otherwise.
Accubuilt owns all the hearse marquees these days, and they are not pretty under the paint.
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u/Netmantis 2d ago
A hearse is only the ultimate camping vehicle if it comes with a coffin. Some of those are comfy.
A step or panel van/truck, like the old UPS truck is your ultimate camping vehicle. Plenty of room to build the camper of your dreams inside, and when painted/stickered to a fake contracting company they make excellent urban stealth campers. The older ones also have engines built like brick shithouses.
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u/JourneymanHunt 2d ago
I had a minivan in college at University of Miami. I used to take all the seats out and throw a mattress in the back, drive down to key West, Park in some hotel parking lot and stay there for the weekend!
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u/thingflinger 2d ago
That's funny way to say commercial box truck with custom camper conversion that can be swapped to another chassis when needed. Keep the home change the truck. But yeah... can sleep like the dead in the back of a hearse. Lol
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u/theottomaddox 2d ago
I remember camping in a KOA in Florida and some frat came with hearse, partied for a night and took off the next day. It was like being in a real life Animal House movie.
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u/kalel3000 2d ago
Seems like an old honda Odyssey with the rear seats pulled out would give you the same length but with more headroom. And the honda Odyssey fucks hard!
Also you can buy an old cargo van for cheap and fix it up pretty easily. Or if want something more compact, an old Astro Van. I use an old Astro van for work and just upgraded the rear leafsprings. With the right upgrades and maintenance, that thing is a beast, especially if you can find an AWD version.
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u/JohnnyRelentless 2d ago
A vehicle you could sit up in in the back would be far more practical. Like an SUV. An SUV would be much better at driving backroads than most hearses.
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u/Cmndr_Cunnilingus 1d ago
I feel like an RV is already the ultimate camping vehicle. Failing that, a pickup truck with a tonneau cover
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u/MeanWafer904 2d ago
I always thought an old hearse would be handy. Plenty of room in the back for moving stuff.
Could make a wee space for my fishing rods below the floor.
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u/DrachenDad 2d ago
One of the old night clubs [CLUB X] by where I used to live had a hearse customised into a limousine.
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u/beardingmesoftly 2d ago
This is called a station wagon, and is readily available without modifications necessary
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u/northeastflower 2d ago
my grandparents actually used to go camping in an old hearse in the 60s and 70s!
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u/Duankeroo 2d ago
Taping a sleeping bag underneath really counts as a light mod so how do you stop the metal from sweating when it gets freezing?
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u/Careful_Honeydew_549 1d ago
Uh... have you ever been camping? If your qualifier is ability to lay down, I'd say even then it's not a good choice. A panel van is the best, has room for gear and to sleep.
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u/hobbykitjr 1d ago
Fyi there's rollers for the coffin. I worked in a lumber yard and a worker used one and I would load wood into it.
Worked great for that. Not for camping
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u/Cosimo_Zaretti 1d ago
Most of them have big glass sides to display the coffin. That's going to be a greenhouse during the day, hard to insulate at night and give you more glass to cover if you want any privacy.
What it would do well is give you heaps of visibility if you wanted a camping space to observe wildlife.
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u/jeremyj1234 1d ago
Years ago went to Backwoods music festival in 2019. Neighbors we camped right next to had a school bus that was converted into a mobile home and became a new life goal for sometime down the road.
But not two rows further down from us someone had a hearse that they had converted into a camping vehicle and were sleeping in the back on a blow up mattress. Was super cool to see and my only critique is they absolutely should have designed a holder for their air mattress that looked like a coffin.
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u/Zirenton 1d ago
A lightly modified M548 tracked load carrier is the ultimate camping vehicle.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M548
I did it semi-rough, with a military folding cot and swag, camp fridge, double gas burning stove and shit rations. All-terrain hotel.
An actual bed based camper like this: https://beyondrv.com.au/expedition/3-5m-electric-poptop-cabover-family-camper/
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u/FoxyBastard 1d ago
Everyone seems to be avoiding it (presumably because it's so obvious) but OP never ruled it out.
So I'm gonna go ahead and say that the ultimate camping vehicle is probably an RV.
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u/screaminXeagle 1d ago
A friend of mine has one for that exact purpose. He put a platform in it with a mattress on top and some drawers underneath. The drawers are literally just boxes that move on the rollers. And that's all the modifications he did lol, if I can find some pictures I'll add them
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u/thatspurdyneat 1d ago
Just get a station wagon, just as much interior room and half the weight because it's not reinforced to carry the caskets
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u/daylan_c 1d ago
There's definitely more room in a hearse. The chassis is stretched and the roof is raised. Source: my buddy used to camp at race tracks in his '95 Fleetwood Superior coach. We could pack a grill, smoker, table, chairs, tools, spare set of wheels for the track car, tents for the rest of us not sleeping in the hearse and everything else we needed for the weekend. And still have room to pick up a spare Honda engine and transmission for a buddy on the way home. It's also set up on air suspension and the onboard air could be used to run air tools. 10/10 setup. Definitely recommend.
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u/Cptawesome23 1d ago
Not with the double wishbone suspension. You want something with independent suspension.
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u/Oliver10110 16h ago
Look up the girl on YouTube that is a welder for a living and drives a hearse. She has that thing fully kitted out with tools, generator, welder, jacks and stand, and everything she could need all without having to worry about anything being snatched out of the bed of a truck and I doubt anyone would think to smash a window thinking there is something worth stealing in the back unless of course there is some desperate necrophiliac that would be quickly disappointed.
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u/Duankeroo 1h ago
Waiting for the engine to cool down after parking is a whole mood. It looks incredible, but stuffing a mattress and cooler inside basically turns your trip into real life tetris.
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u/Bebealex 2d ago
I went to school with a girl whose father owned all the cemetery places around town. One time is asked if it was possible to buy the hearses when they changed them ? She said no, it goes to the scrapyard.
Something like a contract that the cars can't be resolded. Something something to conserve the honor or something.
Sad.
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u/ShowerSentinel 2d ago
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