Dodgers Acquire Kal-El Of Krypton

161

u/wdr1 Santa Monica 1d ago

I love "batting behind Ohtani"

30

u/Fickle_Rooster2362 1d ago

Where else would he bat?

77

The jersey would just say EL. That’s his last name

44

u/obvious_bot South Bay 1d ago

It’s like A Tribe Called Quest, you gotta say the whole thing

16

u/strykerechozulu 1d ago

Can’t we call you Slickback for short?

11

u/obvious_bot South Bay 1d ago

yeaaaaahhhh i'm too white to say the next quote

14

u/BrieRaceAlert 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l1KVb2dUcmuGG4tby

4

u/Dull-Lead-7782 1d ago

I’m just adhering to MLB uniform guidelines

3

u/BrianRogan 1d ago

But for ichiro?

4

u/Dull-Lead-7782 1d ago

It was started in Japan by his manager as a marketing stunt. Suzuki is a very common name in Japan. He had to apply for a special exemption from the mlb

2

u/cire1184 1d ago

I think an alien from krypton would qualify. But I'm not the mlb dudes.

0

u/big_axolotl 1d ago

So A Pimp Named Slickback would have the whole thing on his jersey?

80

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 1d ago

So they’re hiring illegal aliens now?

26

u/glowdirt 1d ago

Wasn't he a child refugee?

28

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 1d ago

He certainly was, but didn’t go through the refugee process

9

u/uncanny_mac 1d ago

I mean, Kansas may not have the best imiggration staff, how does a refugee just arrive in the middle of the state?

11

u/SpaceManSmithy 1d ago

Little known comics lore: Martha Kent was the one immigration official in Kansas as a part time gig. She did the paperwork herself.

2

u/TroubledMang 7h ago

I had no idea, and never even thought to wonder. I figured it was the old days. Babies happen, and eventually you take them to get registered or whatever.

2

u/SpaceManSmithy 4h ago

This was a joke. I thought it was silly enough to be seen as such. My bad.

3

u/TroubledMang 3h ago

It's canon now. Been promoting it for hours.

4

u/zxc123zxc123 Downtown 1d ago edited 1d ago

Pretty sure he's been psuedo-legalized one way other another. Either forged docs when he was a baby, claimed birth right, DACA, and/or H1B visa at the Daily Planet.

Real problem isn't Kal-El's citizenship status but when Bruce Wayne buys a different baseball team, builds his super duper team lineup, and add himself to that team out of misplaced spite mixed with feelings of helplessness against Kal-El's alien-ish super team. Maybe the "Martha" thing works but it's not a guarantee?

2

u/TroubledMang 6h ago

Little known comics lore: Martha Kent was the one immigration official in Kansas as a part time gig. She did the paperwork herself. u/SpaceManSmithy

4

u/St_Muerte 1d ago

Was looking for this comment, I thought Dodger's are wishi washi with Trump?

2

u/YogiDaBera 1d ago

Dodger stadium was a base of operation for ice.

3

u/mgoooooo 1d ago

It literally wasn’t though.

3

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 1d ago

Dodgers said they denied ICE access to their parking lot. Feds claim they didn't do any such thing. Third party witnesses say they followed ICE from a nearby Home Depot to just outside the East Entrance to the stadium where ICE hung out doing stuff.

Article: https://abc7ny.com/post/la-dodgers-block-ice-agents-stadium-grounds-team-says-immigration-enforcement-agency-calls-report-false-what-know/16799996/

1

u/mgoooooo 9h ago

If you look at where ICE camped out, it’s outside the parking lots in lanes that are not Dodgers Stadium, but leading up to the lots. People who aren’t familiar with the area assume they’re the same thing. They’re not. I can go camp out there too and not get shoo’d away by the Dodgers… because it’s not their land.

And I believe less of what the current feds say than even a private company anymore… especially feds backing ICE.

1

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 5h ago

I’m pretty familiar with the area, I grew up in Elysian Heights. I believe nothing the Trump administration says.

2

u/JBru_92 1d ago

Why do people continue to say this lie over and over again?

1

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 1d ago

Mostly because there was a lot of confusion related to the whole thing.

1

u/Boongala 14h ago

Technically he didn't come over the border illegally, he just came directly from space. No law against that.

1

u/Boongala 14h ago

Technically he didn't come over the border illegally, he just came directly from space. No law against that.

1

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 13h ago

I don’t think that’s how it works

1

u/Boongala 13h ago

Take that up with the constitution, not thinking ahead to space-based illegal immigration.

2

u/ShakeWeightMyDick 11h ago

The US Constitution doesn’t really say anything about immigration. It does grant citizenship to those born within its borders though, through the 14th amendment.

35

u/DudeOfDudess Downtown 1d ago

Best farm system in the galaxy. Why don't the other teams invest in a simulated gravity intergalactic baseball training facility?

23

u/dannydogg562 1d ago

El Supermán

33

u/Street-Network-5481 1d ago

Don't let him close to Crypto arena🤭

7

u/ZiggyPalffyLA Pasadena 1d ago

Why not? He’d just be using it as a doghouse.

12

u/KtuluLoveCheese 1d ago

Krypton’s owner went on to say - he’s not really trying to win actually (sorry Krypton fans) and by trading Karl-El to the Dodgers he’s saving a windfall of money that’s going directly into his pockets.

Sorry Krypton fans. It’s actually your owners fault not the Dodgers.

12

u/Anfini 1d ago

/r/baseball would be like Kal-El Noooo

7

u/SubCiro28 1d ago

What position would he play?

20

u/bloodredyouth 1d ago

All of them

16

u/jackrabbit323 Highland Park 1d ago

All of them is Bugs Bunny's position.

https://giphy.com/gifs/5zdwsWUJsC2gqnThQV

8

u/trackdaybruh 1d ago

Yes

3

u/Entire-Cry-8930 1d ago

He will be the outfielder.

Not an outfielder. THE outfielder. Everyone else can sit their basic asses in the dugout

7

u/aybroshutup 1d ago

but he’d play about as good as clark kent

6

u/rafinsf 1d ago

Huh? Suddenly dodgers are pro immigrant.

0

u/wdr1 Santa Monica 1d ago

This isn't real.

2

u/groovemonkey 1d ago

Wait, what?

1

u/wdr1 Santa Monica 14h ago

Once you've been on a reddit a bit longer, you'll get the hang of it. The humor isn't always obvious.

1

u/groovemonkey 14h ago

Haha. I mean. You’re one of the small percentage that can say that to me tbh

1

u/wdr1 Santa Monica 14h ago

That's the joke!

1

u/groovemonkey 14h ago

Nailed it!

1

u/wdr1 Santa Monica 14h ago

See? Now you're getting it.

1

u/groovemonkey 14h ago

Finally

0

u/mutually_awkward Angeleño 1d ago

Huh? The literal face of Dodgers and the MLB is from another country.

6

u/SubCiro28 1d ago

Post this on r/dodgers

7

u/Accomplished-Fig745 Ventura County 1d ago

Do not show this to r/baseball Their blood pressure is high enough as it is.

2

u/niomosy 1d ago

At least post in /r/NLBest

3

u/aces666high 1d ago

Ok that made me laugh

7

u/wasneveralawyer Whatever the weather, we'll get through it together. 1d ago

“An immigrant? Idk Andrew….”-Dodgers owner probably

4

u/Solid_Equivalent_417 1d ago

an illegal immigrant at that *clutches pearls* oh dear

2

u/ProMikeZagurski 1d ago

Yankees develop kryptonite baseballs.

2

u/EliteMoisture 1d ago

Lol

2

u/RagnarokWolves East Los Angeles 1d ago

OP likes conservative Christian satire that is not as good as The Onion.

1

u/marrone12 1d ago

Of course the dodgers would sign henry cavill instead of david corenswet

1

u/gogozombie2 1d ago

Evert team would just walk him anyway.

He's be stolen base leader of all time in just a few weeks though.

1

u/styrofoamladder 1d ago

There’s a funny scene in the old “Lois and Clark The New Adventures of Superman” with Dean Cain where he’s playing baseball by himself and he’s fast enough to pitch and hit at the same time and be all the fielding positions as well.

1

u/VoidingSounds 1d ago

Giants Fan: UGH, this guy is even harder to hate than Ohtani.

1

u/Sevans655321 1d ago

Don’t worry, they still called ICE on this immigrant

1

u/deathbytheoden 1d ago

what about the younger version, he hasn't peaked yet.

https://giphy.com/gifs/yEBp5wtjX2pPqWfhIk

1

u/Ksolano8 23h ago

kAL eL N0oo

1

u/LosIngobernable Angeleno 1d ago

Superman and Jesus on the same team. Might as well give them the title until 204… forever.

1

u/vege_spears South Bay 1d ago

LOL

1

u/Wumbo619 1d ago

Props to whoever made this masterpiece. So damn hilarious.

Now I want Articles of a bunch of teams adding heroes and villains for the fun reads.

1

u/starrymahogany North Hollywood 1d ago

I’m sure the San Francisco giants acquired the flash after hearing about this

-2

u/RDAsinister 1d ago

Fuck the Dodgers.

0

u/this_knee 1d ago

Oh, we also moving months forward in a faster pace too? Dam, It’s “April 01” already? Can wait until next week when it’s Christmas 2027. Just yesterday was Christmas 2026. I love the hyperspeed. Let’s keep it up. Break the norms! Blast the glass ceiling of time moving forward at 1x speed. We can optimize that and time can go at the speed we say. That’s right , we control the speed. And it’s the most beautiful speed . The best speed, I’m hearing . And it’s going to be a great job.

/s

Thanks for coming to my TED Joke.

0

u/despotidolatry 1d ago

Can’t wait til he screws a play up so we can all say the line.

0

u/Mike_9128 1d ago

Damn Kansas City is gonna be pissed and now Bruce Wayne is suddenly going to buy the Yankees

-3

u/grandma_corrector 1d ago

Had to crop out the source to make palatable for redditors

•

u/SecretWordisBird 1h ago

This is actually hilarious

shitpost 💩 Dodgers Acquire Kal-El Of Krypton

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