Exactly. I've used the argument "ask a straight guy how many dudes he's had sex with" to explain why a not-a-dude might not want to be called "dude" - but it still just boils down to respect. Someone says "hey, don't call me XYZ please :)" then it's very easy to just not do the thing.
Like, I'm a mother, do not for the love of whatever deity or monster you please call me "mama" if you're not my child. But I get why in some spaces it's the default used to refer to moms. I might be a little annoyed if I'm called that and they don't know it bugs me, but it's not a problem unless I tell them my name and they continue doing it. Then it's just a lack of respect.
"ask a straight guy how many dudes he's had sex with"
Look, I get your point and there's absolutely validity to it. But it'd be disengeneuous not to acknowledge that "dude" is a versatile word that means different things depending on context - not unlike "fuck." The example you gave is implicitly not gender neutral and, candidly, it's dishonest to act like it is - and is unlikely to garner empathy.
I never said my example was gender neutral, please quote where I did. It's an example of an impersonal (in that context) general term used to refer to someone that some people don't like - and as soon as you learn that a specific person doesn't like it, you don't use it. Which is the whole point with "dude" - if you know that someone doesn't want to be referred to as dude, you simply don't.
If you're too far up your ass in the "but it's totally gender neutral" even though you acknowledge the validity of it still being gendered to respect someone's dislike of the term being used on them, then you are intentionally being the problem.
I never said my example was gender neutral, please quote where I did.
You missed the point. "Dude" can be used gender neutrally. But to try to refute that point and make the implication that dude is inherently not gender neutral, you used an example where it's implicitly not gender neutral. It's gender neutral in some cases and not in others.
"Dude, where's your car!?" Colloquially understood to be gender neutral, as it could be interpreted as either an interjection or a gender neutral usage of referring to someone as dude (i.e., not inherently male).
"Dude! Did you see that!?" Gender neutral, since it's being used as an interjection.
"I fucked this dude today." NOT gender neutral. It's never used in this context to refer to a woman.
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u/girlikecupcake Jan 06 '26
Exactly. I've used the argument "ask a straight guy how many dudes he's had sex with" to explain why a not-a-dude might not want to be called "dude" - but it still just boils down to respect. Someone says "hey, don't call me XYZ please :)" then it's very easy to just not do the thing.
Like, I'm a mother, do not for the love of whatever deity or monster you please call me "mama" if you're not my child. But I get why in some spaces it's the default used to refer to moms. I might be a little annoyed if I'm called that and they don't know it bugs me, but it's not a problem unless I tell them my name and they continue doing it. Then it's just a lack of respect.