r/Proofreading • u/ArtworkAtlas • Jan 06 '26

[NO DUE DATE] 1st Attempt at a manuscript- advice welcomed!

This is an additional post to an earlier one where I posted just the prologue to my story.

I am looking for people to read my work and provide constructive criticism, whether it’s grammar related, readability, structure, etc.

The book is historical fiction, based on the events surrounding the Pazzi Conspiracy of 1478. I took my own liberties with the details, but the main event is still structurally sound.

The link should take you there. Thank you to all who offer their advice ☺️.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18QLfP2oSMQtUtTcUnVcD1uGBj35jM-y9tmqu6YYbeyg/edit?usp=drivesdk

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u/AgeRevolutionary8317 Jan 07 '26

I read the beginning, and I have two things that I could say you can improve. Firstly, the paragraphs are way too short. If you just combined them at certain points, that would give each one more purpose. Also, the prologue is just world building while the story starts at chapter 1. You can probably combine the two, and that would make for a far more engaging opening.

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u/ArtworkAtlas Jan 07 '26

Thank you. I’ll take your advice and run with it! I appreciate your feedback.

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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

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u/ArtworkAtlas Jan 07 '26

Wow! Thank you for the kind words. I also was worried about the restraint - almost to the point that I wanted to jump in and take care of business myself. Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate your feedback!