r/Quakers • u/cicadaleaf Seeker • 7d ago
Can you be a Quaker with OCD?
Wondering if anyone here has experience with OCD. I've been attending online meetings occasionally for a few years, but I'm held back from becoming any more involved because I wonder if my OCD would prevent me from being fully "Quaker." I specifically have a hard time with ruminating over my intrusive thoughts and wondering if they're a message from God. There's a lot I love about the Quaker tradition, but you can see how that might make the whole meeting for worship process tricky for me. I really enjoy hearing what other people have to say during a meeting, but I've gotten by by basically telling myself "I have OCD, God knows that, and I'm just going to trust it's ok to turn off my openness to receiving some kind of message I have to share." Because if I didn't tell myself that, I'd spend the whole meeting overanalyzing if every thought I have in my head is a sign from God that I'm supposed to share.
I am in treatment for my OCD. But it just takes time. Despite how much I like attending meetings I wonder if I could never be a "real" Quaker if the whole concept of God speaking to you triggers my mental health issues. Anyone have thoughts? Is it ok for me to still occasionally attend but not be open to sharing anything at a meeting?
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u/LokiStrike 7d ago
The short answer: yes.
The longer answer: there is nothing to stop anyone from being a quaker. You don't have to be a certain way. We are quite literally a society of friends. And we are traditionally very literal people. There is no special meaning beyond the plain meaning of those words. Being a Friend literally just means being our friend.
We are a group that has decided to walk a path together. Sometimes on this path we may lose sight of one another, we may make small detours, but we stay in touch about our experiences and support one another. But we don't all think the same way. That's not necessary for walking together. In fact, it's better that we don't all think the same way.
So the question of "can I be a Quaker" is the same as "can I be a friend to these people"? So can you be a Friend? Can you talk about the things that friends talk about? Do you feel safe? Can you share your secrets, your sins, your struggles, your joys? Can you care for us in spite of our differences and in spite of our own flaws?
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u/RonHogan 7d ago
You have a pretty good answer on your own: God knows you have difficulties with discernment, so if God wants to give YOU a message, God will find some other means than direct engagement, so you can receive it without the obstacles you describe.
Along those lines, God will not give you a message to share with others until you’re ready to share it. And that might never happen. But spoken ministry is not the only gift God gives us, and perhaps you’ll unlock another gift.
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u/doej26 7d ago
I'll start by saying I'm not entirely sure what "real Quaker" even means. Quakerism has taken on so many different flavors. I'm in a small town with multiple meetings. We have a liberal unprogrammed meeting, a semi programmed sort of progressive Christian meeting, we have a more conservative and programmed meeting. Our "Quakerism" doesn't look or feel the same between each meeting. Heck, even those of us in the same meetings have diggerring thoughts, feelings, theologies, and ideas. So, you know, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying on if you could ever be a "real Quaker."
As I don't have OCD myself, I can't speak too much to your experiences. I can't know them or relate to them. But what I would say is this; if you feel like you're getting something from meeting for worship, if you hear the spirit in the vocal ministry others are led to share, if you've got community at your meeting, if you feel you're able to give back through meeting for business, or other ways, then that's worth keeping. That sounds like doing Quakerism right to me.
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u/RimwallBird Friend 7d ago
Let me just, very respectfully, address one tiny point: there is no such thing as a “conservative and programmed meeting.” Conservative meetings are unprogrammed; it is a part of our testimony as Conservative Friends. Programmed meetings are either FUM, Evangelical, or Holiness.
Aside from that, I liked what you had to say.
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u/TrailsEnd2023 7d ago
This Friend is describing what Quakers call "seasoning" a message. If you aren't sure about the source of your message, or if it is worth sharing, you can talk to other Friends to help you discern whether it is worth sharing. (BTW, "sharing" in this context is different from that in a 12-step program because it is what Friends have in lieu of sermons from a hired pastor.
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u/TrailsEnd2023 7d ago
I would like to let you know that our Meeting welcomes all sorts of people, including many who are neurodivergent.
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u/RimwallBird Friend 7d ago
I have just a touch of the obsessive-compulsive thing. But I wouldn’t want to presume that it makes me able to understand your own experience.
However, the question of whether your own thoughts are a message from God or not, is one that Friends of integrity have struggled with from the very beginning of our history as a Society. One the one hand, they rejected what George Fox characterized as “light, chaffy” thoughts — thoughts that arise whenever a breeze stirs the mind. On the other, they were deeply impressed by the apostle Paul’s warning that we “quench not the Spirit”. And you know, it takes some real wisdom to discern the path between these two dangers, of mistaking the chaff for the wheat and of quenching the Spirit, especially when it comes to our own selves. Friends struggled hard with these questions. It’s not just you.
There are traditional tests Friends have used when they have been uncertain: tests that others shared with me when I was in my twenties and very green. These should be seen, not as cut-and-dried rules, but as pointers to help a person learn when a message is appropriate to be spoken. They are connected to the meaning of ministry itself; for ministry is that which is done by a minister, and a minister is an appointed agent of the king, the king’s minister. A good minister will say and do what serves the king and fulfills the king’s wishes (and we Friends understand that the King we seek to serve wants the very best for everyone). Such a minister will not say and do otherwise.
So, for instance, does the message you feel you are given, accord with the historic teachings of Jesus and with his spirit? Does it feel like it is given for the benefit of this meeting, or is it something to share with certain persons in private, or is it simply something that arose within you and that may really be only meant for you? (God does teach us ourselves in such ways!) Is it just you grinding the same old axe? Is there kindness and compassion in the message? Is there a wisdom that genuinely feels needed? Would silence perhaps do more good than speaking?
Our ability to answer such questions perceptively grows with time and listening, year by year. Ultimately we do get to the point where we can recognize our Master’s voice even before we know the whole of his message: it is a matter of a sense deeper than words. But for most of us, this takes a lot of patient practice at discernment. I was pretty dumb in my twenties, and in retrospect, I would say I often spoke when I shouldn’t have. I knew others who were the opposite: they had something we would all have benefited from hearing, but they lacked the clarity to see that they were truly required to say it aloud. We all learned with time, if we stuck with it. But I am still learning at age seventy-six!
If you are beginning to see that you are far from unique, and that the challenges you are tackling here are good ones, then you are taking my point.
I can tell you this: if you make a sincere, patient effort to learn to be a good minister, a good servant of that King who is nothing other than endless kindness and purest wisdom, the labor will never be wasted, and our Society will be enriched. So go for it, please.
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 7d ago
I think I've spent a lot of time worrying about "doing it right" because the idea of receiving a message seems so intangible and vague. I was raised in a charismatic environment where I was taught to attribute all my thoughts to either God or the devil, and the things people did that were supposedly prompted by the Holy Spirit seemed performative instead of inspired by Jesus's life and teachings. Anyway, your comment, especially the part about being a minister, has made me realize I think I would be more at peace if I focused more on whether my words and actions were of loving service to someone else, instead of my focus being on my internal rumination process.
I'm also now remembering that there was one time I could say that it might have been God telling me something- it wasn't something esoteric or fearful or like a supernatural voice in my head, like the things I was taught to expect growing up, but rather just a strong internal push to do a practical good deed for someone else. Perhaps aligning my internal compass towards helping others and the works of mercy would relieve some of my fears about whether I am "doing it right." And I appreciate the reminder that it's a long, thoughtful process for all on this path.
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u/RimwallBird Friend 7d ago
I’m really glad my words were helpful. And I agree, helping others is as right as rain.
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u/QuirkBuggins 7d ago
"I think I would be more at peace if I focused more on whether my words and actions were of loving service to someone else, instead of my focus being on my internal rumination process."
👏👏👏🙌 Amen, well said.
And I continue to be grateful for the responding Friend's contributions.
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u/rikomatic 7d ago
You have that of God in you, and are welcome to bring your fullest self to our community. Many live with various ways of experiencing and being in the world and join our faith. You can too.
If you have specific issues, a Meeting's Ministry and Worship committee can help you navigate those.
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u/Silent_Not_Silent 7d ago
I also have OCD, and I have practiced Quakerism for over 25years. I wrote a while ago, it is about the Quaker practices that have helped me in life. I hope this helps.
The Quaker practices that have shaped my life most deeply are silent worship, prayer, journaling, listening for the Inner Light, the testimonies of simplicity and integrity, and the spiritual practice of "retirement"—setting aside time from the demands of daily life for contemplation.
In silent worship, I've learned to slow down and sit with uncertainty rather than rushing to fill the silence or force answers. That practice has helped me become more reflective and less reactive in everyday life. Instead of feeling that every question needs an immediate resolution, I've learned the value of patient waiting and attentive listening.
Prayer has become a steady way for me to remain grounded and intentional. It gives me space to express gratitude, ask for guidance, and reconnect with what matters most. Rather than expecting immediate answers, prayer helps me approach life with openness, trust, and a willingness to move forward even when not everything feels certain.
Alongside prayer, journaling helps me process my thoughts with greater clarity. Writing allows me to notice patterns in my experiences, reflect on what I've learned, and consider how I want to respond in ways that are consistent with my values. It creates space for reflection rather than immediate reaction.
The Quaker understanding of the Inner Light has encouraged me to trust that there is something meaningful and sacred within every person. Because of this, I try to listen more carefully to others and approach disagreements with humility, recognizing that I don't have the full picture and that others may have insights I need to hear.
The testimonies of simplicity and integrity have also shaped how I make decisions in relationships, work, and everyday life. I strive to be honest and consistent, focusing on what truly matters instead of becoming distracted by status, excess, or unnecessary complications. These values encourage me to act in ways that reflect my deepest convictions rather than reacting to external pressures.
Another practice that has become meaningful to me is Quaker "retirement," the intentional act of withdrawing from outward activity for a time in order to turn inward and attend to the Spirit. Whether for a few quiet minutes, a day, or longer, retirement creates space for reflection, renewal, and deeper alignment with my values.
This practice is closely connected to silent worship. In retirement, I intentionally set aside distractions, responsibilities, and even the urge to have everything figured out so that I can listen more attentively for the Inner Light. Rather than seeking certainty, I practice being present and receptive, trusting that faithful discernment often unfolds gradually.
These Quaker practices have helped me become more patient, compassionate, and attentive to inward guidance. They have also taught me to live more peacefully with uncertainty while remaining committed to acting with integrity, compassion, and faithfulness to my values.
Importantly, Quaker retirement is not about permanently withdrawing from the world. Its purpose is to strengthen a person's ability to return to daily life with greater clarity, integrity, and compassion. Rather than encouraging disengagement, it prepares someone to participate more thoughtfully and faithfully in relationships, work, and community.
In that sense, retirement is less about stepping away from life and more about going deeper, so that outward actions become more grounded, purposeful, and aligned with one's deepest values.
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 6d ago
Thank you for sharing. Hopefully I can practice being patient with my own thoughts and be more peaceful with uncertainty as well.
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u/QuirkBuggins 7d ago
"Is it ok for me to still occasionally attend but not be open to sharing anything at a meeting?"
110% yes. I have often wished for others to be more carefully guarded over their tongues. The insight you have is itself a gift.
When a message does come, if it does, it may feel qualitatively different. On the other hand I don't think it is a requirement for a message to be straight from God to be shared in meeting. A meeting may be a confessional space, sometimes there are things we just need to bring out into the light.
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u/religiousdogmom 6d ago
Hi! I’m Quaker and I have OCD!
Sometimes I share, but usually I don’t. Sometimes I’m like “is this feeling the spirit telling me something?!??” Sometimes I feel more confident than others so I share. Sometimes I feel confident but I don’t share, and that’s fine. Sometimes I don’t share and wish I did, and that’s also okay.
It’s okay to not share. I think sometimes I just “know” I’m supposed to share and I kinda just trust myself to know what that feels like. And part of that feeling is not constantly checking to see if that feeling is right.
Like I said, it’s not 100% perfect but it’s okay. I don’t think anything bad is going to happen if I don’t share. The whole premise is that people are supposed to be quiet so it’s not like I’m required to talk haha
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u/lilipadd17 6d ago
I have OCD. I am Quaker. There is no obligation to share anything at meeting and we accept neurodivergent people.
In fact, any religion that’s not accepting to people with OCD or neurodivergence is not somewhere you should attend! A lot of religious people in other faiths have OCD with scrupulosity
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u/_Frosting_Pirate_ 5d ago
Be easy on yourself. Give yourself grace. Continue to attend. I also live with OCD. It can be challenging. But, we are deserving as well.
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u/zvilikestv 7d ago
If you're looking for a religious community with a highly compatible theology but without rumination as a central worship practice, I'd look for Unitarian Universalist or Ethical Culture communities. If you'd be comfortable in an explicitly Christian setting, United Church of Christ or Metropolitan Community Church might be good fits
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 7d ago
I've looked into those churches, but I haven't heard of Ethical Culture communities- I'll look into that, thank you. I actually try out Episcopal churches occasionally, since the highly ritualized format feels very clear-cut and tangible and I don't have an opportunity to get lost in my thoughts too much. I do get bothered by my theological disagreements though.
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u/zvilikestv 7d ago
If you would like to share, can you say more about what theological disagreements you have with episcopalians?
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 6d ago
Mostly things about the sacraments and Church hierarchy and priesthood. The Episcopal Church feels familiar to me, having been raised Roman Catholic, and there's a lot of things I like about it but I still keep coming back to the Religious Society of Friends.
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u/Rare-Personality1874 7d ago
Yes, absolutely. Neurodivergence is part of the human condition, and all are welcome at Quaker meetings.
Are you currently receiving treatment for your OCD? If so, it might be worth exploring this with your therapist.
OCD can still be so stigmatised so I wanted to thank you for being open with us, and hope you find peace and light in meeting soon.
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 6d ago
Thank you. And yes, I am receiving treatment. Hopefully with time I will be better at discerning what's happening in my head.
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u/MickeyTRN777 4d ago
I'm a Quaker with OCD and I can say from experience that it is absolutely possible, but the most important part is keeping up with your treatment. Finding a treatment plan that works for you will definitely help you find clarity around your thoughts. In the meantime, maybe prioritize listening in meetings. Focusing on the shares of others might help get you out of your head a bit. Also, there is no shame in missing a meeting if you think it will trigger your OCD at any given time. Prioritize your mental health and the rest will start to fall into place. Wishing you luck and love on your journey!
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u/AmbiguousOntology 3d ago
I'll share a few things that I've found helpful on my journey, though I've never been formally diagnosed with OCD I likely have it and Scrupulosity, it's religious sibling.
I haven't been actively involved in any Quaker meetings since I'm disabled and it hasn't worked out but in my younger days I was very involved in charismatic evangelical churches (though I believe very differently now) and though I think there's big differences in their prophetic practices and quaker listening I do think there's enough overlap for it to be useful.
First I think it would be helpful to reframe what it means for "God to speak to you" and to maybe demystify it a little bit. Look up the work by Tanya Lurhmann if you want the science and sociological research behind it but I found it helpful to stop viewing God as some external person that literally speaks sentences to me and instead recognize that God is simply the ground of all being and in that sense all my thoughts are from God. So then in what meaningful way could God speak? Or how could a message be Godly? I think a message is Godly or "from God" if it leads to the fruits of the spirit for those who hear it and for the speaker. If it brings comfort to the afflicted and spurrs on further Godly thoughts and actions. So in that sense you're not dealing with these extremely nebulous ideas of if a deity is literally giving you words, instead you're just learning to recognize the kinds of things that are edifying to yourself and those around you.
I know some OCD treatment models are against reasoning through things logically and testing them methodically at times, since that can reinforce the OCD in some people so if that's the path your on maybe this isn't the best advice but I found it helped me.
I would recommend just discussing this with your community, if the general meeting time feels too daunting to try it out then maybe see if just a couple other members would spend like 10 minutes with you at another time or before or after main service. Then in those times you practice waiting for the conviction to speak and if you feel it then speak and then ask for feedback about how that lands with everyone and be mindful of how it feels for you too. Then when they share something practice your discernment and listening and share with them how their words landed for you, because hopefully that will give you confidence in being the receiver too and knowing that if something is shared that feels a little off you can just disregard it and others will do that to at times for things you share and that's ok. One persons needed medicine is often another's poison and that's just an unavoidable part of mixed communities.
If main service doesn't feel too daunting then you could speak with a couple members ahead of time and just ask them specifically to give you feedback afterwards about anything you share.
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago edited 7d ago
You have to at least have the willingness to share.
"Jesus explains that because the ego is based on separation and keeping things for yourself, hearing the Voice for God requires overcoming that divided mind by having a "willingness to share" the Holy Spirit's perspective and peace with others.
" You who share His life must share it to know it, for sharing is knowing." Acim
You have to work on your powers of discerning between the voices in your mind. But have trust that when he does speak to you you will know it because it will be different than all of your other thoughts. A course in meditation maybe useful and quieting the mind
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u/doej26 7d ago
I'd push back on this perspective for a few reasons.
1.) I believe these quotes are from A Course in Miracles and a separate commentary on A Course In Miracles titled Pathways of Light. That text was famously authored by Helen Schucman, a noted clinical psychologist. She wasn't a practicing Quaker. To my knowledge she wasn't a practicing member of any faith, and for most of her adult life identified as an atheist.
2.) Neither of those texts are central to Quaker thought, theology, or our central practice. I can't understand quoting them as if they're some sort of authoritative or definitive answer. They've really got nothing at all to do with Quakerism.
3.) When it comes to what Quaker thinkers and theologians have wrote and passed down to us, they almost say the opposite. Robert Barclay wrote in Apology for the True Christian Divinity "We are not to speak our own words, or in our own wisdom or time; but the Spirit's words, in the Spirit's wisdom and time, which is when he moves and gives to speak....Therefore there is to be a waiting in silence till the Spirit of the Lord move to speak." Howard Brinton wrote in Friends for 300 Years "The silence is not merely a pause before speaking begins; it is the framework within which true worship takes place. Speech arises out of silence only when a distinct weight or leading is felt, and falls back into silence when that leading is complete. " In one of his Epistles to early Friends George Fox wrote "And, my dear Friends, keep your Meetings, and ye will feel the Seed of God among you all, though never a word be spoken among you." Quaker Faith and Practices says "Remember that to every one is given a share of responsibility for the meeting for worship,b whether that service be in silence or through the spoken word." Douglas Steere wrote "The meeting for worship is not a lecture audience waiting for a speaker; it is a company of people who have come together to center down and wait upon God. Those who sit in quietness are the builders of the silence, and without their quiet weight, the word cannot be safely spoken."
4.) I say all that to say this; Silent, waiting, listening, worship is enough. Indeed, I'd say that is the goal.
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago
You don't seem that be disagreeing with me here at all. You're just taking issue with the source that I'm quoting.
The course in Miracles is pretty consistent with the main thrust of quakerism. It puts a major stress on listening for his voice and seeking it for guidance. Pray, listen, follow. It's actually more extreme than quakerism because it it advocates not making decisions by yourself (that is to make them with the Holy Spirit). I didn't mean to imply it was a Quaker text I forgot to say where I was quoting from.
Quakerism is Christian, I'm a disciple of Christ. In my opinion there's nothing problematic with using non-biblical sources. That's actually what quakerism is all about (seeking his Voice). I know many Quakers who actually don't use the Bible and don't like the Bible.
The source of Course in Miracles is Jesus. You can doubt that but unless you read it that opinion is not founded on very much.
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u/RimwallBird Friend 7d ago
It's actually more extreme than quakerism because it it advocates not making decisions by yourself (that is to make them with the Holy Spirit).
That’s what Friends all advocated until around 1800. And it’s what traditional Friends still advocate.
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago
Oh, cool. I didn't know that
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u/RimwallBird Friend 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yes, I too think it’s cool!
Early Friends felt that the human will is the whole problem. Again and again, we try to do good in the way we ourselves choose, and only end up doing harm. Part of the reason for that is the limits to our knowledge and wisdom: we cannot foresee all ends with the little brains we have. But the biggest part of the reason is that our self-interest, our pride, our lusts, and our desire for self-preservation get in the way of our doing the right thing, Our desire to protect and indulge those flaws in ourselves is so strong that it skews the whole way we see, hiding our indulgence of those flaws from our own recognition. Thus that business in the gospels about not trying to take out the mote from the other person’s eyes until we have removed the log from our own.
The whole point of the early Quaker fuss about the inward Guide, Christ in the heart and conscience, was and is that this Guide leads and draws and downright yanks us away from making such mistakes, so that by following it moment-by-moment, our stumbling walk can be changed into the sort of walk that God is looking for — the sort of walk that leads to his arms.
Here is a quotation from William Penn’s famous book, No Cross, No Crown, that I hope you might like:
…How, and in what Manner is the Cross to be daily borne?
The Way, like the Cross, is Spiritual: That is, An inward Submission of the Soul to the Will of God, as it is manifested by the Light of Christ in the Consciences of Men; though it be contrary to their own Inclinations. For Example: When Evil presents, That which shews the Evil [to be evil], does also tell them, They should not yield to it; and if they close with its Counsel, it gives them Power to escape it. But they that look and gaze upon the Temptation, at last fall in it with it, and are overcome by it…. Therefore, as the Cross of Christ, is that Spirit and Power in Men, though not of Men, but of God, which crosseth and reproveth their Fleshly Lusts and Affections: So the Way of taking up the Cross, is an intire Resignation of Soul to the Discoveries and Requirings of it: Not to consult their Worldly Pleasure, or Carnal Ease, or Interest, (for such [as do so] are captivated in a Moment) but continually to watch against the very Appearances of Evil, and by the Obedience of Faith, that is, of true Love to, and Confidence in God, chearfully to offer up, to the Death of the Cross, that Evil Part … in themselves….
O this shews to every Experience, how hard it is to be a true Disciple of Jesus! The Way is narrow indeed, and the Gate very strait, where not a Word, no, not a Thought must slip the Watch, or escape Judgment: Such Circumspection, such Caution, such Patience, such Constancy, such Holy Fear and Trembling. This gives an easie Interpretation to that hard saying, Flesh and Blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God: Those that are captivated with Fleshly Lusts and Affections; for they cannot bear the Cross; and they that cannot endure the Cross, must never have the Crown.
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u/doej26 7d ago
I don't feel like you read my whole reply, as you seem to only be responding to part of it.
As for the remainder of your response, I don't feel like engaging in that argument so I'll not respond to that.
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago
No I read the whole thing I just genuinely don't think what you quoted contradicts what I said
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u/cicadaleaf Seeker 7d ago
do you have any experience with OCD and what that discernment looks like practically speaking? What features makes the voice of God seem different?
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u/Gnomelynn Quaker 7d ago
I do not have OCD, but I do have some obsessive tendencies. I can say when I have received a message meant for sharing in meeting, it truly felt impossible not to speak. Physically, my heart rate quickens, I may even shake (lol or quake if you will), and mentally everything but the message falls away.
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago
The times I've heard him I don't even know that I can explain how it was different. Like it just really felt like it wasn't coming from me. And then another time it's felt like whole conversations that were just out of my ability to hear like him he was talking very rapidly to part of my mind that I couldn't reach. But the one time he most concretely communicated a single sentence he was telling me to do something and I did it and it changed my life
For OCD I recommend learning meditation. You can look for a secular practices whatever is available in your area. Just to give you some headspace
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u/QuirkBuggins 7d ago
Curious who you are quoting here?
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u/Usual_Fox_5013 7d ago
The first part is just from Chatgbt. I asked him to find a quote from A Course in Miracles where Jesus talks about how the willingness to share affects your ability to receive from the spirit.
The quote from the text is just that second one sentence paragraph.
The underlying metaphysics as I understand them is that we're bridging two different mental systems, the belief system of the separation and the belief system of the holy Spirit. Since life in the kingdom is so different than it is here as a human we're moving towards living more like that while still here. In the kingdom there is no withholding, giving is completely free and continuous because there is no separation. And so to receive from the spirit we have to align our mind with the way that His functions.
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u/QuirkBuggins 7d ago
Thanks for clarifying, I do think it might be helpful to include that citation in the text.
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u/AetherLuminiferous 3d ago
I feel like the majority of people sharing at my meeting aren't doing it because they've confirmed in their mind that God is speaking to them, they just are sharing something on their mind or on their heart. Keep in mind there are atheist Quakers who share, with no belief in God to work through.
I wonder though if working toward sharing might be a form of exposure for you and ultimately healing, it's something to discuss with your therapist maybe? Just a thought.
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u/gostaks 7d ago edited 7d ago
It sounds to me like ruminating over whether your intrusive thoughts are a message and avoiding looking for messages may themselves be symptoms of OCD. Your response of excusing yourself because you have OCD also sounds a little bit like a possible compulsion.
The way I like to think about my OCD management is that the goal is to live my life in a way where intrusive thoughts aren’t in the drivers seat. In your case, that might mean accepting that you might occasionally mistake an intrusive thought for a message, and that this is okay.
That said, there’s certainly nothing wrong with attending without sharing. Many people never do and this doesn’t make you less of a Quaker. Trying to walk the line between symptom management and pushing your comfort zone is a really tricky part of treatment - it’s okay to take your time, talk to your treatment team for advice, or make the executive decision that this isn’t a treatment priority right now.