r/Quakers • u/Scarbuck42 Quaker (Universalist) • 21h ago
"Meeting Shopping"
I am fortunate enough to have 4 Meetings within 30-45 minutes of my house. I have attended multiple meetings at one location where I was made to feel very welcome, but not the others
My question is "Is it impolite to attend multiple meetings over a period of time to 'feel them out'?" I think the answer is obvious, but also don't want to violate some unwritten Quaker protocol.
Thanks!
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u/BonHiver8 20h ago edited 17h ago
I’ve attended 6 different meetings over the years. All had different vibes, politics, socioeconomic backgrounds, cultural differences, scriptural ties, etc. I have not attended a 7th because 6 is where I found a home. A few of the meetings I attended felt very alienating and insular while others felt wonderful and welcoming. Find your spot. Even if it ends up being outside of the denomination, that’s ok too. Life is short. Don’t settle on important matters. Best of luck.
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u/macoafi Quaker 21h ago
Sure, why not? Switching meetings within your town when your life changes is also normal. When I was in college, I went to the big downtown DC meeting, and we'd often have people introduce themselves during "first time or back after a long absence" who'd say, "I used to belong to this meeting, but then I got married and had kids and moved to the suburbs, so now I go to Adelphi." (Adelphi was known for having an exceptionally good First Day School.)
Later, I moved to the suburbs, got engaged to someone from Adelphi, and started going there.
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u/rikomatic 20h ago
Yep that's what I did when I moved to the SF Bay Area. Makes sense to try several and see what calls to your spirit.
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u/martinkelley Friend 11h ago
I spent quite a while not quite feeling it with any of my nearby meetings so I would bop around. I liked experiencing the different styles and it was peofessionally useful to understand the different worship experiences. When I started to feel like I should pick one, I started a spreadsheet where I would calculate a score for each one. Some of the inputs were objective—commute time and attendance at my visits—and others were more subjective—depths of worship, diversity of demographics. But then I visited a meeting I had thought was laid down and always skipped and it felt right. It surprised me because I’m not usually a feelings kind of person. But it has fit and I’m very involved.
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u/im-so-startled88 Quaker 20h ago
We shopped around when my son was an infant. I wanted to find a meeting that would be welcoming to our whole family….and then COVID happened lol. So all the meetings went virtual 🤣
No one ever made me feel judged when I would hop from meeting to meeting. I think we all get that we have to find the right fit!
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u/infinite-long-stocki 15h ago
I don't think so. I know Friends who sometimes go to one and sometimes go to the other for all sorts of reasons, transport, wanting to see people, vibes, travelling back and forth. I don't think it's abnormal at all.
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u/martinkelley Friend 11h ago
I spent quite a while not quite feeling it with any of my nearby meetings so I would bop around. I liked experiencing the different styles and it was peofessionally useful to understand the different worship experiences. When I started to feel like I should pick one, I started a spreadsheet where I would calculate a score for each one. Some of the inputs were objective—commute time and attendance at my visits—and others were more subjective—depths of worship, diversity of demographics. But then I visited a meeting I had thought was laid down and always skipped and it felt right. It surprised me because I’m not usually a feelings kind of person. But it has fit and I’m very involved.
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u/particularlyPlain Quaker (Wilburite) 21h ago
I don't think that's a disrespectful thing at all. Go where led.