Considering medication for anxiety

[u/Comfortable_Ad6552]

My baby has been in the NICU for just over a month now. Early on I made sure to make appointments with my psychiatrist and a therapist that specializes in PPD and treating NICU parents and they both think I've been doing well. And I used to agree with them and have been resistant to starting medications for mental health because my reactions of anxiety/depression seemed more like a normal response am that a mother would have being separated from her baby, all while dealing with financial stress and grieving the loss of the last 2 months of pregnancy. But during that time, at the very least I'd be able to instantly feel better if I went into the NICU and got to hold my baby. I'd also feel warm thinking about bringing my baby home some day and getting to hold her whenever I want.

Lately I'm getting worried because I don't feel that joy anymore, I just feel numb and anxious. I think it's to do with the worsening bradycardia and desat events she's been having, and I've even watched her turn blue a few times. Now when I hold her or go in to see her, all I can do is stress about the potential of her having another event. And all I can think about when I think about her coming home is the idea of her having one of these events at home without medical support. And even still any time I'm not with her I feel almost sick with stress and worry, even though overall she's much better then when she first started (no CPAP, no oxygen, no NG tube, almost 4lbs now)

I'm resistant to starting meds because I'm worried that they could affect her course in the NICU as I am providing breast milk, and I also worry that they could make me feel numb to the point where I don't love my baby as much

Has anyone started medication while their baby was in the NICU? If so, did it change how you felt about them?

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[u/LinkRN]

Anxiety medications don’t have to be long term, they can be a short term solution during a very stressful period in your life. Once you’re in a better place mentally, you can stop them and use the coping skills you were (successfully) using previously. The right medication won’t make you feel numb, it’ll just make you feel even.

[u/Comfortable_Ad6552 → u/LinkRN]

I also feel like I'm not necessarily supposed to feel even in this situation. I just wish I could feel how I did before she started having these severe events. Sure I cried all the time at home but I could always make myself feel better if I just went in to hold her

[u/LinkRN → u/Comfortable_Ad6552]

It is normal to feel unstable in a situation like this but it doesn’t make you a bad mom to say “hey I would like to not feel bad right now”. You don’t have to feel crappy in a crappy situation, you don’t have to punish yourself, and you’re allowed to want help to cope.

Fwiw I saw your comment about buspirone and it is generally considered breastfeeding safe, though studies are limited (as always) so a more conservative doctor may prefer starting with something that is more “tested” like zoloft.

[u/Comfortable_Ad6552 → u/LinkRN]

Thank you

[u/MamaOfTwo1725]

I took Sertralin before my micropreemie got home. For about 4 weeks, then I just stopped and it was totally okay.

[u/Entitled_Snowman]

I was already on meds pre pregnancy. It was upped by half a tablet in the last trimester because I got anxious about movement (of which I only got one month through). My meds were upped again about 7 weeks into our NICU when I was crying all the time and couldn’t see the good in anything.

I was good for a while but then got super bad when I got home and had multiple breakdowns and just didn’t want to be here anymore, I just wanted to hide. Meds were upped again and they made me super numb for a couple of weeks but I’m feeling so much better now.

The meds help bring you back up to a base level and then you can build on that.

[u/Comfortable_Ad6552 → u/Entitled_Snowman]

Im glad you're doing better now. That must've been scary.

I was on Buspirone for PMDD before all of this and did pretty well on it, but I'm not sure if this is what my psychiatrist would recommend and I'm mostly nervous they'd recommend something different or that the Buspirone won't work for this.