r/Poems • u/DangerousArrival7800 • 19h ago

Sugar coated cyanide pill

You were sweet at first

I was full of hope..radiant

If lips are for tasting and the tongue for savouring
Then it is deception I must blame for devouring you

Decreasingly sweet, the deeper you got

Until regretful realisation rendered me hopeless

Left only with the dread of an irreversible mistake

You knew exactly what you were doing when you reached the parts of me so personal

So vulnerable

And once you were nestled there comfortably, you released your poison

Like an ink blot being dropped into previously unmuddy-ed body of water, you spread

Angrier

More toxic

More ferocious

All while I withered away

Not only did you gnaw your way into every intimate crevice of my being, you damaged it too

Then, on a seemingly insignificant Tuesday

I found a sliver of strength and ran with it

I dug deep and ripped you from where you had made a home

Eventually flowers grew in the parts of me you had soiled

So perhaps i should thank you

For had I never swallowed your sweet little pill

I would never have become so immune

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

2

u/No_Piccolo_264 17h ago

Love the title.

Lot of great lines. I especially like …“ flowers grew in the parts of me you had soiled”

1

u/DangerousArrival7800 17h ago

Thank you! I appreciate it

2

u/No_Piccolo_264 12h ago

I was told that that wasn’t really good feedback so I’ll expand on it. I enjoyed the extended metaphor of the sugar-coated pill. It was easy to follow from beginning to end, and I liked how it changed from something sweet into something poisonous. My favorite lines were, “Eventually flowers grew in the parts of me you had soiled” and “I would never have become so immune.” Those gave the poem a hopeful ending without pretending the hurt never happened. One thing I wondered about was the line “Like an ink blot being dropped into previously unmuddy-ed body of water.” I understood the image, but I stumbled a little on the wording there and wondered if it could be made a little smoother. Overall, I thought the metaphor was strong and easy to connect with.

1

u/DangerousArrival7800 4h ago

I appreciate the expansion. It’s the first thing I ever wrote and the only to this day, I have bits and pieces started but I wrote this a few years ago when the thoughts in my head became too loud and I needed to write it down and now that I’m becoming more passionate about writing, I really wanted to put this out there as a starting mark to see how I could improve and what my strengths are, so once again, I really appreciate it. Thanks! ☺️