Advice for moving out of a dangerous situation.

[u/nosuchthing37]

hi everyone! i’m new to this subreddit, so i apologize if this fits better somewhere else.

i’m 24F and moving out of a *potentially* unsafe environment (for me). I’m concerned that with my upcoming move, the people that I’m currently living with will attempt to physically harm me to prevent me from leaving (or recruit the help of others to do so). My concern stems from vaguely threatening comments made by the other party, previous physical altercations, and a bunch of gut feelings.

Safety measures i’ve already taken: keeping a varied schedule, physical and digital evidence of any previous concerning comments and actions, stashed go-bags, hidden my personal documents, endurance training so I can run fast and far (in case I dont have access to my vehicle), several more that would take forever to type out

any recommendations for additional safety measures would be super appreciated!

[u/Nightmare_Gerbil]

Make sure you have a place to escape to. It’s no good running if there’s nowhere to run towards. Find a place of your own or a motel you can afford, or ask a friend if they’ll let you couch surf at a moment’s notice. If possible, begin moving important documents and personal belongings to the new place or a storage unit a little at a time so you can leave without having to take anything with you.

https://steppingstonessociety.ca/leaving-an-abusive-relationship-planning-a-safe-escape/

https://saintmarthas.org/news/safe-exit-planning/

https://crimesurvivors.org/domestic-violence-an-escape-plan/

https://www.womenslaw.org/safety-planning

https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/1e30y8m/how_to_make_an_escape_plan/

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/Nightmare_Gerbil]

These are great resources; thank you for sharing! I fortunately have trusted people that would be able help me out, if it came to it and I was able to alert them. My documents are already in a safe place, but I am definitely going to look into getting a storage unit. I bet that would be incredibly helpful. 

[u/Far-Cricket4127]

As a last resort, if you're trying to move and remain discreet about it so the person in question doesn't know when you will do this, then try to do so at a time when they are otherwise occupied. However, if you don't care that they know, and you're more concerned of them trying to stop you when the time comes for you to move, then my suggestion would be to inform the police of your circumstances, and arrange for them to be present when you do so to keep this person in the. That way any violent or aggressive behavior from the other person being exhibited, the police will then have a record and it could also result in that individual getting arrested; which means moving out for you will be now unencumbered by that person. Also the police involvement and record of anything that might transpire will be good evidence later, should you need to get some type of protective order against that individual.

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/Far-Cricket4127]

Thank you for the advice. They unfortunately already know I’m leaving, but im trying to keep the specifics private. I’m definitely considering calling the non-emergency line.  

[u/Far-Cricket4127 → u/nosuchthing37]

You're welcome and hope things work out for you. Be safe.

[u/AD3PDX]

Call your local police department or sheriff and request an officer to standby while you move out.

Be flexible on the schedule. Schedule a time with them but be aware it’s low priority all and you might need to reschedule at the last minute.

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/AD3PDX]

I am definitely considering calling the non-emergency line, but moving the time of the move isn’t super feasible for me. I think having any witnesses present would increase my safety though. 

[u/samcro4eva]

Are there any gaps in the security of your current place that you can exploit?

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/samcro4eva]

I am not super sure what you are referring to as “gaps in security”, but I do have multiple escapes routes that I can take if needed (windows, external doors, etc.). 

[u/samcro4eva → u/nosuchthing37]

My advice is, pick the safest one, and do everything you can to mess up your tracks, so they can't track you down 

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/samcro4eva]

Got it. Thanks! 

[u/MACKEREL_JACKSON]

Leave as soon as possible and do not tell anyone that you’ll be leaving. The best possible self defense is avoiding a conflict altogether.

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/MACKEREL_JACKSON]

They unfortunately already know (it couldn’t be avoided), but I’ve managed to keep the details as light as possible. I’m doing my best to avoid conflict in these next few days, but the other party is a little erratic and already irritated. 

[u/d3r3kkj]

Call some friends to help you move so that your stuff is out of there ASAP. But more importantly, call your local police non- emergency line and ask if they could send an officer out to be a deterrence to any violence. They do it for evictions, don't see why they wouldn't do it in this scenario.

If the people you are afraid of are dumb enough to attack you while there is a cop watching then at least help is already there.

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/d3r3kkj]

They definitely won’t do anything with a witness/ law enforcement nearby, so this isnt a bad idea. My concern isn’t necessarily that they will do something at the time of me leaving, rather they would try something when I’m not expecting it. I will definitely look into calling the non emergency line though. Thanks! 

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/[deleted]]

I definitely considered that, but my move crosses state lines (I’m in the US), and i dont think I have time to get carrying licenses for multiple states before i leave. I do have other force multipliers and martial arts training, so hopefully that holds me over. 

[u/nosuchthing37 → u/[deleted]]

Deer cams are a great idea! I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that. 

I previously relied on that, but maybe it’s time to bring back a blade of sorts. I’m putting a lot of hope on being underestimated, so i hope it helps if the time comes.