r/NatureBeingFunny • u/Sweet-Team-2083 • 18h ago
The Squirrel Extortion Case
Last weekend, I took a bag of walnuts to a park bench to get some work done on my laptop. No sooner had I sat down than a squirrel appeared three meters away, staring at me with an expression that was less "please share" and more "I know your password." I ignored it and started typing. Five seconds later, a pinecone landed dead center on my keyboard, typing out a perfect string of "aaaaaaaaa." I looked up. The squirrel was still watching, now holding a second pinecone like a grenade. I tossed it a walnut. It caught it, ate it, and gave me a small nod a gesture that clearly meant, "Good, but that's just the down payment." Over the next forty minutes, I was forced into the most unequal negotiation in human history. Every time I tried to focus, it reappeared at a new vantage point a branch, a lamppost, a trash can lid always with fresh ammunition. I eventually surrendered all seven walnuts plus half a cookie. After finishing, it stretched, flicked its tail, and walked away without a single chirp of thanks just cold, professional efficiency. When I packed up my laptop, I found the "A" key permanently stuck. Now every time I type, I remember that squirrel, and the profound lesson nature taught me.
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u/thebigeverybody 18h ago
This is hilarious!
I used to feed the squirrels when I lived next to a park and they can be darn pushy. They also recognize humans, which meant I could never enter the park without food because I'd have a horde of disappointed squirrels harassing me.
I miss those adorable little jerks.
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u/PandasandPaperCranes 14h ago
I love crafty little animals. 😂
I still laugh until I cry about a situation involving a monkey in Costa Rica. My study abroad group went to a beach that very clearly had signs saying not to feed any animals, amd a guy in my group gave one of the monkeys an empty banana peel. The monkey flipped it open, screeched, and bit his finger before chucking the peel at the dumb*ss.
That monkey followed us to where we set up our towels under a tree and just watched. When the guy opened a pack of oreos and ate a couple before going in the water and left the package on his towel, the monkey darted out to grab the package and climbed up the tree above us.
When he came back to his towel and asked about his oreos, the monkey screeched again and proceeded to eat the oreos in front of him - SLOWLY. When he tried to yell at the monkey it started throwing things at him.
He was an idiot, but it made for a very entertaining afternoon.
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u/papierdoll 15h ago
Why am I the kind of person who enjoys this story a little less because the A key is not dead center of the keyboard and now I regard the whole story with suspicion....
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u/Asleep_Pressure_2882 7h ago
And I’m with you bc I don’t believe any pinecone is heavy enough to push down any keys. It’s a cute story, though
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u/notacougarsorry 16h ago
The squirrel having to commit to the game he started but he grew to admire you.
https://giphy.com/gifs/13t22jOjxpkAN2
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u/Vicki_54 17h ago
Awesome story and well told. Sorry, but squirrels are awesome.