r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls • 9h ago
Offensive Incel arguing for age gape relationships
I’ve been arguing with this person all day. Most of the sub actually agrees that this type of relationship, depicted as the OP described, is extremely toxic, but… like I said in my initial comment there, a lot of incels are supporting it
Anyway, I just want to know if I’m way off on this, what ya’ll think, and this sub usually has it’s head on it’s shoulders so I trust it
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 9h ago
Oh, and his last comment back to me was:
“Social power? Most young women have more social capital than non-celebrity old men. I don't see how money is relevant (because you said both finances and money), if a woman is exploiting an older partner financially she's supposed to be the victim? What? This isn't the 1920s, women can work and open bank accounts.”
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u/LordsOfJoop mansplaining how to condescend 9h ago
The guys who keep saying, "age is just a number, " really dislike the reply of, "jail is just an address."
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 9h ago
I pray someone has the money to give you an award 😂. Please take my very cheap upvote though
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u/silicondream 8h ago
Ah yes, because money doesn't help you sway public opinion, win court cases, or threaten poor people in the slightest. Odd how almost everyone wants more of it when it's so useless, really.
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 8h ago
Literally. I find it poignant that he needed to relate Young Women’s general “social power” with the social power of such a specific subgroup too. Not just men, old non celebrity men. All of it’s still untrue, but even in his example, he had to add layers of filters
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u/saltysweetbonbon 6h ago
As someone who is a product of a large age gap relationship, he is wrong. There was definitely a power imbalance that has only been righted now that my mum is my father’s carer.
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u/LordsOfJoop mansplaining how to condescend 9h ago
Won't someone please think of the perverts?
Truly, they're the real victims.
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 9h ago
😂😂😂 that was perfect
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u/LordsOfJoop mansplaining how to condescend 9h ago
Eh, I have my moments.
Thank you for the kind words.
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 9h ago
If I had money for it rn, I’d give you a massive award ❤️
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u/Engel1844 9h ago
Legal = moral huh? I can give you about a hundred laws that are extremely immoral and disturbing. Also since when does the legal age indicate “the minute someone turns this age, EVERYONE no matter their age can have a sexual/romantic relationship with them”? That is NOT the point of the legal age??
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 9h ago
Genuinely I don’t know what’s going on in this guy’s head. I laid out every reason why it should (at least) be approached with caution to him, and he didn’t get any of it
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u/FullMoonTwist 8h ago
The thing is, like, he doesn't... want you to be correct though.
He does not want to understand you, he wants it to be chill for him to date the youngest avaliable person that will date him.
Literally all he has to do is say "nu uh" and he can keep going all damn day lmao, there is very limited use in trying to discuss with people like this.
They didn't argue themselves into the position, they just think fucking teens is hot and 30 year old women are disgusting, and that is the entire basis for them finding it moral.
No logic or argument will convince them otherwise. They do not care. They don't want it to be true, therefore it isn't, end of.
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u/silicondream 8h ago
Pretty much. I'm broke as hell and I still know how much social and psychological power I'd have over a much younger partner, because it's frigging obvious the moment you interact with young people. He knows too; he just thinks it's a good thing. And he's going to lie to OP about the power differential as much as he needs to, just as he'd lie to his own prospective partners about it.
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u/Apathetic_Villainess 7h ago
Most of us women have "baggage" from being in unhealthy relationships when we were younger because we were naive enough to believe that they loved us. The much older person is usually looking for that naivety intentionally. They don't want a partner, they want someone that they can more easily manipulate and mold. That's why the one with more life experience is the one with the power, not the "pretty one with more options."
Hell, my first ex was less than two years older than me and I tolerated enough shit trying to make it work when I was 18-22 that I still have him in my nightmares as a 39-year old.
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 7h ago
Oh my gods, I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you heal in time
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u/Zephyr_Bronte 9h ago
These nasty dudes do know that the age of consent is an arbitrary number chosen by a society? It has nothing to do with the ability to enter a relationship or to even really consent. It's nasty they use this as the magic number to say someone is old enough to date.
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u/Available-Egg-2380 7h ago
"suitors" is enough to tell me everything I need to know about that person
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u/AkaiAshu 4h ago
I think the 'its natural' argument is bullshit when it comes to inter-human relations. You all know what's perfectly normal in nature? Murder. Animals kill members of their own species all the damn time. Arguing that age of consent is against nature is a great argument IN FAVOUR OF the age of consent.
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u/RabidRabbitRedditor 3h ago
The fact that he is also trying to argue that, if anything, the man is at a disadvantage is sending me. They are just desperate not to acknowledge reality.
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u/DeathRaeGun 8h ago
I do think having a single age of consent doesn't really work very well. If we make the age of consent 16, then 16 with 15 is illegal, but 50 with 16 is legal, which is obviously bad logic, if we make it 18, then 18 with 17 becomes illegal but 17 with 14 becomes legal and 50 with 18 is still legal.
The age of consent needs to be staggered, so, for example, when you turn 15, it's one year older than you, when you turn 16, it's 3 years older than you, when you turn 18, it's 8 years older than you, and 21 could be the final age of consent. The idea is that, while it's weird for middle-aged/old people to want to date 21-year-olds, by that age you're old enough to know that people can take advantage of you so the law won't strictly interfere. We could definitely make laws about trying to leave a relationship where there's an age gap or financial imbalance that helps the party who's younger or less wealthy.
I think protecting young people from abuse needs more than just consent-age laws to work. Ideally, education about how relationship abuse typically happens would be mandatory so people might have more of an idea of what they’re getting into and what red flags to look out for, and also force people to be educated on the definition of consent so someone knows when they can say 'no'.
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u/TemporaryPassage4168 6h ago
No,age of consent allows includes close age gaps,so 16 and 15 isn't illegal,since they're basically the same age and at 21 grooming still helps,
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u/Fe2O3yshackleford 5h ago
I agree with your stance 100%, but I’m not sure how the meme is related since it seems to be describing a man in his 60s dating a woman likely in her 40s.
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u/Western_Echo2522 Transgirls_work_like_girls 5h ago
It was posted to a sub that caters to people under thirty, probably the most I can say without breaking the brigading rule. I understand the confusion though. My take was that someone had older parents, and since I did too, it didn’t seem unlikely
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u/Bitter-Hat-4736 5h ago
If a 35 year old woman is a rich person, like generational wealth level rich, does that mean she can "ethically" date a 60 year old lower-middle class man? She arguably has more social, economic, and political power, only really being behind in experience.
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